Author: Kristi Leckband

The Elephant Pregnancy

I admire the elephant mother.  Did you know that she is pregnant for 22 months before giving birth?

Once our family decided to pursue an international adoption, the whirlwind of paperwork began.  We scrambled to assemble our portfolio and rushed it overseas.  After that, there was nothing to do but sit and wait.  Eventually more information was requested about us.  We quickly gathered the necessary papers and sent the information.  Then came more waiting.  When starting the adoption process in 2006, we were informed that our wait would be 13-14 months to receive a child.

It’s now 2012, and we’re still waiting.  Somewhere along the way, I realized that our adoption would not complete its course in a short 14 months.  When the months stretched into years, things didn’t get any easier.  I had let myself get excited, anticipating the addition of a child to our family in a short amount of time.  When that didn’t happen, I buried those feelings of excitement deep inside me.  I focused on my vocations of wife, mother, and friend, rather than dwell on what had not been given to me.  The Lord knew that it was not yet time for our family to add another member.

Recently I talked with my adoption liaison about the events that will occur between our referral and travel.  She was delighted to share some information and prepare me for what is to come.  I was disappointed, though, to hear that the length of time between the referral and travel would be 3-4 months.  Since 2006, I had been told that the wait time would be about 8 weeks.  I was more than disappointed; I was disheartened.  With that news, it became likely that we would not travel until early fall.  Our family would have to wait at least 3 months after referral to see our child.  Another low point.

I don’t know how the elephant does it.  She knows she’s pregnant, and for nearly two years she waits.  That’s a long time, but she can’t change the situation.  To deliver any sooner would be detrimental to the health of her baby.  Instead, she continues to go about her tasks and takes care of herself.  For two incredibly long years.

I know how long waiting can be.  I’ve been doing it for six years already.  And yet, no good thing does God withhold from his children.   Our family must wait several weeks longer.  Can I change that?  No.  I gain nothing by complaining about the circumstances.  Rather, I cling to God’s grace to me. The will of God is always good, and I know that to be true for all believers in Christ.  I have been given more time to pray for this child, more opportunities to prepare our family to meet her, more days to ready our home for her.  I don’t need to worry about the time frame; God has taken care of it for me.

So today I identify with the elephant.  Her pregnancy lasts 22 months.  By the time it’s all said and done, our adoption process will be longer than an elephant’s pregnancy… three times over.  But that’s okay because the Lord knows my needs, and His timing is always the best.  Thanks be to God that He never forgets His children, elephant-wait and all.

Collect: January 30, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

Almighty God, You promise that Your Word will endure forever.  We also know that the devil seeks to lead us to doubt Your Holy Word.  Strengthen us to withstand the attacks of the devil, the world, and our sinful flesh.  Comfort those who struggle, especially childless couples and those who mourn the death of a child.  Help them to see the blessings You have given to them and give them joy in their vocations.  Grant each of us Your protection to carry us through our trials, for the victory has already been won; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

Collect: January 23, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

Almighty and everlasting God, you give us the kingdom of heaven through Your Son Jesus.  With joy we receive the forgiveness of sins through the Word and Sacrament.  We beg you to mercifully look upon our infirmities and grant healing.  Be with Jen as she recovers from surgery.  In Your mercy, give her relief from pain and a full recovery.  Comfort Katie as she prepares for surgery.  If it be your will, grant her a successful surgery.  Thank You for giving these women healing of the soul, the complete assurance of sins forgiven; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

Collect: January 16, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

Almighty and everlasting God, thank You for sending your Son Jesus to be the Light of the world.  The Law has shown us the darkness of our sin, and we beg your forgiveness.  Help us confess that Jesus is the Son of God, the Savior of the world.  Be with Lisa during the darkness of her suffering and assure her of Your eternal presence.  Strengthen Brenda as she faces the days ahead; be her light in the darkness of uncertainty. Comfort all who struggle in sin and lead them to repentance; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

Baby Showers and Baptisms

Question submitted: How have you made it through going to baby showers? It’s difficult for me.  My younger sister’s baby shower is coming up, and I am nervous about going because I don’t want to start crying in front of everyone.

A baby shower.  A baby’s baptism.  Meeting a new niece or nephew at the hospital for the first time.  My participation in each of these events is a painful reminder to me of what I lack.  I’m not the guest of honor at a baby shower.  I don’t get to dress my baby in a family heirloom baptismal gown on her special day.  I’m not the one who has recently birthed a child at the hospital.

I never realized how emotional these events were until the baptism of my brother’s first child.  There was no way I was going to shed any tears on that special day.  I thought I could be strong enough to mask my own disappointment.  I wanted to be the parent who was bringing my child to the baptismal font, but I wasn’t going to let anybody see the pain on my face.  I had told myself that this day was about my niece and the special gifts she was being given.  What I didn’t tell myself was that it was okay to grieve as well.

Meeting my niece was precious.  Holding her made me feel special.  The hardest part, though, was when my daughter Joanna got to hold her new cousin.  She swelled with pride and beamed from cheek to cheek.  That’s when I had to fight back the tears.  This picturesque moment should have been for my baby.

I had squelched the urge to cry; I decided that would be the only time I’d weep over the weekend.  I didn’t think the Sunday morning baptism would affect me.  What a lie I’d told myself.  When the congregation began singing the baptismal hymn, the flood gates opened.  I was crying because I hadn’t been gifted a child.  I listened to the hymn and begged God to forgive my selfishness.  As my niece was baptized, I heard the sweet gospel news that she was a forgiven member of the family of Christ.  I was forgiven, too.

The focus of this day was not about my personal desire for a large family, nor about my barren womb.  It was about God’s gift of a child.  In my sinful pride, I had looked at the birth of my niece as a punishing reminder of what I didn’t have.  Once I recalled God’s blessings of a child to my brother and his wife, then I could share in their excitement.  All children are gifts from the Lord, and they should be celebrated.  My niece had become my sister in Christ; that was reason for rejoicing.

Before my niece’s baptism, I told my brother that I might not always appear joyful.  It was not meant to anger or remove myself from the family.  Rather, it was going to be hard because I was mourning my own loss.  He understood and was thankful that I could articulate my feelings to him.  Share your feelings with your sister.  Let her know that you’re nervous about the shower.  You love your sister and want to be part of her special day; tell her that you do rejoice with her.  And if you cry that day, it’s okay.  Your sister will know that it’s hard for you, but she’ll appreciate even more your honesty.

During the shower, you will find yourself comparing your situation to your sister’s; this is normal.  Remind yourself that this is a time of God’s blessing.  Find ways to occupy your mind.  Help write down the gifts; offer to help with refreshments.  These activities will help keep you focused on the blessings God is giving.

Yes, baby showers and baptisms are difficult times.  However, they are also reasons to give thanks to the Lord for His generous love.  Children should be celebrated for what they are – gifts.  While you may not have children of your own, you are God’s child.  You are a gift to your parents and to those who love you.  That’s something to celebrate.

Collect: January 9, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

Father in heaven, at the Baptism of Jesus you proclaimed Him to be Your Son.  Thank you for claiming us as your own through our baptisms.  Your Son Jesus took us – filthy of sin – and clothed us with Himself.  We now stand before You as pure sons and daughters.  Grant each of us joy in our daily callings.  Give us Your Holy Spirit to ward off temptations of the flesh, such as jealousy and pride; through the same Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

New in Christ

A new year.  A new beginning.  A fresh start.  All sorts of thoughts, dreams, and adventures await.  Is this the year we get pregnant?  Is this the year we adopt?  All sorts of things lie ahead for each one of us.  Would we want to know what we each day holds?  Would we rather be surprised?

One thing that should not surprise the believer in Christ is the fact that she is the Lord’s child.  In Holy Baptism, she has been given a fresh start to each and every day.  Water was poured over her in baptism, and all her sins of thought, word, and deed were drowned.  She is given a clean slate.  She is forgiven of all sins.

I take great comfort in knowing that I am forgiven.  You see, I already have lots of hopes and desires for the year.  I know what should happen.  I’ve got it all mapped out.  I have plans to grow my family through adoption.  I know that my dear friend would love to get pregnant and have a baby.  I think I have all the answers.  My thoughts are sinful because I’ve dictated to the Lord what He should do.  I’m wrapped up in myself.  For those thoughts, I confess my sins and ask for forgiveness.  Then I pray that my life would always reflect the life of a baptized Christian.  Will my thoughts edify the body of Christ?  Will my words benefit my neighbor?  Will my actions demonstrate my love for self or others?

Each day is a gift from the Lord.  When I am given the gift of a new day, I pray that it might be a blessing to my husband, my daughter, and my neighbor.

This is a new year.  Dear sister, begin each day in the name of the Triune God – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  You, who are baptized into Christ, are given a new beginning.  Let us rejoice in the gift of new life in Christ.

Collect: January 1, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Day: 

Let us pray…

Dear Heavenly Father, through Holy Baptism You called us to be Your own dear children.  You have forgiven all of our sins in this holy gift.  Your crucified and arisen Son Jesus intercedes for us now in heaven.   Grant that our lives may daily give proof that the Holy Spirit is working within us.  Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go but trusting that You are leading us and loving us every step of the way; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

A Child For You

Christmas is going to bring me to tears this year.  It has happened for the past several years, and I’m ready for it.  Any time a baby is born, that is a time to rejoice.  God has brought forth into the world a tiny baby, one who has been formed and knit in a mother’s womb.  That’s a miracle.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and more gather around to welcome this child into their family.  A baptism brings even more joy as the child becomes part of the family of believers.

At those times, my arms ache for a child I also wish to hold.  I ache to nestle a child close to me and ponder her future.  I wonder when it will be my turn to parent a baby.  Will there ever be a child for me?

On Christmas, we celebrate the birth of another child.  However, it’s not just any child; it’s the birth of Jesus, the Christ-child.  This is the child who would endure the most difficult life ever.  This child would be spit upon, scorned, bruised, beaten, rejected, and nailed upon a cross to die.  This child would be mentally tested time and time by the devil, who would seek to ruin Him.  This child would defeat sin, death, and the devil for you.  This child is preparing a place for you in heaven.  This child stands in your place before the Father and covers your iniquities.  There is nothing within us that deserves any of these gifts.

But Jesus, the Christ-child did it anyway because He loves us.  And that’s what brings me to tears.  Christ became a baby for me.  He lived a perfect life for me.  He died for me.  He rose for me.  Now He lives for me.  My tears at Christmas are tears of repentance and tears of joy.

So rejoice, dear sister, there is a child for you.  The words of the Christmas angel are meant for you, “You will find Him wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” (Luke 2:12)  Christ the Savior is born FOR YOU.

A Season of Waiting and Preparing

By now, you’ve noticed all the of hustle and bustle that surrounds December.  We’re all getting ready.  People are making quick maneuvers to snag the coveted parking spot.  The cashiers carry looks of weariness after scanning people’s purchases.  People zip in and out of stores, hunting for the perfect gift.  The toy aisles are especially crowded.  Men and women pick up one toy, compare it to the next, and drop one into their carts.  I wonder if the gifts are for their children, nieces, nephews, neighbors, or godchildren.

We’ve been in those aisles, too.  What will excite my nieces and nephews?  What will thrill our daughter Joanna this year?  I get caught up in finding the right gift for adults, too.  What would make my friend’s life easier?  Will she like it?

I’ve also been preparing my home for Christmas.  We put up our tree and decorated it.  We have the red and green paper chains hanging above doorways.  The baking has begun.  The Christmas letter mulls around in my head.

One of my favorite things about preparing for Christmas, though, is putting out one special nativity set.  A dear friend made it for Jerome and me as a wedding gift.  It is lovingly handcrafted.  I am reminded of God’s great love for me as I unwrap Mary; she is the handmaiden of the Lord.  Watchful Joseph protects his family as best he can in meager surroundings.  The manger is filled with hay.  I don’t put Baby Jesus in it, though.  He won’t be placed in the manger until Christmas Eve.  That used to puzzle Joanna, but she has learned that Advent comes first.

Advent is a time of waiting and preparing.  During Advent we recall our sins and how much we needed Jesus to become a man and live a perfect life for us.  We use the weeks of Advent to confess our sins of coveting and hear the good news that we are forgiven of those wrongful desires.  It is a time to clean out our hearts and make ready to receive the Christ-child.

I need Advent.  My heart is full of sin.  I covet other couples’ children.  I covet the husband and wife who will be surrounded with children and grandchildren at their dinner table.  I want to hang several stockings for little ones in my house.  I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.  Yes, the Lord has been gracious and given us Joanna, but I desire more.  I’ve been waiting for another child to become part of our family.  I feel I’ve been waiting long enough.  These are the times when I forget that God gives me the things I need.  I need a Savior – one who saves me from my wrongful thoughts and desires.

And so I continue to prepare for Christmas.  I go to the Word, where I hear the words of John the Baptist.  He says, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.”  In God’s Word, I hear and read that my sins are removed by the crucified and arisen Christ.  I have Jesus.

Now I’m awaiting Jesus’ final coming when He will take me and all believers to Himself in heaven.  In this earthly life, I am hoping and praying that God would end my wait for a larger family.  While it may or may not happen, I don’t have to wait to find out if heaven is for me.  Jesus has told me that He is there, and He is preparing a place for me.  Come quickly, Lord Jesus!