Physician’s Assistant: Now, why won’t you consider IVF?

Me: My husband and I have some ethical concerns about the procedure. Our consciences are burdened by the meager 29.4% success rate of implantation–

Physician’s Assistant: Oh, that’s not right. That’s too low, I think.

Me: No, that’s right. I just looked it up last week. The success rate can be higher or lower depending on the age and health of the mother, but – let’s be honest – I’m going on thirty-six. That rate is just about as optimistic as the scientists advise me to be.

Physician’s Assistant: True, you are of advanced maternal age.

Me: Well, creating babies and then attempting to implant them into my advanced maternal womb with a whopping 70.6% chance of dying doesn’t seem loving to the babies, does it?

(That question went unanswered.)