Grief is different than self-pity, I think, though the line between them can get a bit hazy.
Grief happens, while self-pity is manifested.
Grief comes to a person, while self-pity comes from a person.
Grief is born out of suffering, while self-pity is born of our own sin.
Grief is endured, while self-pity is relished.
Grief moves us to call upon the LORD, while self-pity looks to our own navel for comfort.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2), dear sisters, not our navels.