After months of prayer, doctors’ appointments, tests, and unanswered questions, it was time to ask if adoption might be the next route to grow our family. The Lord had blessed us with the birth of our daughter, and we were ready to add another child to our family. My husband and I felt we had exhausted all medical options that were appropriate, so we started looking at adoption. Thus began the flood of questions: Domestic or international? How do we find a Christian, reputable agency? How expensive is the process? Do we have a gender preference? Is there an age limit for a child that we’re willing to adopt? What about special needs children? How long will this take? Will an adoption actually happen for us? How do we feel about birth parents and grandparents? Is this the right decision? Are we giving up on biological children too quickly? Is there something else we should consider first? Are we both SURE this is what we want to do?
We experienced all of those questions and more. We prayed and talked a lot. It took some time to decide if adoption was right for us. Some of my thoughts went like this: To take a step towards adoption is to take a step away from having biological children. I felt like adopting would close the door on God’s ability to provide us with another biological child. I didn’t want to do that, but I also thought I could take control of the situation. If God wasn’t going to do His thing, then I’d go ahead and forge my own path. In hindsight, that was so misguided. I didn’t have to give up my hope for more biological children. God, in His grace, could still grant to us a biological child, if it was part of His plan.
It’s okay to have questions. It’s very natural to have questions. And doubts. Fear not, dear friend, the Lord your God is with you. He knows the hurt and agony you are experiencing. God the Father gave His only Son Jesus into death. If He experienced that much pain and suffering, He certainly knows the hurt and pain that we carry. And so we can take that hurt to Him. He loves us and wants us to talk to Him in prayer.
That’s what we did. We prayed and prayed. My husband and I both needed to be on board with the decision. If we weren’t in agreement, then we weren’t ready to adopt. After months of prayer and questions, we began the adoption paperwork. Five years later, we’re still doing paperwork. We still question our decision to adopt. We wonder if we should be doing something else. Throughout all of the questions, though, we are assured that God loves us and cares for our needs. He has given me a spouse who shares my burdens. He has blessed me with a wonderful church family. I have friends who lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to my sorrows.
The decision to adopt is a big one. For those who choose to adopt, be prepared mentally for a long process. May God grant you the courage and patience for all that awaits you in the days to follow. For those who choose not to adopt, may God continue to grant His grace to you in your given vocations. God loves you always. And you never have to question that.