Church

Her Hands Are Full

Snake’s alive! This world sure is a Debbie Downer when it comes to kids.

I have a friend who is expecting Baby # __ (insert any numeric value over the culturally acceptable number of two), and almost anyone and everyone I tell about Baby’s pending birth says of my friend: “Wow. She has her hands full!”

Not, “Congratulations!” or “Wonderful!” or “How exciting!” or “Praise God for His good gift!” but a pair of raised eyebrows and strained words of judgment.

Is it really such a strange thing to us in the Church that a married couple should welcome more than two children into their family as gifts from God? For, you see, that is what children are to us. They are gifts. We know this to be true, because that is what God tells us in His Word. Children are a heritage from Him, and the couple who has them is blessed. (Psalm 127)

Sure, children may be work. They may require us to give up our annual trek to Sonoma or to forgo buying a new dress every Easter or to miss sleeping for an entire year, but that does not change the truth in God’s Word that children are a sign of His favor. And God’s Word doesn’t differentiate. Baby #8 is just as much of a blessing and a gift as Baby #1. We are so selfish when we think that it is our love and desire that make a child valuable, as if our own wanting or not wanting should determine the goodness of God’s gifts. It is God’s love that gives any of us value, including the children He wants to give to us.

So, whenever someone gives me a “Wow, she has her hands full!” in response to my friend’s blessed state, I usually have to manhandle my eyeballs to keep them from rolling and squeeze my lips shut to keep a sigh of exasperation from escaping. Once my body parts are properly submissive, I try to smile brightly and confess boldly, “Yes, her hands are full of blessings from God!”

Either children are a blessing, or they aren’t. Either God’s Word is true, or it isn’t. Which one is it?

If you don’t know, ask a barren woman.

So You Wanna Complain?

There’s a psalm for that. Yes, you can complain to God about your situation. This world is full of injustices, and barrenness is one of them. God is fully aware of our childless home; He knows the desires of our hearts. Thus, He invites us to bring our sorrows and hurts to Him. When we complain to God, we give evidence to our faith, that we know God is gracious and merciful to hear us and has the power to help us.

Even more, God tells us HOW to complain. There are psalms of lament in the book of Psalms. These psalms show us that it is good and right to complain to our heavenly Father. The very words to use in our complaints are given to us by God Himself.

So what’s in a psalm of lament?  1) a complaint to God about what has gone wrong and God’s failure to help  2) a plea to God for help  3) a confession of faith in God’s goodness  4) a promise of praise for God’s help

Psalm 13 demonstrates all four of these components.

Psalm 13

1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,

4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

A psalm of lament gives voice to our sorrows and shows us how to complain. When our lives don’t go as planned, we hurt. It seems as if God has abandoned us, and that makes us angry. This is where Satan enters. He seeks to skew our vision and desires to turn us away from God. Instead, we run with those hurts and angers to Jesus. We unload it on Him, for He alone can take our anger and heal our hurts. Thus, God uses our anger to teach us to rely on Him for all of our needs, both of body and soul.

Share your feelings of sorrow, hurt, and anger with your pastor. Go to him; he is God’s man for you in your time of need. Your pastor will help you complain to God (He can give you a whole list of lament psalms) and will also comfort you with words of God’s grace and mercy.

So go ahead and complain. God wants to hear from you. In fact, He has given you the best words to use – His own.

The Art of Godparenting

Question Submitted: My sister and brother-in-law just welcomed their first child and our first niece into the world. They called us two days ago and asked if we would be her godparents. We welcome any and all godparent advice. 

Oh, goodie! This is one of my all-time favorite topics. Please, forgive me if I go overboard in my response. While I have not been blessed with any children of my own, God has seen fit to fill my quiver full with precious godchildren – and I delight in this role! In fact, I probably fall more into the category of god”smother” than godmother.

Here are a few tricks of the trade I have picked up over the years:

1. I grew up with a baptismal banner hanging in my bedroom. Every morning, noon, and night, I could look on my wall and be reminded of the day I was baptized into Christ. Because of this, I think it is important to make a baptismal banner (or some kind of commemorative item) for each godchild. Sometimes, churches already have committees that make banners for their baptismal candidates. In these cases, you can make different things. I once made a candelabra to hold my godson’s baptismal candle, and on another occasion I made a mirror with a cross painted on it for my goddaughter to look in and see her cross-marked reflection.

2. Of course, if you can, it is important to be present to witness the baptism. This is not always possible, but it helps in the years ahead to be able to give first-hand memories from that day. We (my husband and I) hang a picture of our godchildren’s baptisms on our wall at home, so that we can remember them in prayer whenever we see their pictures.

3. We buy them each their own nativity and give a new figurine from the set as a gift every Christmas (starting with Joseph, Mary, and Jesus the first Christmas). A lovely lady I met at seminary taught me this one. (Thank you, Elizabeth!)

4. On their first baptismal birthday, we make them a homemade baptismal scrapbook that has pictures and anecdotes from their baptism. It tells the story of their baptismal day and instructs them on what exactly happened when they were baptized. We like the idea of them looking at it throughout the years and growing up with the proper language of God’s free gift of salvation in their head and in their heart. It is also a great way to teach them the meanings of their white clothing, the candle, the sign of the cross, etc.

5. We bribe them silly. We give them a quarter for every commandment they memorize. We take them out for ice cream when they memorize The Lord’s Prayer. We let them pick out three kinds of candy (one for each person in the Trinity) when they memorize The Apostles Creed. We also give them a quarter for every hymn stanza they learn, though we like to focus on The Ten Commandments, first. (Skype is a great tool for long distance catechismal questioning.)

6. We also talk with the parents and figure out what kinds of books/resources the church provides for our godchildren over the years. Then, we try to supplement whatever they don’t have. If the family doesn’t already have a catechism or Bible, then we like to get them CPH’s The Story Bible and My First Catechism. We plan on giving our godchildren their own Lutheran Study Bible upon confirmation.

7. We encourage the families of our godchildren to have daily family devotions, especially during Advent and Lent. Kids love Advent wreaths and calendars if you are looking for more baptismal birthday gift ideas down the road.

8. I try to teach each of our godchildren the words and actions to both LSB 594 “God’s Own Child, I Gladly Say It”  and the following baptismal song:

   I was baptized, happy day!
   All my sins were washed away.
   God looked down on me and smiled.
                                              I became His own, dear child.

From one god”smother” to another, the most important thing is to faithfully pray for your godchildren and to play an active part in their Christian education. If you toss in a little ice cream, a few books, and some games of tag every now and then, it doesn’t hurt one bit.

Suffering

God Himself causes our suffering.  He is not the cause of sin, mind you, but He is the cause of our suffering.  [p.32]  Those are the words of Dr. Gregory Schulz  in his book The Problem of Suffering: A Father’s Hope.

As I read Dr. Schulz’s book, I began to think he had a window to my heart.  As he shared the struggles of pain and suffering surrounding the death of two of his children, he asked why these things could happen.  I asked that same question surrounding my barrenness.  He wrote based on his experiences as a father and a husband.  He asked why suffering happens.  He questioned suffering in the world.  I asked those very same things.  Dr. Schulz pointed me to Jesus, the only relief from suffering.

We experience death, pain, sorrow, and grief. How can suffering come from God?  Suffering is real.  Suffering hurts.  Suffering drives us to our knees.  Suffering demonstrates to us that we are mortal.  We cannot cure every disease.  We cannot prevent death.  We cannot administer the drug that takes away aches and pains.

No, our only relief lies in Jesus Christ.  He took all of our sin sicknesses and sufferings and ingested them into Himself on the cross – for us.  We are made holy in our baptisms.  Once baptized, though, we are signed up for a lifetime of suffering.

There is great temptation to say that our suffering will come to a fairy-tale ending in this world.  On the contrary, in this world we will have pain and sorrow.  It would be foolish to insist that our suffering is going to have a glorious finish.  This is a sinful world, and while we dwell in it, we will not be safe from sin.  When the body and soul of the believer in Christ are united with Jesus, THEN all suffering will end.  This is why we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “But deliver us from evil.”  True relief is peace in Christ.

In this world, we will experience disappointment, heartache, death, miscarriage, and so much more.  Take heart, dear sisters and brothers in Christ, you are not alone.  Dr. Schulz writes: “…even the Gospel doesn’t give us absolute rest as long as we are away from home in this vale of tears.  It can and does bring us the Good News of Jesus, the rest for our souls, but we still experience anger and anxiety.” [p.124]  He continues: “My joy is not complete.  It cannot be, until God grants us all a blessed reunion in heaven.” [p.125]  God does not abandon you.  He loves you, and He understands your suffering.

I commend this book to you.  Grieve with Dr. Schulz.  Live under the cross of Jesus until He takes you to Himself, where all suffering ends.

Meals for the Masses

This past week our family was privileged to host two other families, each with four children.  I decided that one of our meals would be tacos.  Our little family of three can make 1 pound of taco meat last for two meals.  Before our friends arrived I prepared 3 pounds of taco meat.  When it came time to eat, the kids were in line, and the large bowl of taco meat was rapidly diminishing before my very eyes.  There was no way that 3 pounds was going to be enough.  I quickly defrosted 2 more pounds of ground beef and started cooking it.  I didn’t have any more taco mix, so I used up the rest of my chili powder to make the meat.  The kids waited (as patiently as possible) for me to finish cooking lunch.

Note to self:  Make AT LEAST 5 pounds of taco meat for 9 children.  The adults can eat lettuce.

Incomplete Joy

On May 23 I sat in a rocking chair at a friend’s house and held a precious little girl in my arms and sang to her of Jesus’ love, Jesus’ lambs, the Lamb’s High Feast, and Simeon’s song, which boldly asks the Lord for a peaceful departure from this life. The very next day, on her first birthday, she died. It wasn’t a surprise–everyone knew that this was the likely outcome of her disease–yet it was tragic nonetheless. What once was here is no longer and there is heartache.

On May 28 I sat in a rocking chair in my own house and held a precious little boy in my arms and sang to him as well. In great irony and yet in God’s perfect timing, He chose to send our family new life in the midst of mourning another’s death. Although the wait seemed so long, when we received the phone call two weeks ago that there was finally a baby for us, we were in shock. What once was just a prayer had become a reality and is finally here and there is much joy.

You can imagine the rejoicing, no doubt. I won’t deny that we’ve had our blissful days. Yet behind it all is the knowledge, the grave reality, that it is not complete. I don’t mean that our family isn’t complete. Only God knows when that will be. I mean the joy is incomplete. Why? Doesn’t a baby make everything perfect? Isn’t it everything that I’ve always wanted? No, it isn’t.

I say it isn’t because I live in the Body of Christ, and when one suffers, all suffer. My friend just buried her daughter.  I mourn with her and cry for her, even as I shed tears that come from watching my new son sleep. My arms, now sore from the new weight I’ve been carrying around, also ache for my family members and friends who continue to wait to hold their own gifts. As I pray prayers of thanksgiving for the blessed baptismal day that brought my son into God’s family, I simultaneously cry out for God’s mercy and intervention to stir the hearts of those I love who have rejected their own baptisms. Life and death, both physical and spiritual, continue to surround us all and permeate our daily experiences and relationships. The sun frequently peaks out from behind the clouds to give us a glimpe of the Light that will one day completely surround us, but the clouds never entirely float away.

Therefore, members of the Body of Christ do not move in and out of categories such as “the suffering,” “the blessed,” “the content,” “the afflicted.” We are one, and if we truly love one another we remain together, bearing one another’s burdens, joys, gifts and tragedies. The completeness comes at the end of the struggles, at the resurrection, and only then. This side of heaven there are times when we feel that our cup runneth over and there are times when our parched lips taste no relief. But the living waters flow freely between those mansions the Lord prepares for us, and I continue to long for the healing it will bring to the Body.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

I’ve been thinking of the hymn that starts, “Jesus has come and brings pleasure eternal, Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End,” (LSB 533). The wait for this family to be reunited with their child is just beginning. The wait for my family to be united with a second child has come to an end. I pray that the Alpha and Omega, our Lord Jesus, would grant our two families and all the Body of Christ the opportunity to walk this path of life together, focusing on His eternal pleasures, the full and complete joy that will most certainly be ours one day when the clouds all fade away and the Son shines in all His brilliance.

Filled to Overflowing

Peter (of the Bible) was a professional fisherman.  He knew what to do to fill his nets, but he had a problem.  He had spent the entire night out on the sea and caught nothing.  He had done all he could and still came up with an empty net.

Along came his good friend Jesus, who told him to cast his net on the other side of his boat.  What – the other side of the boat?  How much difference can there be?

And yet Peter obeyed.  Immediately the net was overflowing with fish.  Immediately.  How I wish I could have seen Peter’s face.  He must have been floored.  The Lord filled the net with good things and all good things.

Jesus gives me only good things, too.  I have tried to conceive a child.  I’ve taken test after test and popped my share of pills.  My best efforts were still not good enough because I am sinful.  I still came up with an empty womb.  Rather, the Lord opens His hands and graciously gives – when and where He wills.  He has already given to me the very best things.  I have received His name in Holy Baptism.  I have received the forgiveness of my dreadful sins through His Body and Blood.  I have heard through my ears the Absolution of sins forgiven.  The gifts of eternal life and salvation are mine – not through my own merits but through Jesus Christ, my Lord God and Savior.

Like Peter, my best works aren’t good enough.  My sinful body proves it.  Jesus, however, is good, and He is more than enough.  He fills and satisfies.  On my own, I will certainly come up empty-handed, but I know with certainty that Jesus does what is best for me.  He fills my life with gifts that are too numerous to count.  May we all be given faith to trust in the Lord’s mercy, just as Peter learned to do, and to receive God’s gifts with thanksgiving.

Wise Words

Here is a little something my mama wrote to me in an email the other day. And, yes, she is this cool in person. If you haven’t already, I hope you get to meet her someday (as well as sit down at her breakfast table to eat her homemade, whole grain waffles with home-grown blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries on top).

It would seem that most of us are not blessed in the way in which we anticipate being blessed.  I would suggest that our fallen human vision is too limited to identify what constitutes a blessing. We must rely on our heavenly Father’s promise that He is blessing us, that He desires only what is best for each of us individually – and that includes those whom we love so dearly. How amazing! What grace! God grant me that faith! 

I believe that through my life experiences, God has shown me grace to understand that it is natural for my fallen nature to have earthly expectations and even to make those thoughts into requests of Him; however, I must concede His all-knowing, perfect, gracious, merciful, and good will to provide me with what I need to grow and mature in Him – to call me into the vocations that will use the gifts with which He has blessed me. I have learned that it is more important to BE His child than to serve any other purpose on earth, no matter how strongly my misguided heart and mind desire otherwise than that which He provides me….and He gives me the Holy Spirit to persevere and not grow weary, as He equips me to serve Him and others.

Where Is the Line?

Question Submitted: I realize we have all been given different gifts, but the gift of children (or not) is such a sensitive issue. I am blessed to have mine. How much of my joy in my children am I able to share with my barren friends without hurting them? I don’t feel I should necessarily hide my joy in my own children…but there is perhaps a line somewhere to consider.

The line is in God’s commandment to serve our neighbor. Here’s what it looks like:

I have a friend whose mother died of cancer several years ago. I know that every time I speak of my mother, go out in public with my mother, write something about my mother, or even post a status on Facebook about my mother, I am treading on sensitive ground. With my words and actions, I am calling to mind that which she has lost and possibly causing her to suffer. Because of this, I try to speak, write, and act in such a way that has her best in mind.

This does not mean I cease celebrating the gift of my mother. It just means that I know my mother is a precious gift I neither merit nor deserve, so I try not to boast of her in front of my neighbor. Instead, I thank God for my mother, try to honor her, and strive to live out my vocation as daughter in service to her.

Children are another gift from God, and they should be received with all thankfulness, joy, and celebration. Yet, God’s commandment still holds true: everything we say and do should be in service to our neighbor. So, my best advice would be to thank God for your children, delight in their accomplishments, and celebrate their milestones as they come and go, but do so in public with your neighbor’s best in mind.

(A quick note for my barren sisters: Children truly are a gift given from God, even when they are not given to us. It is a good thing when another baby is born into this world. I know it is hard not to covet the children of your neighbors, but I think you will find it easier to join in on the celebration of your neighbors’ children when you take an active role in their lives. Suddenly, their celebrations are your celebrations, their joys your joys. It can be hard to celebrate when you are always on the sidelines. Vocation makes all the difference. Just some food for thought…)

A Love Letter to Mothers

Dear Mothers,

There are so many things I like about you.

I like it that you give birth to and adopt children, no matter how painful or gross or inconvenient or time-consuming or expensive or politically incorrect it may be.

I like it that you bring your children to the waters of Holy Baptism so they can be reborn into God’s family. One of the greatest joys in my life is witnessing those baptisms and shouting out, “Amen!” Thank you for that opportunity.

I like it that you bring your children to church every Sunday. Seriously. Don’t worry when they scream or cry or bang their heads on the pews. Kids are noisy, but as baptized children of God they need to hear the Word and grow up in the church.

I like it that you hand your babies to me to hold and snuggle and console and put to sleep when you can’t. It is a huge confidence booster.

I like it that you know how to make homemade yogurt.

I like it that you talk straight to me about your life as a mother. I may not be able to fully understand it, but I learn so much through your experiences (and feel special that you confide in me).

I like it that you ask me questions about my life and celebrate the things that make me different from you.

I like it that you invite me into your home on feast days, so that I can experience the gift of family even when it is not my own.

I like it that you teach your children to call me “Mrs.” or “Miss” or “Aunt” Katie, because every time they speak my name they are reminded that I am worthy of respect.

I like it that you let me be barren and remind me of the good gifts God gives to me every day.

I like it that you selflessly (willingly!) die to self every day and then get up the next morning to do it all over again.

I thank God for you, and I pray for you. A blessed Mother’s Day to all of you!

Love, Katie