Four different women. Four different lives. Four different stories. One common goal:
To help you know that, in Christ, you are not alone in your suffering.
Katie Schuermann:
About: I was baptized into Christ on September 10, 1978, and I have been living under the cross as a true child of God ever since. I am blessed to be the wife of Michael who is a pastor, and we are the proud godparents of fifteen precious people. My day’s work revolves around completing the next seasonal project on the list, whether it is writing the next book, harvesting and canning garden produce, or practicing the organ for church. In my free time, I enjoy cooking, being outdoors, singing hymns, and visiting our friends and family.
Fertility History: I have many family members who have never conceived a child, so I was not surprised when year after year went by in our marriage without a pregnancy. We consulted with many doctors over the years simply because the frequent moves associated with life in the ministry necessitated the frequent switching of doctors. In my late twenties, I was diagnosed with insulin resistance, and in my early thirties, I had an endometrioma surgically removed. My husband and I were never given a medical diagnosis for causation of infertility over the years, and I am now post-menopausal. We rest in the knowledge that God’s will is being done in our lives yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Personal Epiphany: In this world, barrenness is my cross, but, in Christ, barrenness is worked for my good and for the good of my neighbor.
I believe the Holy Scriptures to be the inerrant Word of God, inspired by the Holy Spirit and fulfilled in Christ Jesus, our risen Lord and Savior. Therefore, I have faith that children are exactly what God tells us they are in His Word: a heritage to receive from Him. Children are not a prize for me to earn, a commodity for me to demand, nor an idol for me to worship. They are a gift which my Heavenly Father only has the privilege to bestow and to withhold. If God makes me a mother, then I can receive His good gift of a child with all joy and confidence in His love for me. If God does not make me a mother, then I can still know with all joy and confidence that God loves me completely in His perfect gift of the Child Jesus whose sacrifice on the cross atoned for my sin and reconciled me to Him. I am God’s own child, purchased and won by the blood of Jesus, and God promises in His Word that He will work all things – even my barrenness – for my eternal good. For this reason, I can in faith confess that, while barrenness is always terrible, I live as one blessed.
Rebecca Mayes:
About: I’m a life-long Lutheran and married to Ben, a pastor and professor. We have two sons through adoption: Caleb, now an adult and on his, and Jonathan, a high-schooler. I work part-time from home for a Lutheran non-profit, which allows me time for family, church, school, and seminary activities. I enjoy hosting guests in our home, reading, planning trips, and going on long walks with my husband.
Fertility History: Due to Ben’s seminary studies we didn’t begin pursuing answers to our infertility until we’d been married for about five years. I had always struggled with irregular cycles but initial tests showed no obvious problems. After a few months of Clomid and more inconclusive testing we decided to start the adoption process. Six months after submitting our paperwork for a domestic adoption we brought home Caleb. Five years, two surgeries (endometriosis and ovarian cyst removals), and numerous doctors appointments later we submitted adoption paperwork again, this time in a new state with a new agency. In 2009 we experienced a miscarriage and then in May of 2012 we finally welcomed Jonathan home as a newborn and completed his adoption later that year.
Personal Epiphany: I had let go of the dream of being pregnant and was at peace with that, but still held onto fears about our future. We have such close relationships with both sides of our families and holidays are such fun. I kept picturing our home without all the children and grandchildren I had assumed would be there when we got older. I wondered who would help care for us when we were ailing. Finally, one Sunday in church I was saying a prayer of thanks to God for the wonderful people in our congregation and for the family-like atmosphere that we have. Suddenly a weight lifted off me as I realized that the Church would always be our family. Even if we had to change congregations, I knew that God would provide us with opportunities to welcome people into our home for celebrations and to be looked after in our old age by those who shared our faith and Christ’s compassion. This epiphany has helped open my own heart to seeing the needs of those around me in our congregation and other communities. What a blessing this has been! And of course, as God always works, in my service to others my own life has been touched in endless ways.
Kristi Leckband:
About: Born to Lutheran parents, I was adopted into God’s family through the gift of Holy Baptism. My faith was nurtured throughout my years of schooling and led me to a degree in Lutheran elementary education with a love for music. I am married to Jerome, who is a Lutheran pastor and also serves as headmaster of a classical Lutheran school. We have been blessed with three children: Joanna, Maria, and Josiah. All three of them were homeschooled; the younger two have also been enrolled in a classical Lutheran school. I am also blessed to be a grandma. It is a joy to serve my church and school as organist and choir director. I delight in being a homemaker. Some of my favorites include the following: good books, outdoor activities, tasty treats, a good night’s sleep, and games.
Fertility History: My physical health revealed some internal scarring, so I had a laparoscopic procedure done. With the help of medication, God blessed our family with the birth of our daughter Joanna in 2002. Since then we have been unable to conceive again. Our doctor defined it as secondary infertility. We did not pursue any other medical treatments as those options went against our belief in the sanctity of life. Instead, we chose God’s gift of adoption. After seven long years in the adoption process, God graciously granted our request. We adopted Maria in 2013. God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy (and humor) chose to grow our family again. Two quick months later, Josiah was born. Like Maria, he joined our family through God’s gift of adoption.
Personal Epiphany: Contentment – a big word. Ever since my husband and I tried to start a family, I have learned that I control very few things. I couldn’t control how or when my body would be able to conceive a child. It seemed that I might only get to parent one child in my home. While very thankful, that news was still hard to swallow. I wanted to be a mom to lots of children. Maybe that wasn’t for me after all.
God, in His infinite wisdom, chose to grow our family through His gift of adoption. Through much suffering and despite my own efforts, I learned that there was great joy and peace in being content with the many blessings that had already been given to me. Contentment didn’t come because I had a house full of children. Rather, contentment came because of the blessings given to me by Christ, my Lord, despite not having any children.
I have been given the gift of the forgiveness of sins; I rest in Jesus and His constant care for me. No matter the size of my family, I am content.
Melissa A. DeGroot:
About: As a former pastor’s kid, now a pastor’s wife and deaconess, one might say I really like to hang out with an edgy crowd. God paved every step of the way, and I am so grateful for it. I have been given a faithful, loving spouse, Adam, and indescribable gift of a son in Knox. A B.A. in Psychology, an M.A. in Theology and years of working in a psychiatric hospital, college, seminary, missionary, and home educator brought me though myriad experiences and has now opened a door for me to serve as a deaconess and mission executive in The Rocky Mountain District of the LCMS, and a District Life Coordinator. I loved my time as a mostly stay-at-home wife and mom, and I am so grateful now to be serving alongside these other vocations in another capacity. My family of first-borns moved around quite a bit over the years for my husband’s calls in Rochester, NY, Philadelphia, PA, Albuquerque and now Rio Rancho, NM, where my husband now serves as pastor at Calvary Lutheran Church. I still enjoy exercising (though no more marathon training-ick!), and am navigating juggling work, parenting a teen and travel hockey player, and perimenopause. Pray for me! 🙂
Fertility History: Adam and I were married May 2007. We were in our late 20s and looking forward to starting a family sooner rather than later. However, with Adam in seminary at the time, and me working to support us, it seemed like it would be best to wait until he received a Call in April of 2010. Nevertheless, we prayed God would provide in all ways. Incidentally, in May 2009, I miscarried. We were on our vicarage year in North Carolina. The following year, on Mother’s Day of May 2010, I found out I was pregnant again. Knox was born happy and healthy on January 3, 2011. Following this, however, Adam and I suffered secondary infertility and have not been given more children. Foster Care and Adoption were doors that cracked open, but did not materialize. We have been blessed, however, to host exchange students.
Personal Epiphany: In middle age, the epiphanies seem to reveal themselves daily as letting go and dying to self is yet still a daily practice God gives in (various ways, but especially for) what we thought our family would look like over the years.
Miscarriage, secondary infertility, and other unrelated (fertility) difficulties have given me much from which to learn. Thinking about the grief cycle, I am thankful God has pulled me through much bitterness, anger, and depression, and pray this for all unknown trials into the future. These crosses have opened doors to serve and sit with others in their related hardships, to connect with, hug, understand, and point to Jesus. I’m so thankful to God for life, as messy and ever-changing as it is. While nothing on this earth is guaranteed, God tells me His promises are sure.
“Lord, to Whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life!” John 6:68
