Author: Katie Schuermann

I believe the Holy Scriptures to be the inerrant Word of God, inspired by the Holy Spirit and fulfilled in Christ Jesus, our risen Lord and Savior. Therefore, I have faith that children are exactly what God tells us they are in His Word: a heritage to receive from Him. Children are not a prize for me to earn, a commodity for me to demand, nor an idol for me to worship. They are a gift which my Heavenly Father only has the privilege to bestow and to withhold. If God makes me a mother, then I can receive His good gift of a child with all joy and confidence in His love for me. If God does not make me a mother, then I can still know with all joy and confidence that God loves me completely in His perfect gift of the Child Jesus whose sacrifice on the cross atoned for my sin and reconciled me to my Heavenly Father. I am God’s own child, purchased and won by the blood of Jesus, and God promises in His Word that He will work all things - even my barrenness - for my eternal good. For this reason, I can in faith confess that my barrenness is a blessing.

It Might Be Catching

MP900182796In this world, we treat suffering as a disease, as something that can and should be cured. And, as with other diseases, we tend to avoid those who are suffering as we do those who are sick. After all, it might be catching. We don’t want to get what they’ve got.

Phooey!

Take off your masks and get in there, neighbors. Suffering isn’t catching. You can take the hand of the afflicted without fear of transmission, though you might start to feel a little different. Compassion might stir within your gut, and you might cry a little. You might even find that you can no longer ignore all that’s happening around you. You might be moved to action, to cook a meal or mow a lawn. You might find yourself skipping your favorite show on NBC that night to sit with those in distress and read some Psalms.

Whatever happens, expect one thing: You will be moved to pray to God for mercy, because that is what has been given for us to do. We turn in faith to Him who has been merciful to us in Christ Jesus, and we trust in His good will for all of the saints, even the suffering ones.

The Sarah Syndrome

God promised childless Abraham that He would provide him an heir, a son of his own, and that Abraham’s offspring would number as many as the stars in the heaven. Abraham believed the promise of the LORD, and God counted it to him as righteousness.

Sarah, on the other hand, struggled to believe the promise.

She looked at her eighty-plus-year-old husband and her own, barren womb and saw only impossibility. How could God provide an heir through their cockamamie, one-flesh union? No, if they were going to have offspring that numbered as many as the stars in the heaven, they were going to need to take matters into their own hands. They were going to need to find a solution outside of their marriage union – outside of God’s promise.

But, what to do? IVF was not an option then. There were no fertility specialists to whom she could submit her husband’s semen for analysis. Plastic hadn’t been invented, yet, let alone those syringe-y thingies that could shoot Abraham’s seed closer to the target. There were no sperm banks she could consult for finding a tall, dark, and handsome brain surgeon to father her children. Nope, surrogacy was the best answer she could devise, so Sarah gave Hagar, her Egyptian slave, to her husband for impregnating.

And, he did.

The result? Marital trouble, broken relationships, agony, chaos, suffering, grief, and Ishmael, a wild donkey of a man who would beget a whole people born into slavery.

That’s what happens when we believe in the work of our own hands rather than in the promises of God. We create more slavery – slavery to sin, slavery to self, slavery to idols, slavery to the consequences of our actions, and, in Sarah’s case, literally more slaves.

I think we all suffer from Sarah Syndrome to some degree. When we grow restless in our barrenness, when we wait on the LORD for deliverance from our affliction, that is when the symptoms begin to show. The anxiety. The coveting. The self-entitlement. The spouse-loathing. The disbelief. We start visiting doctors who advocate for practices that break commandments of the LORD. We succumb to the advice of the roaring women around us and try to be fruitful and multiply outside of the one-flesh union God designed for procreation. We start looking around for some Hagars to give us the children we want and think we deserve.

And then, like Sarah, we despair when the work of our hands comes to fruition. For, we the baptized know deep down inside that God will give us a child if it be according to His will – not from a petri dish, not from a surrogate, not from the work of our own hands, but from the mysterious, one-flesh union God designed from the beginning of time or from the gift of adoption He so perfectly demonstrates for us in His Word. If God does not give us the gift of children through these blessed means, then we can be assured that it is for the best. He is working our childlessness for our good, and we can confidently rest in God’s guarantee of that goodness as He proclaims it in Scripture. “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the the name of the Lord.”

Maybe you have already acted out on your Sarah Syndrome and feel ashamed. In Christ, sister, be at peace and take joy in this good news:

In spite of all of Sarah’s disbelief, in spite of her meddling, in spite of her laughing and lying, God still kept His promise to her and to Abraham. God visited Sarah years later, long after her menses had ceased, and she finally conceived and bore Isaac, a son and heir from whose family line would eventually come Jesus, the Savior of the world.

In keeping His promise to Sarah, God was actually keeping His promise to save you; and, in believing this promise, God counts it to you as righteousness.

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Not a blessed, one-flesh union in the bunch.

Thy Kingdom Come

I like to download episodes of Issues, Etc. onto my phone and then take them out on walks with me.

One sunny day in Dallas, I put in my earbuds, stretched my calves and hamstrings, clicked “play” on my phone, and hit the pavement.

(Cue the familiar “Viva la Vida” bump music by Coldplay.)

As I settled into a comfortable stride, the host Todd Wilken introduced that day’s program: a sermon review of some preacher in Indiana, one Rev. David Petersen. Now, I was no dummy Lutheran. I had heard of the guy. He was that chasuble-wearing pastor at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Fort Wayne, the leader of those Rudisillians, a staunchly loyal breed of Lutherans with whom I had bumped elbows on many occasions.

“Repent.” Rev. Petersen spoke into my ears. “You are vain, and you worship yourself.”

P1020576Woah. How did he know? I looked around the subdivision I was circling. Had anyone seen me blush? Only some crape myrtle trees and those crazy, bug-eyed grackles.

“There is One who needs no repentance,” he continued, preaching from the parables of the lost sheep and the lost coin in Luke 15. “…These parables are not about us, and in our fallen flesh we always think everything is about us. These parables are about Him, the Christ, who needs no repentance.”

I noticed that I had slowed down. In fact, I was standing still on the curb, looking up the street but seeing nothing. Well, I was seeing something. I was seeing my reflection in Rev. Petersen’s words, and it wasn’t pretty. It’s never pretty when you stare your Sin in the face, when your conscience plays chicken with a Law-wielding pastor. This guy was telling me that I turn everything, even Scripture, into something about myself. And he was right.

My Old Adam lay slain on the pavement.

“‘I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 righteous persons who need no repentance.’ And this is the great surprise. The holy angels rejoice over every sinner who repents more than they ever rejoice over a single, perfect, and holy Messiah who needs no repentance.

…Every sinner on earth, everyone infected with both original and actual sin, everyone in bondage, every habitual sinner, every liar, every betrayer, every pharisee, every pervert, every fraud, every braggart, every drug dealer, terrorist, adulterer, and child pornographer, every selfish, proud person on this planet who repents is worth more joy in heaven than 99 perfect and holy messiahs.

You do not only outrank the sparrows in terms of causing joy in heaven, you outrank God in the flesh. You are worth more than 100 times – at least in terms of joy – you are worth more than 100 times Jesus. Jesus, God in the flesh, does not cause the holy angels of heaven to rejoice even 100th as much as you – your repentance and faith – do.” 

Why? Because Jesus, the Messiah, who needs no repentance, is rejected in heaven, and that rejection effects/causes/is the means of the rescue, the salvation, and the redemption of the world, of sinners. “

Okay, by this point, I was a mess. Not a hot, sticky, summer-in-Texas kind of mess but a weeping, liquidated-and-redeemed by the Law and Gospel kind of mess. I found myself walking back and forth on the same square of sidewalk, trying desperately to hold it together for the sake of the Lexuses and BMWs that were now driving by my little piece of universe.

With the blessed Word, this Midwestern pastor had gunned down the black heart of an insignificant pastor’s wife way down below the Mason-Dixon line and then resuscitated it back to life with the precious, life-giving blood of Christ, all within a span of a few minutes.

Needless to say, I didn’t get much of a workout that day, but I did start downloading more Issues, Etc. episodes, especially the ones with the word “Petersen” in the tag line.

I am a proper Pastor Petersen junkie, now. Though I have never met the man, I can’t get enough of his piercingly honest bedside manner when he diagnoses my Sin-sick Old Adam, and he never fails to prescribe the Word-rich remedy which my disease requires: Christ crucified for my redemption.

For this reason, it is my pleasure to inform you that Emmanuel Press recently published Thy Kingdom Come, a collection of Lent and Easter sermons written by Rev. Petersen.

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Now, you don’t need to live on Rudisill Boulevard or own an iPod to receive the Word from this beloved pastor. You can simply order this book and let Rev. Petersen preach a sermon to you over and over again, page after fortifying page.

“Faith has no strength in itself,” Rev. Petersen reminds us. “If the faith planted in us is not tended by the Word and Sacraments, it will wither and die…He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”*

Or, in this case, he who has eyes to read, let him read Thy Kingdom Come for the strengthening of his faith.

* (Petersen, Thy Kingdom Come, 5-8)

On the Night before Christmas…

…everyone turned in their blog posts.

Just a quick reminder:

What: Second Annual Writing Contest
Who: Anyone and everyone (women, men, married, single, barren, and blessed) can submit a post.
Topic: “My Suffering Is a Blessing”
Rules: Simply compose your post of 600 words or less in an email and send it to katie@katieschuermann.com by December 25th. The winner will be announced on Epiphany (January 6th). Please be sure to include your name and shipping address in the email.
Prize: Winner will receive a free copy of He Remembers the Barren and a SURPRISE! The top three finalists will also see their posts featured on our website.

Love and joy come to you,

Your HRTB Hosts

pooh think

Think, think, think.

Tattling Trees

20071230-2014My husband and I recently attended a Christmas party hosted by a lovely couple in their autumn years of life. As the wife showed me around their festive home, she pointed out the various ornaments on the trees they had decorated in each room.

“We made all of these ornaments by hand.” She pointed to the tallest tree in the living room. Each ornament had been wrapped in a lush fabric and adorned with colored beads and shiny ribbons. The effect was regal and folky at the same time, like a Russian ballroom before the revolution.

“My students gave me these,” she smiled. This tree was smaller and shinier, teeming with tinselly holiday fare from the fifties and sixties.

As my hostess showed me everything that twinkled and glowed, I noticed something. None of the trees in the house graced ornaments made by beloved daughters or sons. I suppose I have a nose for this kind of thing, because my tree is absent of such fare, as well. I took a risk.

“Do you have any children?”

“No,” she said rather flatly.

“We haven’t been blessed with children, either.”

She turned around to look at me. “It used to hurt really bad, but then…”

I watched her search for the right words. “But then you realized you have life to live?”

“Yes.”

I looked around at her trees filled with memories of students, friends, parents, siblings, and time spent with her husband. Life to live, indeed.

Gaudete and Counting

IMG_1454This is it, the blessed third Sunday in Advent.

Today, we garnish our Advent repentance in church with a hearty “Rejoice!” in the Introit. We also light the rose candle in our wreaths in joyful anticipation of the coming Christ child.

Do you know what else we remember today? We remember that December 25th, the deadline for HRTB’s Second Annual Writing Contest, is quickly drawing nigh. There are only nine days left to perfect your submissions.

So, light your rose candles, sing “O Come, O Come Emmanuel,” and get busy organizing your 600 words or less on the topic “My Suffering Is a Blessing” into the best post ever. We can’t wait to read what you have to say.

Happy Writing!

Open Sesame

MP900432756I’ve been noticing something.

Most Christians don’t doubt that God can open wombs. What they seem to doubt is that God also closes wombs or, at least, allows them to stay closed.

I know this full well, for I receive a lot of correspondence from people who think my present barrenness is a direct result of my wanting prayer life. They conclude I must not have enough faith that God can open my womb or He would have already.

That’s tough correspondence for me to receive, because, in fact, I do believe that God can open my womb. It’s just that I know He has not promised me in His Word that He will do so, and it is idolatry to put my hope and trust in that which God has not promised. Frankly, it is also exhausting. I grow weary of playing the part of belligerent, spoiled brat with my Father in heaven, stomping my feet, shaking my fists, and demanding from Him the children I think I’m owed in this life. God is not a vending machine (as my husband often says). He is my Creator, Savior, and Comforter. And, I think it is pertinent to point out that in spite of all of my huffing and puffing, God in His wisdom has still not given me a child.

I’d much rather live today in the sweet, confident expectation of what God has promised me in His Word: that He works all things, even my childlessness, for my good. That is the promise in which I put my faith. That is the good gift for which I pray: Lord, continue to give (and not give) me exactly what is best for me. Thy will be done. Amen

Has God closed my womb? I don’t know. Maybe. At the least, He is permitting my womb to be closed today. If I do get pregnant tomorrow, it will not be because I finally prayed the right prayer for the right amount of time with the right amount of faith. It will be because God decides to give me, His beloved child, a gift that I neither merit nor earn. It will be because that is what God in His omniscient wisdom decides is best for me.

You know what this means, right? Today, it is God’s best for me to be barren.

An Awkward Christmas Gift

I know, I know.

He Remembers the Barren is not exactly the kind of gift you want to wrap up and put under the tree for your loved one. Who wants to open a package and find this inside instead of something from Williams-Sonoma?

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I mean, did you see the cover? Talk about awkward when everyone else around the tree stops and asks your loved one, “Ooo, what did you get?”

And, let’s be honest, the book doesn’t exactly make a great stocking stuffer, either. It would go over like a detonated grenade amongst the dark chocolate, fuzzy socks, and iTunes gift cards.

Yet, I still think He Remembers the Barren  is a good gift worthy of giving, because the holidays can be one of the most difficult times of the year for a barren woman. She can’t escape her grief when she is surrounded by children’s Christmas programs at church, family dinners galore, and greeting cards introducing everybody else’s newest editions to their families; she has to endure renditions of Connie Francis’s “Baby’s First Christmas” over the sound system whenever she goes shopping; she has to maintain her game face for an entire month’s worth of watching other people’s children enjoy the festivities and holiday traditions. It can be rough.

So, please consider giving your loved one He Remembers the Barren this season of Advent, but use some of your James Bond-esque stealth in the giving. Here are some suggested tactics (Q and M approved, of course):

  • Read the book yourself, so that you know what your loved one is going through and can better love her through her grief and suffering.
  • Give the book to your loved one’s parents, siblings, pastor, etc. for the same reasons.
  • Write a note to go with the book (i.e. “This book is not a label or a judgment. It is a great big hug from me to you. I read it, and it helped me know that God remembers me even when I suffer. I thought it might help you, too. I love you.”)
  • Give her the book in private and at a time when she does not need to be around people for awhile. You can mail it to her home, or you can hand it to her wrapped and tell her to wait until she is alone to open it.
  • If you two already have a history of openly discussing her barrenness, then give it to her in person when it is just the two of you. And tell her what she means to you.
  • Once you give it to her, don’t bring it up. Wait for her to talk about it or not talk about it.
  • Don’t be offended if she doesn’t read it for awhile. Depending on what phase of the grief cycle she is currently experiencing, she may want nothing to do with it at first. She might even be embarrassed or offended. Still, won’t it be nice that the book will be there for her when she is ready for it?

Thank you for caring enough for your loved one to do what is hard. She is blessed to have you in her life.

That Girl

Stressed BusinesswomanWe’ve all been that girl before. Thank you, Jen, for sharing your experiences with us, so that we know we are not alone.

Argggg! I was that girl today.

I was chosen as one of five employees at the hospital to start a green belt program, and I’ve been super giddy excited about the process. We five green belts met today with the program manager and an external consultant. We were learning about process mapping, and, as an example, the program manager decided we’d all map the process for getting our kids off to school.

Then, she said it.

“Everyone in here has kids, right? We all know how it goes.”

I wanted to crawl under the table when everyone nodded except for me. To make matters worse, the program manager innocently followed those statements with, “Oh, Jen, I thought you had a family.”

While everyone turned to look at me, I fought back tears. I smiled and replied that my husband is my family. The program manager stated something about how I could relate with taking care of my animals before work. (You know, cause it’s SO similar.) 

We had to discuss the process for getting kids ready for school for a full hour. I am just happy I survived and didn’t burst into tears until I made it to my car. I guess this is helping to give me thicker skin.

I plan to reread your book tonight. Thank you again for writing it. It’s a great comfort in times like this.

Jen, I think I speak for all of us when I say that I am so sorry for what you had to endure today, but I am also thankful for the gracious way you handled it. “Forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do.” Amen.

You were chosen to be a green belt because of your many God-given gifts and talents. Don’t be afraid to hold your head up high in the next meeting. You are smart, kind, and gracious, and God IN HIS WISDOM has not yet made you a mother. It is just the way it is. There is nothing wrong with you, even though all of this hurts so much.

So, I will end this post by wishing you the proudest of congratulations, because that is what you deserve to hear. I think that team is pretty blessed to have you.