Author: Kristi Leckband

The Older Mom

By Kristi Leckband

That’s me, the older mom. Our first child was born when I was 30 years old. Yes, 30. By the time we adopted our little girl, I was 40 years old. Yes, 40. Two months later child #3, a newborn, was adopted into our family. I was thrilled to be adding to my family. We had waited a really long time for our daughter to have siblings. And they both came to us, two months apart.

But there are times when it is no cakewalk. I had loads of energy when our firstborn came along. I was in good shape. I could run beside her as she learned to ride a bike. I could keep up with her and her teammates as my husband and I coached their softball teams. I could ski with the high school youth and walk up the long hill after sledding.

When the next two joined our family, I was ten years older. I was also ten years wiser as a parent. I knew what to expect from little children and how to nurture them. I had more patience and could bend a bit more when learning took a while. The physical challenges weren’t so noticeable yet. I could keep up with the “littles” as they toddled around the house and played in the swimming pool. I could get to the softball in the outfield while they ran the bases. Our family also had the added benefit of a sister who was ten years older. She had loads of energy to spend on her siblings, and the laughter in our house proved it.

The physical challenges of being an older parent are coming to light. I’m in my 50’s now, and there are still two teenagers at home. We hike through the woods, but they are content to go off on their own for that. Sleeping on a camp pad is just not fun for my body anymore. I don’t ride all of the water rides because my body can’t handle the motion. I have become more of the cheerleader for my teenagers. I suppose it has helped them become more independent, but I know that I’m not as active with them as I was for our firstborn. Our family worked together to plant 50 tomato plants in the spring. That night, I needed a heating pad to provide relief from the ache of bending over while planting the little seedlings. I can’t even imagine how Sarah of the Bible felt when she birthed Isaac at 90 years of age. Isaac would have been a teenager when she was in her 100’s. How did she do it??

My vanity has taken a hit as an older mom. I don’t have the hour-glass figure that youth provided. When my firstborn wed, the gray hairs were visible. If the Lord should grant spouses to my next two children, gray will be the featured color enveloping my head.

Being the older mom, I have the benefit of being a better listener for my teenagers. I can listen to them lay out their case for something, and I can do so without wanting to interject my opinion immediately (although I still want to do that). I have more patience to let the conversation flow and guide my teens to good resolutions for problems.

As an older mom, I find myself engaged in many conversations with the moms of my children’s friends. I have the added bonus of already sending one off to college and into married life while those moms are just starting to contemplate post-high school life for their children. By the grace of God, I am able to provide some helpful advice and be a sounding board for their thoughts.

It makes me feel pretty good to be running a 100-yard race with the teenagers and other 30-40 year old moms at a track and field event. I don’t win, but I can still compete. I’m so thankful that my body allows me to do that. I can play pickleball much easier than I can play tennis. (Thank goodness for a smaller court.) I’ll still climb on the rocks in the river, but I won’t venture quite so far as the rest of the young moms. God has taught me to recognize my limits in this area.

Do I regret that I’m an older mom? That probably is not the question to ask. Is it okay to be an older mom? Absolutely yes. While the human body is more capable of handling the physical challenges of parenting when in her 20’s, it does not mean that being an active mom in her 50’s and beyond isn’t going to be possible. I know that my teens will be in college when my husband and I near retirement age. That doesn’t bother us. We are blessed with good health and plan to be active participants in our children’s lives, and even our grandchildren’s lives.

I wish our children could have come into our lives sooner. I listened to the cultural pressure to “enjoy marriage without children” for a few years before starting a family. That advice to wait, dear sister, is hogwash. Enjoy the children as soon as you can. Those girls and boys are gifts from God. We should gladly receive them.

Each day, God gives me the privilege of spending time with my children. No matter my age, I have the blessing of being a mom. (And even being a grandma.)

That will never get old.

The Sisterhood of Suffering

by Kristi Leckband

The apostle Paul writes these words in 1 Corinthians 12:26 — “And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.”

There is so much suffering in this world. We, the members of the body of Christ have suffered much. We have not suffered all, for Christ took that upon Himself for us. We should have suffered death, eternal death. God, in His mercy, sacrificed His own beloved Son, so that we might not suffer eternal death. God is gracious!

And now, dear friends, we can help carry the burden of suffering with our sisters in the faith. It’s sad to hear that a friend’s pregnancy has failed. Your sister in Christ tries to be strong, but it hurts so much. The birth mother chose to care for her child rather than place the little one in your dear friend’s arms. Your friend’s arms are heavy with sorrow but empty of children. Your friend’s children despise her as a parent. She questions where she went wrong.

What, as the Body of Christ, can we do? What can happen within the sisterhood of suffering? I have some ideas.

The sisterhood of suffering is one where you can…

  • NOT offer her false promises.
  • NOT tell her to simply “get over it.”
  • NOT dismiss her pain.
  • NOT ignore her tears.
  • NOT judge her sorrow.
  • NOT look the other way.
  • NOT leave her to drown in her despair.

The sisterhood of suffering is one where you can…

  • spend time with her.
  • hug her.
  • sit quietly beside her.
  • cry with her.
  • acknowledge her pain.
  • speak truthfully to her.
  • pray for her.
  • share God’s Word with her.

We are called to care for one another, and I’ve listed only a handful of ways we can do this. When one sister suffers, many suffer. We can only help bear the burden when we KNOW one another. Thus, we spend time together. We ask questions. We listen to one another. By the grace of God, He will help us share the suffering of a hurting sister. Can we take the hurt away? No, but perhaps we can be the hand of God to hug her. Perhaps we can be the voice who reminds her that God loves her and does not forsake her. Perhaps we can hand that pens a note of encouragement to her.

St. Paul exhorts us with these words from Romans 12:15 — “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.”

Dear sisters, let us love one another in the sisterhood of suffering.

A Bit of Hosting

by Kristi Leckband

For years, I prayed that my table would seat a gaggle of children. However, the Lord did not fill my table with children. Rather, He taught me that my table can seat people of all ages, and they do not have to be born of my womb.

Upon our move into this house, we have hosted many people in our home. Some come for a meal. Some stay for several days. One even stayed for a couple of months.

And we LOVE it. We share holiday meals with college students and friends who are not able to see family. We host evening gatherings for friends. While we did some hosting in our first home in Nebraska (many nights of cards), we do even more of it here. Part of that is the result of more space in our house. Part of it is because our children are old enough to handle a break from the home routine. Part of it is they can handle a later bedtime. Our dining table does not seat just five of us anymore. We have the privilege of welcoming others to a meal around our table, and it is delightful.

When you open your home to others, you invite them to share community with you. It tells your guests that you want to know more about them. It shows them that you care.

Hosting doesn’t have to be a big, fancy meal. It can be something as simple as dessert one evening. Perhaps you have young children at home. You can be the one to arrange a playdate for others; that’s hosting. Maybe your home seems too small to have a lot of people in it. Invite a small group or just one or two others. Hosting doesn’t mean you have to put on a big party. If your friend asks what she can bring, let her. Keep it small and simple. Ask her to bring some crackers or some fruit or some wine. Invite a friend over to play a game. Share a cup of tea.

The purpose of hospitality is to spend time together. True friends are not coming to inspect the cleanliness of your home. (Please make sure your bathroom is clean, though.) They are coming to be with you. The Lord desires us to be in fellowship with one another. He invites us to befriend our neighbors. We value people, and we want to support them in good and bad times. We can do this better when we actually KNOW them. When you share your table with others, you share yourself. That, in turn, invites others to share of themselves with you.

I taught my children that family doesn’t just have to be your blood relation. They learned that through adoption. I also wanted them to see that the people with whom we share time can become our family. This includes the older woman who treats my children as her grandchildren. This includes the unmarried college man who desires a spouse. This includes the young couple who await children of their own. This includes the high school students who need to see a stable family in action. All are important, and all need our love.

When we’re hosting people, my children get excited. They want to help get ready for our friends. In younger years, they would make name cards for everyone. Now they help set the table. They help prepare the meal. They pour drinks. They clear the table. They sit and listen to adult conversation. They laugh, and they ponder. It’s the blessing of community.

Our Lord creates the perfect community in the Lord’s Supper. He is the ultimate Host. He spreads a table before us and gives us to eat and drink of His very own Body and Blood. His is the perfect meal, and we are His guests.

It is now our privilege to extend that kindness to others. Perhaps you’ve wanted to host people in your home but just aren’t sure what to do. Know that you can do it. Maybe you start by meeting somebody at a coffee shop. Go for a walk with someone. Get together for appetizers one evening. Hosting doesn’t have to be a big production. Find what you can manage and start there. It’s really about treating others with loving care.

I’d love to host you in my home sometime.

Our Blended Family

by Kristi Leckband

Our family of two grew to three with the birth of Joanna. She is our only biological child. God added two more children to our family through His gift of adoption. Maria came to us at 18 months old, and Josiah came to us as a newborn two quick months later. It’s not traditional, but it’s not a rarity either.

When we started the adoption process, we told Joanna what we were doing. At the time, she was four years old, so we really didn’t say too much to her. The plan was that she would stay with grandparents while Jerome and I flew to bring Maria home. God had other plans. Joanna was almost ten years old when Maria joined our family. Joanna flew to China with us and was an eyewitness to God’s miracle of adoption. When Josiah joined us from the hospital two months later, Joanna was one of the first to hold him. She had a front row seat to all that was happening. At her age, she could truly comprehend what God was doing in our family.

Jerome and I have always talked openly about adoption. We talked about children as gifts for that is what they are. When Maria and Josiah were quite young, we made a picture book for each of them about their birth, their baptism, their adoption, and family. They looked at the pictures and heard their stories read to them repeatedly. We gave them the language to use when talking about these things. My children saw adoption as a wonderful thing. I know this to be a fact because I can still clearly recall this story…

I was driving Maria and Josiah to the library. They were seated in the second row, chatting about life as four and five year olds do. All of a sudden, one of them said, “Mom, we feel sorry for Joanna.” Surprised, I asked, “Why is that?” A sweet little voice replied, “Because she’s not adopted.” Oh, my heart. They saw adoption as a blessing!

Even today, Maria and Josiah can have fun with adoption. Recently, some of our scholars tested their blood types. It caused a bit of excitement in school. Siblings were tested so as to determine their parents’ blood type. Maria and Josiah laughed to think that their blood types would have nothing to do with big sister Joanna or their parents. They could smile and laugh, confident that they were loved for who they were, not for how they joined our family.

Jerome and I could not have prayed for a better understanding for those two. Adoption is not something to be hidden away in our family. We are adopted into God’s family. He makes us His own and gives to us all good things. We are now blessed to share those good things with others. Our three children are recipients of God’s good gifts. Jerome and I are the vessels through which those blessings flow.

Yes, there is a significant age gap between Joanna and the “littles.” She was an only child for a long time. She did have friends closer to her age, and we made sure she had time with those people. Life changed when she gained a sister and a brother in a short span of time. She relished her role as big sister and took such good care of them. I could see her learning to be a mother at that young age. Joanna, still to this day, is a wonderful big sister. While she lives hours away, she still connects with them and inquires about them. She invites them to be part of her life.

Maria and Josiah have their own trials to bear. Their life history has some gaps, and we’ll never be able to fill in all of them. It makes me sad that they won’t have a complete picture. However, it doesn’t lessen the blessings that they are to our family. I do think it is helpful they have each other to share that burden. It may seem “normal” to them that there are gaps because they both have those holes in their lives. They are best friends, and I thank God for that.

Whether your family grows biologically or through adoption or not at all, you are still blessed. God has given you life. He encourages you to live in His grace. He gives you life and salvation. He gives you His Holy Word and Sacraments, that you might be forgiven of all your sins and be refreshed in His promises of love to you. In the Church, we are one huge, blended family. We love one another and rejoice in being adopted in the family of God.

Family Growth

by Kristi Leckband

The Lord has given me blessing upon blessing. He placed me into a loving family at my birth, and my parents made sure I knew Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I taught in Lutheran schools for several years and married Jerome, who eventually became a pastor.

After four years of marriage, we were blessed with the birth of Joanna. Her arrival brought joy upon joy into our home. While this blog was active, we endured suffering while wanting to grow our family. No children came. Then, in 2013, after seven long years of waiting, Maria joined our family via international adoption. Two brief months after that, Josiah joined us as a newborn via domestic adoption. Oh, the blessings of the Lord!

Fast forward to 2026. Our family picture looks a bit different. Jerome and I have celebrated 28 years of wedded life in Christ, and we are both past the age of 50. Joanna graduated from college, married a Lutheran man, and is now mother to a five-month-old baptized child of God. She and her family live ten hours away from us. Maria and Josiah have both grown into teenagers and will live at home with us for a few more years. We now reside in Arkansas, where Jerome serves as associate pastor and headmaster of our classical Lutheran school. Upon our arrival, we enrolled our children in that school. Gone are the days of homeschooling. I now spend my days preparing music for our church and school. I am blessed to have many interactions with the people in these places on a daily basis.

Our family has seen its share of changes. One of our children developed an autoimmune disease. That was pretty rough. We sent our oldest off to college, nearly twelve hours away. That was a quiet ride home. After twenty-three years in one place, we packed up our belongings and moved south. A lot of memories came with us. We stopped homeschooling so that our children could be part of a classical Lutheran school. That was another huge adjustment for all of us. Throughout all of those changes, though, the Lord has continued to bless our family. He has taken care of each one of us and still continues to do so today. I look forward to sharing the goodness of the Lord with you this month.

I’m Already Blessed

th-1 “It happened again,” my friend Barb said to me. “Somebody asked me when Monte and I were going to start a family. People don’t need to know my whole life story, and they shouldn’t pry into my private life.”

I grimaced as Barb shared those words. She and her husband had been married for several years and were still without children. People were starting to ask more frequently when this young couple would start having children. After much prayer, Barb and Monte had decided to move forward with the adoption process, but it was going slowly. Several months ago, a birth mother had contacted them with the possibility of having Barb and Monte adopt the child when he was born. However, once the mother delivered her baby, she chose to parent him.

“I’m sad that we didn’t get to adopt Peter, but I’m glad his mother loves him. That baby boy wasn’t the answer God has in mind for us.”

I marveled at Barb’s wisdom. She and her husband were so young but also wise beyond their years.

Barb continued, “I don’t know why people can’t be happy for me. I have an awesome husband. He supports me in my grief, even when he doesn’t know what to say or do in the sad times. I am healthy, and I have a job that pays me a decent salary. I have loving family and friends around me. Why can’t people see that I’m already blessed and be happy for me in those things?”

And there it was. In her grief, Barb recognized her many blessings from the Lord. Yes, the adoption process had experienced a setback. And, yes, Barb was mourning a child that was not given to her. However, through her sorrow, Barb could still recall the Lord’s numerous blessings to her and her husband.

Whether or not God will grant Barb and Monte a child, I cannot say. Rather, may we all, no matter our trials and tribulations, confess with Barb, “I’m already blessed!”

Exhausted

It’s tiring, isn’t it?

  • reading another failed pregnancy test
  • keeping calm as a new grandma asks when you’re going to start a family
  • reading the sixth birth announcement of the family down the street
  • watching other people’s children play in the snow
  • hearing your friends announce that they are adopting a child

These situations are so difficult. Why should that be? I want to say that I’m happy for those people, but sometimes I’m just not. I do my best to smile for the new parents and rejoice with the grandparents, but it’s no cake-walk. Sometimes it’s downright hard to be happy for those people. I fully realize that it’s a time to celebrate, for children are blessings from the Lord. However, when those blessings come to others and not to me…. Well, it pains me to be joyful because I want those blessings FOR ME.

imagesI’ve never been promised an easy life. I never knew I’d have trouble conceiving children. I never knew that parenting would be a challenge. I never fully understood that adoption would bring me tears of joy and sorrow. I never knew the pain that would come with watching a parent die.

Our vocations are given to us by God, but they can be tiring. Oh, it’s rewarding to be a Sunday School teacher, but that requires preparation and handling the unexpected questions that the children ask. It’s great to be a neighbor, but perhaps your own home is still rather quiet at night. The role of daughter holds its own blessings and challenges. A parent strives to give her young children her best but knows that she fails. Why must I consider that my parents might need me to assist them in making some decisions in their senior years? Why is it so hard? Some of us are given the vocation of mother; others are not.

Still, God has not promised that every vocation is going to turn out peachy-keen. This world is full of sin and sorrow. Parents anger their children. Teenagers rebel. Miscarriages occur. Adopted children ask haunting questions about birth parents. Our children, young and old, die unexpectedly. We gossip about the neighbors. We covet what our neighbors have. We despise the gifts that are given to others. Simply put – we fail in our vocations. WHY? And why can’t we have the vocations that we pick?  Why won’t God let ME decide what I want? Surely I know more than He does.

That thought process is exhausting. We desire to control every aspect of our lives. We want to keep our children safe, so we guard their every move. We expect to decide when to start a family, but we really don’t know how our bodies are going to react. We hope that the adoption process is a quick one, but we have no idea how long it’s really going to take. All of these things can consume us because we so desperately long to control everything. Why do we wear ourselves out like this?

Enter sin. That ugly reality of our own selfishness. Our sinful desire to rule the world. The dream that we can have the big house with two kids and a big dog and a cabin by the lake. The idea that people will want to be like us. The promise that we can have it all, if we only work harder. We deceive ourselves by thinking we know our own needs better than God does. We cling to the lie that we can have it all. It’s so tiring to live that way.

Yet there is forgiveness and mercy through Jesus Christ. He knows our struggles. He knows how hard it is to rejoice when you are suffering your own sorrows. He understands the emptiness in your home. He knows what it is like to be alone and lonely. He desires only good things for you, even though you are surrounded by sadness. In fact, He does not leave you alone in your weariness and sorrow. He invites you to confide in Him and be comforted in Him.

Jesus says, “Come unto me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28

You have also been given sisters in Christ who pray for you. We know those birth announcements are difficult, so we visit you and cry with you. We stand beside you at those baptism celebrations. We invite you into our lives because we love for you who you are. Let these dear sisters share your burdens, your sorrows, your tiredness. They will mourn with you, and, at the appropriate times, they will rejoice with you. Their vocation is given to them by God to pray for you and to love you.

So rest in Jesus. Lay your burdens at His feet. Rest in His arms that hold you. He will never tire of listening to you or caring for you because He loves you.

Yes. No. Wait.

“Does God answer prayers? Does He really? I’ve been praying for many years for a child, and it’s taking FOREVER. I’m trusting you, God, and I’m ready for children. Please, Lord, if it be Your will.”img_8280

Dear sister in Christ, I’ve been there. For many-a-year I prayed and prayed that God would give children to my husband and me. In my sin-sick mind, I just knew that His answer would be YES…immediately. That was not to be the case. With the help of some medication to boost the proper hormones, our daughter was born. Thanks be to God! He had given a YES to our prayers.

A couple of years later we hoped to add to our little family again. This was not to be the case, though. After multiple appointments, my doctor suggested IVF. I was firmly against the procedure. That seemed like a strong NO to our prayer. It took some time for my husband and me to pursue adoption. There was so much to consider: change in family structure, the wait-time, the finances for adoption, the mental adjustments for everybody. After much prayer, we decided to try the adoption process, even though there were no guarantees.

The paperwork was huge, but we pressed on. We were told that the entire process for adopting a child from China would last 13-14 months. Hooray! We could wait that amount of time. Perhaps this was another YES to prayers. The process would take much longer than 14 months. The months stretched to years, many years. Could this be a WAIT from God? During the interim, we were given permission to try a domestic adoption as well. This seemed agreeable to us. After completing even more paperwork, our profile was circulated among pregnant moms. Nobody seemed interested in us. Was this to be another NO to our prayers? Our two-year commitment to that program expired, and we did not renew our file. Still we waited.

After seven long years of praying and mourning, God answered our prayers with a YES. On this day, five years ago, we received our referral for our second daughter! Prayers of thanksgiving and tears abounded!

We were informed that we would be traveling a few short months later. Due to several hiccups, our trip to receive our little girl occurred more like five months later. It turned out to be a time of more waiting. God used this time to prepare ourselves, our families, and our church family for the joys that were to come.

Dear sister, I share these things with you, not to teach you that God will answer your prayers in the way that you want. Rather, I want you to know that God answers your prayers in the way that He deems best. Our desires do not always line up with God’s plans for us, and we desperately would like to be the ones who run the show. Not so. God knows our needs and provides in the best ways possible. He really does.

During our family prayer time this morning, we sang the hymn “What God Ordains Is Always Good.” The words are comforting and encouraging. I commend them to you this day.

What God ordains is always good:
His will is just and holy.
As He directs my life for me,
I follow meek and lowly.
My God indeed In every need
Knows well how He will shield me;
To Him, then, I will yield me.
Lutheran Service Book 760:1

The Night Will Soon Be Ending

Sometimes a hymn can express our feelings better than we ever imagined. Here is the text for three stanzas from the Advent hymn “The Night Will Soon Be Ending.” The lyricist Jochen Klepper understands quite clearly the darkness that tries to squelch our hope. However, as he reminds us, “God dwells with us in darkness and makes the night as day.” (Lutheran Service Book 337:5) Come, Lord Jesus. Amen.images

The night will soon be ending; The dawn cannot be far.
Let songs of praise ascending Now greet the Morning Star!
All you whom darkness frightens With guilt or grief or pain,
God’s radiant Star now brightens And bids you sing again.

 Yet nights will bring their sadness And rob our hearts of peace,
And sin in all its madness Around us may increase.
But now one Star is beaming Whose rays have pierced the night:
God comes for our redeeming From sin’s oppressive might. 

God dwells with us in darkness And makes the night as day;
Yet we resist the brightness And turn from God away.
But grace does not forsake us, However far we run.
God claims us still as children Through Mary’s infant Son.

I’ve Always Wanted To…

IMG_4974Barrenness is a no fun-and-games deal. There are days when I’m “okay” with it, and the next day I struggle with my own reality. I’ve survived days in which I’ve wanted to crawl into a hole and cry. I’ve asked the Lord to take this suffering away from me. I’ve begged the Lord to open my womb and give me more children. He listens, and He gives me what I need, whether or not that includes children.

I really want more children. However, the Lord has determined that more children is not what I really need. Ouch. That statement hurts. Still, dear sister, you and I live under the Lord’s grace and mercy. He grants us daily breath, His Word and Sacraments, and He gives us the vocations of daughter, aunt, niece, and friend.

Why isn’t motherhood on that list? That’s a harsh concept to swallow; it certainly doesn’t seem fair. For now, though, motherhood is not the vocation God has given you. Rather, He is blessing you with the time, resources, and opportunities to serve your neighbor in other ways. That art class you always wanted to take? Do it; maybe you’re the modern Monet. Perhaps your art can give silent witness to the faith you have in God. The trip to Europe that you and your spouse dream about? Now might be the time to pick up the travel information and see the Luther sites. The parents at church who seem overwhelmed? Perhaps you could offer to babysit for a few hours and give the couple some time together. Does your elderly neighbor need some company? Could you offer to bring dinner and enjoy a nice conversation? Are your nieces and nephews struggling with their identities? Can you send them an encouraging note or text and remind them of their value in your family?

These vocations may never satisfy the craving and deep desire to be a mother. However, they are vocations that serve God and your neighbor. There can be great joy and satisfaction in loving others. Undoubtedly, there are days that will drive you to despair. It will be difficult to remember that your life is NOT over, despite the fact that you have not been given children. Your grief is real; there is no denying the sorrow that accompanies barrenness. Know this: You have been given grace to live the life that has already been granted to you, despite its suffering and sorrows. You are a daughter, a friend, a niece, an aunt, a godmother, and more. God loves you, just as you are. The Lord is blessing you with opportunities to try something new. What is it that you’ve always wanted to do?