Open Sesame

MP900432756I’ve been noticing something.

Most Christians don’t doubt that God can open wombs. What they seem to doubt is that God also closes wombs or, at least, allows them to stay closed.

I know this full well, for I receive a lot of correspondence from people who think my present barrenness is a direct result of my wanting prayer life. They conclude I must not have enough faith that God can open my womb or He would have already.

That’s tough correspondence for me to receive, because, in fact, I do believe that God can open my womb. It’s just that I know He has not promised me in His Word that He will do so, and it is idolatry to put my hope and trust in that which God has not promised. Frankly, it is also exhausting. I grow weary of playing the part of belligerent, spoiled brat with my Father in heaven, stomping my feet, shaking my fists, and demanding from Him the children I think I’m owed in this life. God is not a vending machine (as my husband often says). He is my Creator, Savior, and Comforter. And, I think it is pertinent to point out that in spite of all of my huffing and puffing, God in His wisdom has still not given me a child.

I’d much rather live today in the sweet, confident expectation of what God has promised me in His Word: that He works all things, even my childlessness, for my good. That is the promise in which I put my faith. That is the good gift for which I pray: Lord, continue to give (and not give) me exactly what is best for me. Thy will be done. Amen

Has God closed my womb? I don’t know. Maybe. At the least, He is permitting my womb to be closed today. If I do get pregnant tomorrow, it will not be because I finally prayed the right prayer for the right amount of time with the right amount of faith. It will be because God decides to give me, His beloved child, a gift that I neither merit nor earn. It will be because that is what God in His omniscient wisdom decides is best for me.

You know what this means, right? Today, it is God’s best for me to be barren.