I wonder if I am capable of writing such an article [on barrenness] because with two children, I am obviously not barren. I do know, though, that I have struggled mightily with what God desires for my life in regards to our family size. Is our family complete? Every month, I wait to see what God has in store for me. It is frustrating. My cycles are not regular so I am left hoping that maybe this time, I might finally be pregnant again. Maybe this time, it is not my crazy body, but a gift of God. I am itchy with anticipation until I feel confident enough in the time lapse to actually take a pregnancy test, followed by the nervous dance that lasts as little as 3 minutes, but no longer than ten. My feet start to drag when no pink line is there to quicken my steps. Again, it is a disappointment in my book, but that is because I forget that God is writing my book. He has written my name in His book, the Book of Life. Lord, not my will, but yours.
I look forward to the time when we are released from this world of pain, of longing, and of sadness. I rejoice that one day I will celebrate with the angels and all the saints. I find comfort in the truth of God’s Word and in knowing that there will be a day when those I know who have experienced truly awful losses will be at the feet of God with the children they lost in miscarriage and tragedy. We will sing together, as the angels heralded the shepherds, “Glory to God in the highest!” Our family will be complete, and perfect.
As we live out our time on Earth, we struggle to find peace and contentment. I feel like a baby would make all the difference in the world to me; but that is not the truth. A baby is my desire, but only Jesus Christ, the One born of a virgin, would change the world forever. He came to live a perfect life and then to sacrifice Himself on the cross before rising again in victory over death. In His family, I am complete. Advent reminds me of Whose I am in baptism; I belong to this Baby Christ, to the Holy Child.