Author: Kristi Leckband

My Violet

A year ago my friend gave me this African violet. At the time it had lovely lavender-colored flowers. Eventually the blooms died; the time of colorful flowers had passed. Throughout the winter and spring, new leaves kept shooting up from the center of the plant. They started off quite small but soon spread themselves to receive sunshine. Other leaves died and were removed.

Recently my friend asked if the violet had flowers. I replied to the negative. She asked if any shoots were coming from the bottom. Again, no. My friend’s diagnosis was that the plant needed “medication.” Then it would produce all sorts of flowers. Of course, she jokingly said that the wrong kind of “medication” could force my plant to flower nonstop, and that would most certainly be harmful. “I’ll take the barren violet as it is,” I told my friend, “because it is still lovely.”

My violet may never flower again, but it still brings me joy. I like the green leaves; they remind me of life. The bends in the leaves remind me that not everything is perfect. The fuzziness of the leaves comforts me on cold, winter days. Yes, I do like my violet – even in its barren state.

Speaking Of Car Trips and Cakes

It’s time. Oh, yes, it’s time. Rather than wait (and wait and wait) for a positive pregnancy test or a birth mother’s phone call or an adoption referral, it’s time to live. You are God’s child. He has created you and redeemed you.

So go for it. Stop talking about it and act on it. Plan the trip you’ve been wanting to take. Register for that cake decorating class. Learn how to crochet. Train for a triathlon. What is it that you’ve been waiting to do? Now is the time, my friend. This life is God’s gift to you.

Comfort Food

When I’m going through an especially rough patch, I eat. You know those times – waiting for test results, receiving “the call” about a friend’s new baby, being bombarded with questions about your family life, wondering when or if you’ll ever add to your family. In those moments, I rummage through my snack cupboard. (Yes, I’ve upgraded from a drawer to a cupboard.) I’ve eaten my share of chips and popcorn. I’ve licked the ice cream bucket clean. Then I feel guilty about eating all that stuff and finish off with some yogurt and blueberries.

While those food items may make me feel better momentarily, they don’t satisfy completely. Do you know what helps me even more? There’s food that satisfies even more than the salty and the sweet. It’s the Body and Blood of Christ. In Him is full and complete satisfaction. He gives me my daily recommended allowance and more. He knows exactly what I need to remain balanced and healthy. His food cleanses my body of sin and makes me whole again. I can have seconds and thirds and fourths. The Lord’s Supper is an unlimited food buffet. Now that’s comfort food.

For Better, For Worse

 Summer brings a host of weddings. How often, though, do you listen to the vows? I mean, really listen.

I, Andrea, take you, James, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part. And I pledge you my faithfulness.

The bride and groom promise to love each other through a variety of circumstances. I never stopped to think about all of the times that would be included in the phrase “for better, for worse.” I knew that there would be rough patches, but barrenness wasn’t even on the radar.

My husband and I desire to fill our home with joy and laughter, and if it God wills it, children. Unfortunately, sin is a part of marriage, too. Our bodies are sinful and broken. Multiple children have not been given to us. That definitely falls into the “for worse” category. Children are God’s gift to give. Is there a solution? How about some kind of medical procedure? Does that procedure follow God’s design for marriage and family, or does it compromise God’s plan for the one man-one woman union?

No matter if children are part of our family or not, God has brought me to my husband. Yes, there will be days that are worse than others. There will even be months and years that are terrible. Through it all, though, I am thankful that God provides comfort through my loving spouse. I never dreamed that barrenness would be part of my marriage. And still I am loved – by my husband, by my family, and by my church. I’ll file that in the “for better” category.

Miss Lotta

Having done my share of hosting this summer, I’ve learned some things. A household runs smoothly when everybody does their part to keep things going. I enjoyed cooking for lots of people, but that’s harder than I thought.  A large household is work. That mom has to be “on her game” all day long, with very few moments of rest.

Here is a sampling of things that the mom to multiple blessings encounters daily:

* a lotta cooking – You can’t have cereal for every meal.

* a lotta dishes

* a lotta trash

* a lotta toilet paper – Keep that door closed; there’s a toddler in the house.

* a lotta soap – hand soap, body wash, shampoo, dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent

* a lotta laundry – darks, whites, colors, delicates, sheets, towels

* a lotta talking

* a lotta tears

* a lotta laughter

* a lotta hugs and kisses

I admire and love the mom, who has been given a large family. She does so much to love and care for her family each and every day. My list didn’t include dusting, sweeping, going through the mail, diaper changes, grocery shopping, putting the groceries away, reading to the children, playing with the children, prayer time, and so many other things. It’s exhausting, just pondering it.

And yet she does it because children are God’s gifts to her.

I think I’ll name my next child Lotta.

Comforting or Being Comforted

Many moons ago a friend inquired if I’d heard anything more regarding our adoption. I told her that we had no idea when or if a referral was coming. At that point, the tears started to flow for both of us. She told me that we were in her prayers, and I began weeping a bit more visibly. She continued and stated that she KNEW that there was a child for us. At that point, I had to turn the faucet off. I had to switch from being the “comforted” to being the “comforter.” I found myself reminding her that I have been given countless blessings already. I told her that our family size might already be complete and that I might need to learn to be content with that. She found herself agreeing with me and acknowledging that, yes, she’d heard me say that on previous occasions.

A small request: Please don’t make me comfort you when you are trying to comfort me. It’s difficult, and it feels a bit awkward.

True comfort comes from not having to filter what’s being said when you talk with me regarding my barrenness. I feel like I can actually let my guard down when a good friend carries the load with me and lets me grieve and mourn and be sad…and understands what all that entails for the life of a Christian.

So You Wanna Complain?

There’s a psalm for that. Yes, you can complain to God about your situation. This world is full of injustices, and barrenness is one of them. God is fully aware of our childless home; He knows the desires of our hearts. Thus, He invites us to bring our sorrows and hurts to Him. When we complain to God, we give evidence to our faith, that we know God is gracious and merciful to hear us and has the power to help us.

Even more, God tells us HOW to complain. There are psalms of lament in the book of Psalms. These psalms show us that it is good and right to complain to our heavenly Father. The very words to use in our complaints are given to us by God Himself.

So what’s in a psalm of lament?  1) a complaint to God about what has gone wrong and God’s failure to help  2) a plea to God for help  3) a confession of faith in God’s goodness  4) a promise of praise for God’s help

Psalm 13 demonstrates all four of these components.

Psalm 13

1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,

4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

A psalm of lament gives voice to our sorrows and shows us how to complain. When our lives don’t go as planned, we hurt. It seems as if God has abandoned us, and that makes us angry. This is where Satan enters. He seeks to skew our vision and desires to turn us away from God. Instead, we run with those hurts and angers to Jesus. We unload it on Him, for He alone can take our anger and heal our hurts. Thus, God uses our anger to teach us to rely on Him for all of our needs, both of body and soul.

Share your feelings of sorrow, hurt, and anger with your pastor. Go to him; he is God’s man for you in your time of need. Your pastor will help you complain to God (He can give you a whole list of lament psalms) and will also comfort you with words of God’s grace and mercy.

So go ahead and complain. God wants to hear from you. In fact, He has given you the best words to use – His own.

Suffering

God Himself causes our suffering.  He is not the cause of sin, mind you, but He is the cause of our suffering.  [p.32]  Those are the words of Dr. Gregory Schulz  in his book The Problem of Suffering: A Father’s Hope.

As I read Dr. Schulz’s book, I began to think he had a window to my heart.  As he shared the struggles of pain and suffering surrounding the death of two of his children, he asked why these things could happen.  I asked that same question surrounding my barrenness.  He wrote based on his experiences as a father and a husband.  He asked why suffering happens.  He questioned suffering in the world.  I asked those very same things.  Dr. Schulz pointed me to Jesus, the only relief from suffering.

We experience death, pain, sorrow, and grief. How can suffering come from God?  Suffering is real.  Suffering hurts.  Suffering drives us to our knees.  Suffering demonstrates to us that we are mortal.  We cannot cure every disease.  We cannot prevent death.  We cannot administer the drug that takes away aches and pains.

No, our only relief lies in Jesus Christ.  He took all of our sin sicknesses and sufferings and ingested them into Himself on the cross – for us.  We are made holy in our baptisms.  Once baptized, though, we are signed up for a lifetime of suffering.

There is great temptation to say that our suffering will come to a fairy-tale ending in this world.  On the contrary, in this world we will have pain and sorrow.  It would be foolish to insist that our suffering is going to have a glorious finish.  This is a sinful world, and while we dwell in it, we will not be safe from sin.  When the body and soul of the believer in Christ are united with Jesus, THEN all suffering will end.  This is why we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “But deliver us from evil.”  True relief is peace in Christ.

In this world, we will experience disappointment, heartache, death, miscarriage, and so much more.  Take heart, dear sisters and brothers in Christ, you are not alone.  Dr. Schulz writes: “…even the Gospel doesn’t give us absolute rest as long as we are away from home in this vale of tears.  It can and does bring us the Good News of Jesus, the rest for our souls, but we still experience anger and anxiety.” [p.124]  He continues: “My joy is not complete.  It cannot be, until God grants us all a blessed reunion in heaven.” [p.125]  God does not abandon you.  He loves you, and He understands your suffering.

I commend this book to you.  Grieve with Dr. Schulz.  Live under the cross of Jesus until He takes you to Himself, where all suffering ends.

Meals for the Masses

This past week our family was privileged to host two other families, each with four children.  I decided that one of our meals would be tacos.  Our little family of three can make 1 pound of taco meat last for two meals.  Before our friends arrived I prepared 3 pounds of taco meat.  When it came time to eat, the kids were in line, and the large bowl of taco meat was rapidly diminishing before my very eyes.  There was no way that 3 pounds was going to be enough.  I quickly defrosted 2 more pounds of ground beef and started cooking it.  I didn’t have any more taco mix, so I used up the rest of my chili powder to make the meat.  The kids waited (as patiently as possible) for me to finish cooking lunch.

Note to self:  Make AT LEAST 5 pounds of taco meat for 9 children.  The adults can eat lettuce.

Collect: June 5, 2012

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Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

O blessed Holy Trinity, You have created us, redeemed us, and sanctified us.  All praise and glory be to You.  By grace, we acknowledge and confess You to be Lord and God.  Keep us steadfast in Your Word and give us strength to face all adversities.  As we pass through trials, remind us that our trust is in You.  Help us rejoice with those who rejoice.  Enable us to boldly proclaim the Holy Trinity and live our vocations confidently in You; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.