On Being Weary

It’s been five, long years since our adoption paperwork landed itself on a desk in China.  Five years – that’s a milestone.  In those five years, we have seen our doctors on a yearly basis for an updated medical history and had our blood drawn several times for a variety of tests.  We know the state patrol officer on a first-name basis since we’ve been fingerprinted so many times.  We’ve met with our case worker several times to verify that our home is safe for children.  We’ve taken the necessary parenting classes.

Five years have passed.  We actually started the paperwork process eight months prior to that.  And I’m weary.  This isn’t what my husband and I signed up to endure.  At the time, nobody anticipated the long wait.  And yet it’s happened.

So what do I do?  I could get angry.  I could demand answers for the slow-down in placements.  I could expect more pity from my neighbors and friends.  I could take out my anger on my family.  I could shut the rest of the world out and wallow in my misery.  I could turn my back on God because He hasn’t given me what I want – when I want it.

But that’s no good either.  For you see, God IS still taking care of me.  He has given me a loving husband, who has taken every single step of this lengthy journey with me.  My spouse of 13 years has signed every piece of paperwork and seen the slow pace of referrals.  God has given me friends and neighbors, who have shared hugs with me.  God has given me loving family members, who continue to pray that the Lord would bring the right child into our family in His good time.  God has given me all of these people in my life to uplift and pray for me in my weariness.

But I’m weak from putting up a strong front in public.  I’m tired of signing papers.  I’m weary of the long wait.  There are days when I’m ready to throw up my hands and give up the whole adoption process.

Holy Scripture says in Isaiah 40:28-31 –  Have you not known?  Have you not heard?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Did you hear that?  God is not weak, nor tired, not weary.  He is strong!  He beckons us to come to Him with our griefs and sorrows.  He has granted us Himself in Holy Baptism.  He renews us with the gift of the Holy Spirit and comforts us.  Christ has overcome every evil of mind, body, and soul and keeps us to Himself!  No matter how tired and weary we may be, God carries us.  He knows our hurts and that we are tired, and He renews us with Himself.  I come to God with an empty sack, and He fills it up.  It’s all His work; I am the blessed recipient of His grace, mercy, and comfort.

I get tired and weary, but I know that my hope is in the LORD.  He knows me and grants me what I need: Himself.  He also gives me a loving spouse, who walks faithfully beside me.  He provides loving family and friends, who share hugs when I need them.  I am not alone; I don’t have to carry this burden myself.  My hope comes from the LORD, for He will provide what is best for me.  I can rest in Him.