Author: Katie Schuermann

I believe the Holy Scriptures to be the inerrant Word of God, inspired by the Holy Spirit and fulfilled in Christ Jesus, our risen Lord and Savior. Therefore, I have faith that children are exactly what God tells us they are in His Word: a heritage to receive from Him. Children are not a prize for me to earn, a commodity for me to demand, nor an idol for me to worship. They are a gift which my Heavenly Father only has the privilege to bestow and to withhold. If God makes me a mother, then I can receive His good gift of a child with all joy and confidence in His love for me. If God does not make me a mother, then I can still know with all joy and confidence that God loves me completely in His perfect gift of the Child Jesus whose sacrifice on the cross atoned for my sin and reconciled me to my Heavenly Father. I am God’s own child, purchased and won by the blood of Jesus, and God promises in His Word that He will work all things - even my barrenness - for my eternal good. For this reason, I can in faith confess that my barrenness is a blessing.

The Great Getaway – IT’S A GO!

It’s official. The Great Getaway has been slotted for the last weekend in July.

Young Woman Sitting and Holding a Cup of Coffee

(contented sigh)

Who:  Any woman who suffers from barrenness, secondary infertility, or is grieving a recent miscarriage *

What: The Great Getaway retreat agenda

When: Friday, July 26th through Sunday, July 28th

Where: St. Louis, MO

Why: To getaway for a bit and relax in the company of your sisters in Christ

Interested in attending? Register online today and hightail it to St. Louis by 6:00 p.m. on Friday, July 26th. We’ll take care of the rest.

If you would like to attend the retreat but have trouble meeting the financial requirements, we HRTB hosts have penned a letter that can be sent to your family and/or friends asking for their sponsorship of your retreat attendance. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you need any help.

* Space is limited for this retreat. Women who have already contacted us expressing an interest in “The Great Getaway” get first dibs. After that, it is first come, first serve.

Aftermath

You told me one night.

Though Easter had come and gone, I saw the fast of Lent alive in your eyes. Yes, even now you keep a pious vigil, twenty years of Tenebrae, still afraid of the strepitus.

You all but cover your ears.

“I had a miscarriage in between the boys. They told me the baby was dead, so I went in for a D&C.”

It happened a generation ago, but you still can’t look at me. You shake your head.

“I couldn’t sleep for weeks. I was afraid. What if I had- ”

You stop. You are a grandma, a happy grandma, but your second child’s Good Friday still haunts you. It is not finished for you. Not yet.

“I went to the hospital and made them show me the records.”

I suck in my breath. This is not grief over death as I had thought. This is something different. This is fear. Over murder.

“I had to know that the baby was really dead before, you know…”

I did know, though I had never considered it. Of course. It is the same procedure, the same legal procedure whether dead or alive.

“The records said she was dead before the D&C.”

I feel relief. Then sudden guilt. Then relief again. She miscarried not murdered.

Wait.

I catch myself in the considering, and my anger is immediate. Burning hot.

This is the sick world in which we live: A mother cannot merely grieve the death of her miscarried child. She cannot simply undergo a procedure and trust that it is reserved for mothers who want their babies but have lost them. She now has to question, has to fear the hostile world that willingly, profitably D&Cs babies to death, and wonder whether or not her procedure of healing medicine was really healing or not.

This is a cruel cruelty.

Cherry Blossoms

Godspeed, Kristi!

Let us pray…

“Gracious and merciful God…Bless Kristi’s going out and her coming in. In Your name she begins her journey to her daughter; let Kristi accomplish it with You as her constant companion. Let the host of angels surround and guard her like Jacob. Let Your angel stand by her in every danger as he stood by St. Paul. Let the company of Your angels travel with her going and coming, as with Joseph and Mary when they fled to Egypt with the young child Jesus, that she may remain safe from all misfortune, from thieves, murderers, and any other injury. O keeper of Israel, You never slumber or sleep; be a wall of fire around Kristi and her family by day and by night, as You were to Elisha, that no misfortune or disaster come near them. Accompany them all along their path with Your angels’ watch, as You guided the children of Israel through the desert with a pillar of cloud and of fire. Be their companion when they are traveling. Stay with them when they rest. Watch for them while they are sleeping. Yes, Lord, take care of them wherever they go and let them be commended to Your holy protection. Amen”*

* Revised from Starck’s Prayer Book, 362-3.

Let Us Care for You!

A Middle Eastern woman with her daughter-in-lawI know one of the reasons you won’t confide in people about your barrenness. There are those who insist on fixing you. You know, the people who slip you a piece of paper with the name of a health book they think will cure your barrenness, or the people who tell you to relax or – my personal favorite – start the adoption process in order to get pregnant.

But not everyone wants to fix you. Some people just want to care for you. Leah Houghton, a mother and part-time social worker, is one of those people, and she has something she wants to say to you:

The journey to parenthood has certainly been very trying for my family. Just of few of these trials include a partial-miscarriage of my first pregnancy where I miscarried one of the twins with which I was pregnant. During a standard sonogram, our second child was diagnosed with a cleft lip and palate. We were told by doctors that he would be blind, deaf, and mentally delayed. We were also told he would have heart and lung problems and would be “grossly disfigured.” We would have to wait until his delivery to discover that none of these things were true about our son. Yet, we still faced (and are still facing) numerous surgeries, doctor’s visits, clinic appointments, speech therapy evaluations, etc.   

Just a little over a year after our son’s diagnosis, we experienced the miscarriage of our third pregnancy. I have also experienced moderate postpartum depression after the birth of my second child. Then, after I stopped nursing my daughter, I began experiencing severe anxiety and panic attacks (related to hormonal changes) that nearly incapacitated me for months. However, throughout all of these trials, the Lord has provided our daily bread and given us such grace and comfort. All these gifts truly surpass our understanding.

Sisters, I know from the outside that the woman who has a handful of young and energetic children may seem like the last person on earth to be able to provide you with any comfort when you are struggling with barrenness, and it is true that I cannot imagine the grief that an empty womb and an empty home must be. Yet, I encourage you to please tell your sisters in Christ your struggles. Let us care for you. Let us be a quiet ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and a comforting hand to hold. No, I don’t know what it is like to walk by empty nurseries that have been prayed over night after night with hopes that God would choose to fill that nursery in some way. No, I don’t know what it is like to have empty arms that so long to hold a child near. But, I do know what it is like to carry a child when you don’t know if you will ever get to bring that child home from the hospital; I know what it is like to grieve the loss of a child that you will never see on this earth; and I also know the strength and peace that can come from waiting on the Lord. And, sisters, I want to encourage you and carry that burden with you in prayer and love.

Please let us care for you!  Let us pray with and for each other and bear with one another in love!

Leah Houghton

Train Up a Child

photo[84]I have childhood memories of helping my parents set up chairs for the annual life rally at a local school. That was back in the day when public schools still encouraged nonprofit organizations to use their facilities to educate youth on such topics as (Gasp!) respecting each others’ bodies and valuing life at all stages.

I was only in third or fourth grade at the time, but my parents encouraged me to tag along for this day-long event of speakers, food, and fellowship for teenagers. My parents were members of our local Lutherans For Life chapter which supported the event, and together we set up the display of fetal models for viewing, hung signs to direct students to various rooms for breakaway sessions, and decorated the cafeteria with helium balloons. At the time, I was more interested in the balloons than the speakers, but over the years I was exposed to such life issues as human sexuality, caregiving, unplanned pregnancies, abortion, and adoption.

An accident? I think it was intentional parenting. Not only were my dad and mom modeling for me the act of service to my community, but they were also exposing me to the likes of Molly Kelly and Jim Lamb. Formative influences, for sure.

My parents did not stop there. In junior high, they brought me to life chains, conferences, prayer vigils, and pro-life fundraisers such as banquets and community breakfasts. In high school, my mom took me to two national life marches in D.C., and she encouraged me to start a local Teens For Life group at my school. Over the years, my parents showed me how to give of my time, talents, and resources to support local crisis pregnancy centers and other pro-life organizations. They taught me early on my responsibility to my littlest neighbors and showed me ways to advocate for their right to life.

No doubt, my parents’ example lit a fire under me in my childhood that continues to burn into my adult years.P1050860

How can we expect our youth today to defend the right to life if we do not teach them what that means? How can we expect them to advocate for the least in the world if we do not show them how?

My parents did that for me. God help us to do that for the next generation.

Family Ties

Can you see the similarities? Those tell-tale,

family resemblances between an aunt and her niece?

IMG_1217

No? Look harder.

IMG_1217

Ah, yes.

They have the same smile;

the same eagerness to hug;

the same love of books and trees and the outdoors;

the same ability to turn Barbies into heroines;

the same preference for berries over candy;

the same irritation with Veronica Salt and Edmund Pevensie;

the same tendency to be a little too honest and blunt;

the same adoration of a certain Uncle Michael;

the same Baptismal markings of redemption on their foreheads and on their hearts;

and the same confession on their lips of Christ crucified for sinners.

They may have been born on different continents, but have no doubt. They are family, and their ties run deeper than flesh and blood.

Have you and your husband considered adoption?

I Just Can’t

LSome of you look at me like a deer in the headlights. You see the book I have in my extended hand. You see my intent to give it to you, and you flee.

“No,” you shake your head. Some of you even wave your hands. “No, I just can’t. I can’t read that.”

I am not into waterboarding, so I quickly slip the tool of torture back into my bag. Out of sight. “It’s okay. You don’t have to read it.”

This is usually when you start to cry. “I-I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s good. It’s just that…that…”

I know. I really do. You don’t want the word barren anywhere near you. You don’t want to read about someone else’s pain, because your own is already too much to bear. Your disappointment and fear and anger have all but extinguished the little flicker of child-fire inside of you, and you think this book is a swift wind that will snuff it out. You don’t want to be content in your childlessness. You want a child, and you will have one or go down fighting.

Most of us go down fighting, and that, dear sister, is why I wrote the book; not because I want your child-fire to die, but because I want you to be encouraged by the truth:

You are special, beloved by God, your Father. He has not forgotten you, nor has He forgotten that you want a child. Yet, children are not a prize for you to earn, a commodity for you to demand, nor an idol for you to worship. They are a gift which the Heavenly Father only has the privilege to bestow and to withhold. If God makes you a mother, then you can receive His good gift of a child with all joy and confidence in His love for you. If God does not make you a mother, then you can still know with all joy and confidence that God loves you completely in His perfect gift of the Child Jesus whose sacrifice on the cross atoned for your Sin and reconciled you to your Heavenly Father. You are God’s own child, purchased and won by the blood of Jesus, and God promises in His Word that He will work all things – even your barrenness – for your eternal good.

It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be okay. It’s even okay – Dare I write it? – to be content today without a child. His grace is sufficient for you. It really is.

Now, would you please go read the book? There are so many other comforting things I want to tell you.

An Everlasting Name

A pastor friend drew my attention to the following excerpt from January 4th’s Old Testament reading (Isaiah 56:1-8) from The Brotherhood Prayer Book‘s daily lectionary, which includes this part:

3. Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say,
The LORD will surely separate me from his people;
and let not the eunuch say,
Behold, I am a dry tree.
4. For thus says the LORD:
To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose the things that please me
and hold fast my covenant,
5. I will give in my house and within my walls
a monument and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that shall not be cut off.

 

Comforting, don’t you think?