Church

Suffering

God Himself causes our suffering.  He is not the cause of sin, mind you, but He is the cause of our suffering.  [p.32]  Those are the words of Dr. Gregory Schulz  in his book The Problem of Suffering: A Father’s Hope.

As I read Dr. Schulz’s book, I began to think he had a window to my heart.  As he shared the struggles of pain and suffering surrounding the death of two of his children, he asked why these things could happen.  I asked that same question surrounding my barrenness.  He wrote based on his experiences as a father and a husband.  He asked why suffering happens.  He questioned suffering in the world.  I asked those very same things.  Dr. Schulz pointed me to Jesus, the only relief from suffering.

We experience death, pain, sorrow, and grief. How can suffering come from God?  Suffering is real.  Suffering hurts.  Suffering drives us to our knees.  Suffering demonstrates to us that we are mortal.  We cannot cure every disease.  We cannot prevent death.  We cannot administer the drug that takes away aches and pains.

No, our only relief lies in Jesus Christ.  He took all of our sin sicknesses and sufferings and ingested them into Himself on the cross – for us.  We are made holy in our baptisms.  Once baptized, though, we are signed up for a lifetime of suffering.

There is great temptation to say that our suffering will come to a fairy-tale ending in this world.  On the contrary, in this world we will have pain and sorrow.  It would be foolish to insist that our suffering is going to have a glorious finish.  This is a sinful world, and while we dwell in it, we will not be safe from sin.  When the body and soul of the believer in Christ are united with Jesus, THEN all suffering will end.  This is why we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “But deliver us from evil.”  True relief is peace in Christ.

In this world, we will experience disappointment, heartache, death, miscarriage, and so much more.  Take heart, dear sisters and brothers in Christ, you are not alone.  Dr. Schulz writes: “…even the Gospel doesn’t give us absolute rest as long as we are away from home in this vale of tears.  It can and does bring us the Good News of Jesus, the rest for our souls, but we still experience anger and anxiety.” [p.124]  He continues: “My joy is not complete.  It cannot be, until God grants us all a blessed reunion in heaven.” [p.125]  God does not abandon you.  He loves you, and He understands your suffering.

I commend this book to you.  Grieve with Dr. Schulz.  Live under the cross of Jesus until He takes you to Himself, where all suffering ends.

Meals for the Masses

This past week our family was privileged to host two other families, each with four children.  I decided that one of our meals would be tacos.  Our little family of three can make 1 pound of taco meat last for two meals.  Before our friends arrived I prepared 3 pounds of taco meat.  When it came time to eat, the kids were in line, and the large bowl of taco meat was rapidly diminishing before my very eyes.  There was no way that 3 pounds was going to be enough.  I quickly defrosted 2 more pounds of ground beef and started cooking it.  I didn’t have any more taco mix, so I used up the rest of my chili powder to make the meat.  The kids waited (as patiently as possible) for me to finish cooking lunch.

Note to self:  Make AT LEAST 5 pounds of taco meat for 9 children.  The adults can eat lettuce.

Incomplete Joy

On May 23 I sat in a rocking chair at a friend’s house and held a precious little girl in my arms and sang to her of Jesus’ love, Jesus’ lambs, the Lamb’s High Feast, and Simeon’s song, which boldly asks the Lord for a peaceful departure from this life. The very next day, on her first birthday, she died. It wasn’t a surprise–everyone knew that this was the likely outcome of her disease–yet it was tragic nonetheless. What once was here is no longer and there is heartache.

On May 28 I sat in a rocking chair in my own house and held a precious little boy in my arms and sang to him as well. In great irony and yet in God’s perfect timing, He chose to send our family new life in the midst of mourning another’s death. Although the wait seemed so long, when we received the phone call two weeks ago that there was finally a baby for us, we were in shock. What once was just a prayer had become a reality and is finally here and there is much joy.

You can imagine the rejoicing, no doubt. I won’t deny that we’ve had our blissful days. Yet behind it all is the knowledge, the grave reality, that it is not complete. I don’t mean that our family isn’t complete. Only God knows when that will be. I mean the joy is incomplete. Why? Doesn’t a baby make everything perfect? Isn’t it everything that I’ve always wanted? No, it isn’t.

I say it isn’t because I live in the Body of Christ, and when one suffers, all suffer. My friend just buried her daughter.  I mourn with her and cry for her, even as I shed tears that come from watching my new son sleep. My arms, now sore from the new weight I’ve been carrying around, also ache for my family members and friends who continue to wait to hold their own gifts. As I pray prayers of thanksgiving for the blessed baptismal day that brought my son into God’s family, I simultaneously cry out for God’s mercy and intervention to stir the hearts of those I love who have rejected their own baptisms. Life and death, both physical and spiritual, continue to surround us all and permeate our daily experiences and relationships. The sun frequently peaks out from behind the clouds to give us a glimpe of the Light that will one day completely surround us, but the clouds never entirely float away.

Therefore, members of the Body of Christ do not move in and out of categories such as “the suffering,” “the blessed,” “the content,” “the afflicted.” We are one, and if we truly love one another we remain together, bearing one another’s burdens, joys, gifts and tragedies. The completeness comes at the end of the struggles, at the resurrection, and only then. This side of heaven there are times when we feel that our cup runneth over and there are times when our parched lips taste no relief. But the living waters flow freely between those mansions the Lord prepares for us, and I continue to long for the healing it will bring to the Body.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

I’ve been thinking of the hymn that starts, “Jesus has come and brings pleasure eternal, Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End,” (LSB 533). The wait for this family to be reunited with their child is just beginning. The wait for my family to be united with a second child has come to an end. I pray that the Alpha and Omega, our Lord Jesus, would grant our two families and all the Body of Christ the opportunity to walk this path of life together, focusing on His eternal pleasures, the full and complete joy that will most certainly be ours one day when the clouds all fade away and the Son shines in all His brilliance.

Filled to Overflowing

Peter (of the Bible) was a professional fisherman.  He knew what to do to fill his nets, but he had a problem.  He had spent the entire night out on the sea and caught nothing.  He had done all he could and still came up with an empty net.

Along came his good friend Jesus, who told him to cast his net on the other side of his boat.  What – the other side of the boat?  How much difference can there be?

And yet Peter obeyed.  Immediately the net was overflowing with fish.  Immediately.  How I wish I could have seen Peter’s face.  He must have been floored.  The Lord filled the net with good things and all good things.

Jesus gives me only good things, too.  I have tried to conceive a child.  I’ve taken test after test and popped my share of pills.  My best efforts were still not good enough because I am sinful.  I still came up with an empty womb.  Rather, the Lord opens His hands and graciously gives – when and where He wills.  He has already given to me the very best things.  I have received His name in Holy Baptism.  I have received the forgiveness of my dreadful sins through His Body and Blood.  I have heard through my ears the Absolution of sins forgiven.  The gifts of eternal life and salvation are mine – not through my own merits but through Jesus Christ, my Lord God and Savior.

Like Peter, my best works aren’t good enough.  My sinful body proves it.  Jesus, however, is good, and He is more than enough.  He fills and satisfies.  On my own, I will certainly come up empty-handed, but I know with certainty that Jesus does what is best for me.  He fills my life with gifts that are too numerous to count.  May we all be given faith to trust in the Lord’s mercy, just as Peter learned to do, and to receive God’s gifts with thanksgiving.

Wise Words

Here is a little something my mama wrote to me in an email the other day. And, yes, she is this cool in person. If you haven’t already, I hope you get to meet her someday (as well as sit down at her breakfast table to eat her homemade, whole grain waffles with home-grown blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries on top).

It would seem that most of us are not blessed in the way in which we anticipate being blessed.  I would suggest that our fallen human vision is too limited to identify what constitutes a blessing. We must rely on our heavenly Father’s promise that He is blessing us, that He desires only what is best for each of us individually – and that includes those whom we love so dearly. How amazing! What grace! God grant me that faith! 

I believe that through my life experiences, God has shown me grace to understand that it is natural for my fallen nature to have earthly expectations and even to make those thoughts into requests of Him; however, I must concede His all-knowing, perfect, gracious, merciful, and good will to provide me with what I need to grow and mature in Him – to call me into the vocations that will use the gifts with which He has blessed me. I have learned that it is more important to BE His child than to serve any other purpose on earth, no matter how strongly my misguided heart and mind desire otherwise than that which He provides me….and He gives me the Holy Spirit to persevere and not grow weary, as He equips me to serve Him and others.

Where Is the Line?

Question Submitted: I realize we have all been given different gifts, but the gift of children (or not) is such a sensitive issue. I am blessed to have mine. How much of my joy in my children am I able to share with my barren friends without hurting them? I don’t feel I should necessarily hide my joy in my own children…but there is perhaps a line somewhere to consider.

The line is in God’s commandment to serve our neighbor. Here’s what it looks like:

I have a friend whose mother died of cancer several years ago. I know that every time I speak of my mother, go out in public with my mother, write something about my mother, or even post a status on Facebook about my mother, I am treading on sensitive ground. With my words and actions, I am calling to mind that which she has lost and possibly causing her to suffer. Because of this, I try to speak, write, and act in such a way that has her best in mind.

This does not mean I cease celebrating the gift of my mother. It just means that I know my mother is a precious gift I neither merit nor deserve, so I try not to boast of her in front of my neighbor. Instead, I thank God for my mother, try to honor her, and strive to live out my vocation as daughter in service to her.

Children are another gift from God, and they should be received with all thankfulness, joy, and celebration. Yet, God’s commandment still holds true: everything we say and do should be in service to our neighbor. So, my best advice would be to thank God for your children, delight in their accomplishments, and celebrate their milestones as they come and go, but do so in public with your neighbor’s best in mind.

(A quick note for my barren sisters: Children truly are a gift given from God, even when they are not given to us. It is a good thing when another baby is born into this world. I know it is hard not to covet the children of your neighbors, but I think you will find it easier to join in on the celebration of your neighbors’ children when you take an active role in their lives. Suddenly, their celebrations are your celebrations, their joys your joys. It can be hard to celebrate when you are always on the sidelines. Vocation makes all the difference. Just some food for thought…)

A Love Letter to Mothers

Dear Mothers,

There are so many things I like about you.

I like it that you give birth to and adopt children, no matter how painful or gross or inconvenient or time-consuming or expensive or politically incorrect it may be.

I like it that you bring your children to the waters of Holy Baptism so they can be reborn into God’s family. One of the greatest joys in my life is witnessing those baptisms and shouting out, “Amen!” Thank you for that opportunity.

I like it that you bring your children to church every Sunday. Seriously. Don’t worry when they scream or cry or bang their heads on the pews. Kids are noisy, but as baptized children of God they need to hear the Word and grow up in the church.

I like it that you hand your babies to me to hold and snuggle and console and put to sleep when you can’t. It is a huge confidence booster.

I like it that you know how to make homemade yogurt.

I like it that you talk straight to me about your life as a mother. I may not be able to fully understand it, but I learn so much through your experiences (and feel special that you confide in me).

I like it that you ask me questions about my life and celebrate the things that make me different from you.

I like it that you invite me into your home on feast days, so that I can experience the gift of family even when it is not my own.

I like it that you teach your children to call me “Mrs.” or “Miss” or “Aunt” Katie, because every time they speak my name they are reminded that I am worthy of respect.

I like it that you let me be barren and remind me of the good gifts God gives to me every day.

I like it that you selflessly (willingly!) die to self every day and then get up the next morning to do it all over again.

I thank God for you, and I pray for you. A blessed Mother’s Day to all of you!

Love, Katie

Barren Children

A dear sister in Christ wrote this thoughtful response to the post, Mother’s Day. Let’s remember in prayer tomorrow all in the body of Christ, especially those who are estranged from or are without a mother to celebrate:

There are also “barren” children who wish for that mother who is always talked about on Mothers Day. You know, that “mom” who is perfect and has given unconditional love and is always there for them; who took them to church, who put on bandaids, who saw all of their piano recitals or basketball games, and on and on…

I was fortunate and blessed to have a loving mother, even though at times I felt like the unloved child. My mom was not perfect and still is not, and neither am I. As an adult, I have become very attached to her, especially since my dad has passed. However, I know some adult children who had a mother but not a “mom” and still wish for one to this day. 

Many children feel “barren” of that real mom. Just something to think about and remember this Mother’s Day…

Do You Know a Good Guy?

Rebecca and I were talking the other day.

We have this friend. She is the bee’s knees, the cat’s meow.

She is the catch of the century, and we want nothing more than to see her married and settled and loved and taken care of by a superstar husband. We want her dreams of being a housewife and mother fulfilled. We want the comfort of knowing that she has a man there to provide for her and protect her day and night. We want the open-ended question of her marriage status to be answered, closed, sealed, stamped, and delivered so that we can hear the swell of romantic music and feel those Anne-and-Gilbert warm fuzzies whenever we think of her.

Basically, we want her to have what we have, and it is hard not to flip through the little black books in our minds and try to set her up with Mr. Right.

Yet, God has not given our friend the gift of a husband today, and spending all of our time, energy, love, and attention trying to fix her marriage status is no different than others trying to fix our barrenness.

Lord, forgive us! Save our friend from our own wants and help her to rejoice in the good gifts You have given her today. Amen.

Dear Pastor

Question Submitted: How can I use gift language in the church?

There are many opportunities for pastors to start using gift language in the church. One pastor in Illinois recently suggested to me that he could begin talking with catechumens about how the presence of Sin in the world can affect their First Article gifts, including the gift of children. I think this is a wonderful idea, not to instill a fear of barrenness in our youth, but to anchor them in a theology of the cross which helps them better understand suffering when it comes to them, as well as how to understand the suffering of others.

Premarital counseling is another opportunity for a pastor to practice using gift language. A pastor can talk openly with couples about the fact that children are a gift to receive with thankfulness from the Lord, and he can also discuss with them what to do if God in His wisdom chooses not to grant them children. Rebecca suggested to me a couple of months ago that pastors could teach couples at this time how to make use of the catechism, hymnal, and Scripture in their home, so that they will continually be reminded of God’s promises for them in this life, whether parents or not. She also suggested that pastors use this time to teach couples how to pray, not just for a child, but for the contentment to live a life of service to Him on whatever path He may choose.

Whatever is in store for these couples, conversations like these will establish a relationship with the pastor which opens the door for them to come talk to him about all of the private and potentially embarrassing challenges that can arise in the struggle with barrenness. In preparation for such conversations, it is important that the pastor stay up-to-date on infertility medicine. He needs to be prepared to advise barren married couples on ethical issues surrounding certain procedures that break commandments of our Lord, as these couples may never hear such information from their doctors. Thankfully, resources like Lutherans for Life and LCMS World Relief and Human Care make this an easier task for all of us.

Mother’s Day, a secular holiday that has worked its way into our Sunday services, is another prime opportunity for using gift language. Pastors can remind their congregations every second Sunday in May to celebrate all of the women who serve as mothers in the church: godmothers, aunts, school teachers, babysitters, sewing circles, LWML, secretaries, altar guild, VBS bakers, and every woman who faithfully lives out her vocation in service to others. We don’t want to minimize or dismiss the love we have for the mothers who bore and raised us, but Mother’s Day is the perfect time to properly recognize that motherhood is a vocation given by God, not an achievement rewarded by men.

When I ask myself, a barren woman, what would be the best arena in which a pastor could teach his congregation to use gift language, I immediately think of a weekly Bible class. Maybe in between teaching classes on Romans and Ezekiel it would be helpful to include a study on the barren women of the Bible. Here’s why: I am an ignorant sheep. I need a pastor to tell me what the Bible says. When I look at the stories of Sarai, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth in the Bible, I can’t help but read into their stories some kind of theology of glory. Maybe if I pray as hard as Hannah did, maybe if I had more faith, God would reward me with a child? Praise be to God a pastor told me the good news that none of those women in the Bible conceived because they deserved it but because they are all a part of the story of Jesus coming into the world. In their stories, we find more than just the comfort of a God who gives barren women the gift of children. We find the comfort of a God who gives a barren, sinful world the gift of a Savior, Christ Jesus our Lord!