by Katie Schuermann
We sometimes behave in the church as if these two virtues are opposed to each other, but we see in Scripture that they always are meant to go together.
“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing … Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil” (1 Peter 3:8-9, 13-17).
Church, I see your compassion toward the barren. I do, and it is beautiful to behold. I witness your sympathy, your “brotherly love,” toward me and others from whom God is withholding the gift of children, and I thank you for your tender heart.
But may I humbly point out the danger in letting your compassion sour to pity?
For example, I often hear condolences spoken aloud in the pews such as, “Of course Laura and James are using IVF. I can’t imagine going through life without my own children,” or, “I can’t tell them not to use IVF. Who am I to say such a thing, when I have so many children — so many grandchildren — and they have none?”
This is compassion, yes, but it is compassion absent of courage. For in your gratitude for your own children, you are growing blind to the fact that the barren need your strength, not your pity, to bear the heavy cross laid upon their shoulders. They need shored up to resist temptations to manufacture children for themselves, lest they begin harvesting their gametes and enter into procedures that lead to the harming of the very children they desire. They need you to protect them with the truth lest, in their sorrow, they bury themselves deep in ethical conundrums that would bind their consciences to things temporal rather than eternal.
The barren need you to encourage them.
What does this look like? What are the qualities inherent to compassion plus courage?
A Christian exhibiting compassion + courage is tender-hearted toward the barren but also willing to suffer for the sake of doing good. This is a parental posture, one that heartens yet protects, sympathizes yet discerns, cheers yet endures wounds for the sake of another’s well-being.
Compassion + courage sounds something like this.
“Laura, I am so sorry. This is awful. I don’t know why God hasn’t given you the gift of children today. I am talking to the Lord about it, and I am waiting with you on Him. You are not alone in your prayers. But I need to be honest with you about something — something difficult. IVF is dangerous. It is not healing medicine. It is harmful medicine, and I don’t want you, James, or any of your children harmed. How about we talk to pastor about some of the ethical concerns surrounding IVF? I also can clear my calendar and drive you to your next doctor’s appointment if you want. We can ask the doctor about possible healing medicines available to you. Or I can sit in the waiting room and pray. Just know that you are not alone in this.”
Will Laura spurn you for your compassion + courage? Quite possibly.
But if that’s the case, then it is my turn to encourage you.
Or rather, let’s have Saint Peter encourage both of us.
“If you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil. Those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.”
