Church

The Nourisher of Our Lord

Thank you to Pastor Ryan McDermott for reminding us that we, like Joseph, are sometimes called to take on the legal and ethical responsibility of caring for children that are not our own.

“WWJD: What Would Joseph Do?”

It occurs to me that, as a husband, a father, and a pastor, I fulfill many of the same roles as St. Joseph. And yet, at the same time, my roles are nothing like his. I cannot imagine the situation of living with and taking to wife the Mother of God, let alone raising God Incarnate as my son.

St. Joseph is known as the Nutritor Domini, the Nourisher of our Lord. He was responsible for protecting and providing for the physical well-being of Jesus from the time of the Annunciation onward. This child was not his, and yet Joseph took on the legal and ethical burden. This is not unlike the vocation of a pastor toward his congregation. My people are not, strictly speaking, my people – they are the people of God, the children of our heavenly Father. And yet, they are mine because they are entrusted to me by that same Father. It is my charge to bring to birth, bathe, feed, teach, and nourish them in the faith, just as Joseph was charged with the same duties for our Lord Christ. I hold them as a trust from the Lord, to deal with them according to His command.

As a father, I am in much the same position. My children are my own – biologically, legally, and ethically speaking. And yet they are not mine. Although they come from my flesh, they are the children of God entrusted to me for only a lifetime. It is my vocation to bring them to birth, feed, bathe, clothe, house, and raise them in the fear of the Lord. They are a gift, a trust from the Lord. They are His, and finally I must surrender my will, my hopes and fears, my desires and wishes for them, and I must let His will be done for and to and through them.

To be married to the Mother of God is something I cannot fathom. I have no words to talk about that because it is truly extraordinary. However, I know the love that flows between a husband and wife. And I know the sacrifices and difficulties, as well as the triumphs and unspeakable joys, that happen in a marriage. There is something to be said about Rome’s idea that a priest is wedded to the Church. St. Paul speaks of the marriage relationship as a living icon of the relationship between Christ and His Church. It is my duty and privilege to stand before my wife and before my congregation as their Defender against evil. It is my vocation to provide them with all that they need to support their daily life. It is my privilege to speak to them, both privately and publicly, the Word of the Lord to forgive their sins and strengthen their faith. It is my duty to stand in the gap, between them and the evil forces of this world, to beat back the darkness with the Light of the World.

Lord God, our heavenly Father, thank you for the example of St. Joseph, the Guardian of our Lord and the Protector of the Church. Strengthen all faithful men to be guardians of Your people and defenders of the Faith as You have given to us; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Pastor Ryan McDermott

“WWJD: What Would Joseph Do?” Contest Winner

Merry Christmas, Gentiles!

On this blessed day of Epiphany, we are delighted to present to you the winner of our Third Annual Writing Contest. This year, we asked you to reflect on the topic, “WWJD: What Would Joseph Do?” and, as always, it was a privilege to be on the receiving end of your contemplations. Thank you to everyone who participated!

We’d like to share our four favorite posts with you this week, starting today with a post written by our contest winner, Megan Davis. Congratulations, Megan, on winning a free copy of He Remembers the Barren, and thank you for allowing us to share with our readers what we think is one of the most brilliant metaphors we’ve read in a long time.

Grateful,

Your HRTB Hosts

“What Would Joseph Do?”

Joseph would be a righteous and just man with a long and noble linage in the LCMS. He would eventually be convinced by his pastor to pack up his family and head to the seminary. He would study hard and prove to be a man of wisdom, conviction and great love. He would eagerly head to his vicarage assignment.

It would be nothing like he imagined. The first service and his installation would be beautiful, but then there would be a voters meeting. The head elder would get in a fist fight with the usher over the color of the new carpet. The organist would whisper to him that the pastor was a drunkard. His children would be called hooligans and his wife’s hem line criticized. In the coarse of two hours he would hear every commandment shattered. He would come home that first Sunday and drop his head into his hands and weep over the sinfulness of the church. She was like his bride to be and she acted like this. Despite his deep love for her, all he would see inside her was the fruit of evil. He would resolve to finish out his duties as vicar then quietly leave the seminary and take his family home. He could not marry a whore like this.

But as he went through his year, God would soften his heart. Through the readings and the liturgy Joseph would be reminded that, despite her sinfulness, God was living inside His Church. Through prayer Joseph would be granted eyes that could see the innocence of Christ overshadowing her sinful nature. And much to Joseph’s surprise, God would reveal Himself living in her midst and bearing fruit through her.

So when the time came he would go back to the seminary with a glowing review from his supervisor. He would finish his classes and receive a Call from God to care for and love His Church. At the ordination, Joseph and His Church would be joined not unlike in marriage. The first year would be as awkward as a long journey on the back of a donkey nine months pregnant. The fruits of the Spirit would be born at the most inopportune times, in the most uncomfortable places and witnessed by the least likely of people. Nothing would ever go the way he would plan. From his little pulpit in an out-of-the-way church, he would have to guide his bride through a foreign, pagan world. Together they would long for the peace of the promised land. And when he would wonder what he was doing, and if he could continue, he would get to hold the very body of Christ in his hands.

Megan Davis

Advent Admonition

My barren sisters:

Tonight is the night you watch other people’s children participate in Christmas pageants. It’s time for you to build relationships with those children. You said “amen” at their baptisms, so they are yours to support and guard and protect in the Faith. Start talking to them. Teach their Sunday school class. Lead them in music. Have them over to your house for dinner. Show them videos of your pet bunny. Go to their ballgames and concerts. Share whatever specific gifts you have been given, for, in sharing yourself with them, you will begin to love them and they most likely will begin to love you. That’s how you can get through tonight’s Christmas pageant. Love the children that are there even as your heart pines for the ones that aren’t.

Tonight is the night you sing of another woman’s pregnancy and another woman’s infant. Sing out loud and strong with confidence, for these songs are your own. The Child born of Mary is your child, the very One for whom you yearn. You may never have been pregnant – or the children of your pregnancies may be no more in your womb and no more in your arms – but Jesus is born for you. He is your Child, come to save you from your sin that you and your children might live forever in Him. His is the birth by which you will be “saved through childbearing” (1 Timothy 2:15).

Tonight is the night you go home to a childless house, and here, my sisters – in the silent, holy night – is your cross. Here is where the birth of Jesus matters most, in the horrible war against principalities and powers. Here is where you weep and gnash your teeth for the death that curses this blasted world. Here is where you repent and turn to Him who died for sinners.

So, cry out to the Child Jesus who died but lives again and remember in faith: in Him, you will live again, too.

17 And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last:
18 I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death (Revelation 1).

Christmas is merry in Jesus.

Love,

Katie

White Knights

knight There are some men, particularly protective brothers in Christ, who look at me with understanding in their eyes but say nothing. They simply act.

They put their baby in my arms before I can say no.

They walk into the kitchen at their child’s birthday party to silently check on me.

They hug me hard after church on Christmas Eve before I drive home to my own, childless house.

They hand me a gift bag of homemade candy on Mother’s Day.

They drive me to far-away presentations.

They stand at my side and put a comforting hand on my shoulder when IVF death statistics are read aloud at conferences.

They travel across state borders to attend a roundtable discussion on IVF and embryo adoption.

They buy a copy of He Remembers the Barren and read it.

They pray for me.

Truth be told, these men are princely, white knights to this barren damsel in distress, and I am so grateful. Thank you, silent men, for everything you do.

More Advent Waiting

Advent is a season in the church year that is easily dismissed. It’s a time of waiting. We, in the church, also use these days before Christmas to prepare our hearts for the arrival of the Christ-child. Our sinful hearts, minds, and bodies need to be turned from our sinfulness and turned to God for His grace and mercy.

I don’t know why children haven’t been borne to me. After years of marriage, I’m ready to bear a child. I’ve prepared myself mentally and physically. Still no baby. In my self-pity I gripe to God for not giving me what I want, specifically the gift of a baby. After years of waiting and no specific diagnosis, that gift may never come come from my womb. What a hard, sad truth to accept.

And so I continue to wait. The Church reminds me to repent and turn from my sinfulness. My ways are not God’s ways. The Church reminds me that I wait for Jesus. So – does that mean that Christ’s arrival will make my body fruitful? No. The fruit of Mary’s womb is Jesus, and He makes me whole. I’ll not be whole in the physical sense here on earth. Rather, Jesus makes me whole through His death and resurrection. My body will always be sinful, thus, my body will not be perfect. However, God uses His means of grace to unite me with Jesus. He alone is perfect.

Being barren, I may never be finished waiting for a child. That longing may never go away. However, I no longer have to wait for Jesus to come. He came 2000 years ago and redeemed me. I wait, instead, for His triumphant return to take me to Himself in heaven.

Third Annual Writing Contest

Dear Women, Men, Married, Single, Barren, and Blessed:

We’ve got another writing contest brewing.

Last year, we asked you to reflect on the topic “My Suffering Is a Blessing.” This year, we would like you to submit posts on the topic “WWJD: What Would Joseph Do?” Tell us a little bit about how the vocations of Joseph as husband to Mary and adoptive father to Jesus relate to your own families and churches. We especially would love to hear from some of our male readers, though, ladies, please don’t let that sentiment deter you.

The winning post, chosen by our panel of hosts, will receive a free copy of He Remembers the Barren as well as a surprise. (That’s right. A surprise.) The top three finalists will also see their posts featured on our website.

Simply compose your post of 600 words or less in an email and send it to katie@katieschuermann.com by December 25th. The winner will be announced on Epiphany (January 6th).

Please be sure to include your name and shipping address in the email.

Sincerely,

Your HRTB Hosts

“Fecundiphobia”

Thank you, Kristi, for bringing this excellent article to my attention. Now, I bring it to yours:

“Fecundiphobia: The Growing Fear of Children and Fertile Women” by Mollie Hemingway

“…the fact is that, as far as the media are concerned, abortion is a sacrament. And keeping the womb empty at all costs during all, or nearly all, of one’s fertile years is the sine qua non of modern American womanhood. Woe to the woman who ‘chooses’ otherwise.”

Singlehood

Question Submitted: How can I best love and support my sister who is barren currently because she is not/has never been married? She is going through a very difficult time right now and I know that she feels a lot of anger, frustration, depression, and a multitude of other difficult emotions. She has told me several times how aware she is that she is the only one in my family who is not married and doesn’t have children. I have tried to be sensitive of that, but I was wondering if there was anything else I can do to love and support her (besides lifting her up in prayer and listening to her).

I thought your sister might appreciate your question being answered by a fellow, single sister in Christ rather than by an old, married lady such as me, so I asked Adriane A. Dorr, managing editor of The Lutheran Witness and one of my favorite people in the whole world, to take the helm on this one. Ms. Dorr just wrote a book called Hello. My Name Is Single. It’ll be out spring of 2014. It includes interviews from single people—young adults to widows—and touches on all manner of topics from “Why You Should Never Date Guys with ‘J’ Names and Other Little Known Facts” to “Love > Sex” to “Awkward First Dates and Other Things Singles Could Definitely, Totally Do Without,” all with the purpose of helping single people realize that the Lord really does love them, that being single is not the end of the world, that you can pray fervently for a pious spouse even before you think you’re ready to get married, what it means to be a Christian man or woman, and that dating, marriage, and life in general require God’s grace and forgiveness and a little dash of humor on the side.

Two years ago, I sat in a stiff-backed hospital chair, watching my sister and her husband coo over their newborn daughter, who was still pink and a little wrinkly and definitely very sleepy. In a moment, I was jealous. I wanted a husband who loved me and a child to rock in my arms too, and while I knew of wives who struggled with barrenness, I consoled myself with the fact that I was suffering more, since they, at least, had husbands to love them while I had no one.

Yeesh.

Your sister might feel the same way. But instead of waiting for her to talk to you about her pain, ask her. She’ll likely tell you that she wants to be loved and cherished, that thoughts of fulfilling the pious vocations of wife and mother fill her head multiple times a day. She’ll probably tell you how hard it is to watch her friends get married and then have babies, and how it seems like, no matter which restaurant she goes to on the weekend, she runs into a bachelorette party or a toddler’s birthday, two of the most painful reminders of her alone-ness.

She wants to have a husband to come home to, a man to fix dinner for, a baby’s tiny Disney diapers to change, and a swaddled infant to rock to sleep at night. And while you can’t change how she feels, you can acknowledge that she feels something at all. You can tell her that it’s okay to long for those things that our Lord tells us are holy and good—spouses and children and families and life together. You can tell her that you’re sorry that she is hurting, that her pain is real and that she’s not crazy for feeling it. You can write a Sticky Note and slap it to her forehead that reads: “You may be lonely, but you are not alone.” You can tell her she has you and that she has her pastor, and that a loving sibling and a faithful pastor can be a fairly unstoppable duo.

You don’t have to fix her or give her advice. You simply have to agree that life—and all the suffering that comes with it—is difficult and that it is hard. That, some days, will be enough.

But you also point her again and again to Christ. You remind her that her value and her worth come from—not a husband or children—but from Christ on the cross. Tell her, in the midst of her sobbing and bitter words spoken in anger, that she is whole and perfect in Christ, broken no more. Pray with her, asking the Lord that His heart would be moved to grant your sister the desires of hers. And encourage her to go often to the Lord’s Supper, to private Confession and Absolution, to the place where Christ’s gives her Himself, the One who makes all things new.

Not talking about her pain doesn’t help. But neither does wallowing in it. Let her hurt. Let her cry. Let her throw a pan of brownies across a kitchen. (Not, you know, saying that I’ve done that or anything.) But remind her that the Lord’s plan for her is perfect and that it is best, despite how it feels, despite how it looks, despite how it seems. She may be barren, but she is whole in Christ. And that, even when she lays her head down on her pillow alone in bed at night, is the only thing that matters.

Best,

Adriane

Hymns to the Rescue!

Question Submitted: I’m slowly learning during the “dark moments” to quickly grab my hymnal and try to get out of my head. It’s way too easy to be seduced by my own self-pity or anxiety about the future. Are there particular hymns you always go for first that help?

Was it Luther who said we should throw darts, not feathers, at the devil?

In my struggle against principalities and powers, I don’t want to be armed with bubble-machine choruses which speak of God only in adjectives. I don’t want my bow loaded with candy-heart lyrics which laud my own love for Love Divine.

Nope, give me a hymn-sword to wield every time. Dress me in poetic armor dripping with Jesus’ name and the truth of His work for me on the cross. Send me into battle on a rhythmic steed quick to deliver the news of Christ’s blood shed for sinners such as me, and wave that four-part battle flag high in the sky to guide and comfort me through the fray.

My preferred artillery?

“God’s Own Child, I Gladly Say It” (Lutheran Service Book 594)
“Through Jesus’ Blood and Merit” (LSB 746)
“Why Should Cross and Trial Grieve Me?” (LSB 756)
“Entrust Your Days and Burdens” (LSB 754)
“Let Us Ever Walk with Jesus” (LSB 685)
“What God Ordains Is Always Good” (LSB 760)
“My Song Is Love Unknown” (LSB 430)
“Jesus, Priceless Treasure” (LSB 743)
“If God Himself Be for Me” (LSB 724)
“My Hope Is Built on Nothing Less” (LSB 575)
“If Thou but Trust in God to Guide Thee” (LSB 750)
“I am Jesus’ Little Lamb” (LSB 740)
“One Thing’s Needful” (LSB 536 – Thank you, Leah!)
“Of the Father’s Love Begotten” (LSB 384)
“Joy to the World” (LSB 387)

Happy target practice!

20091019-496 copy

Adoption in Place of Conception?

Question Submitted: I know quite a few couples who are choosing to stop having children naturally, even though they are capable, in order to adopt. Is this a common phenomenon in American Christianity? The rationale seems to be:

1) They don’t want to go through another pregnancy, babyhood, potty training (so they will look to adopt an older child). I find this reason uncomfortably close to why I look to “adopt” older dogs, and not 6-week-old puppies.

2) They think adopting a child who otherwise would not be raised in the faith and may live in poverty or suffering is better than having another baby of their own. My husband calls this Malthusianism Lite.

Please understand my friends are clear that there are no obstacles to having another baby naturally (barrenness, physical danger to mom, etc.). How do I respond to these statements? If it didn’t happen so often, I would ignore it, but I have heard different women speak this way 4-5 times over the last year.

I recently heard a similar sentiment spoken about a character on a popular television show, and the character was lauded for thinking such things. I guess it doesn’t surprise me that the world thinks conception and adoption are mutually exclusive, but when did we in the Church buy into such fallacies?*

Conception is good in marriage. Adoption is good in marriage. Both are ways God gifts marriages with children, and we need not attempt to control either one. In fact, to sacrifice one for the other, to treat one as better or more important or more practical or more beneficial than the other, is problematic, and, for this reason, I would advise these couples to go talk with their pastor about such things in light of their specific vocations.

* I am not speaking about the specific circumstance of when a couple is blessed with a pregnancy during the adoption process and, because agency/government rules dictate such matters, must forgo an adoption at that time. That matter is separate from the question submitted and, therefore, is not addressed in this post.