Church

The Fact of the Matter Is…

Kelly Stout reminds us in her reflection on “Advent and Barrenness” that we do not wait for the Lord in vain:

There are many ways the word “wait” is used in the English language. I could be “waiting” for a bus, as in expecting something to happen soon that I know will eventually happen. I could be “waiting” for the day I pay off my student loans, as in looking forward to something spectacular. I could be “waiting” for my friend to arrive off the plane at an airport, as in being in a state of readiness for something to occur.

As a couple who lost our first child in a miscarriage, had our second child through domestic infant adoption, and had our third child through conception and birth, we have learned to use the word “wait” sparingly. It can have a glaringly awful connotation to those going through any of these life events.

“Just wait, it will happen for you eventually!” – A comment said by many (who mean well) to those who are barren or have lost a child to miscarriage (when in fact, it may very well not happen).

“Now that your documents are completed, we just wait for the courts to approve this.” – A sentence every adoptive parent trembles at in anticipation of having an adoption finalized.

“We need to wait for the next ultrasound results before we can make any recommendations.” – A scary statement for any couple “waiting” for a child through pregnancy.

The fact of the matter is – sometimes waiting is excruciating.

In Advent, we wait for our Lord. “Wait,” as in expecting something to happen soon that I know will eventually happen…as in looking forward to something spectacular… as in being in a state of readiness for something to occur.  Oh great, again, we wait. But why does the wait of Advent have such a different connotation than the waiting associated with miscarriage, barrenness, adoption, and birth? That is simple.

First, there are no questions about what WILL happen. I don’t have to wonder what is coming at the end of this wait. I know that my Lord – the baby born in a manger, the God man who died on a cross for me, the creator of heaven and earth, the God who gave me all three of my wonderful children (one being a child I am waiting to meet someday) – I know that my Lord IS coming. The assurance of what WILL happen is a gift from our Lord.

Secondly (and the best part about this type of waiting), my Lord already comes to me through Word and Sacrament. I don’t have to endure this wait without Him. His faith is brought to me by hearing His Word. His true body and blood are present for me in Communion. Kneeling at His table, I have a piece of the heaven I have been waiting for all this time. The Christ Child we speak of during Advent provides comfort, forgiveness, and eternal life through His death and resurrection. These gifts are enough to sustain me through all the waits I have in this life.

To make the moment at the Communion rail even sweeter, I also know that my child who endured an earthly death is there with the angels, the archangels, all the company of heaven, and me.  We are joined in perfect communion with all the saints.

The fact of the matter is – sometimes waiting is heavenly.

Kelly Stout

Promises That Bring Eternal Life

Heidi Sias reminds us in her reflection on “Advent and Barrenness” that though God does not promise all women will bear children, He does make promises – and He keeps them:

“Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years.” In Luke 1, we hear the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth. God made a promise to them that they would bear a son, John. John was to be the forerunner for Christ, and he leaped in the womb when he heard Mary, the mother of our Lord, approach with a greeting. Even as a baby in the womb, John recognized the advent of our King. This was John’s first proclamation of the Messiah, whom Mary carried in her womb, as he recognized this babe who had come to be the sacrifice for the sins of the world and bring salvation to all who believe.

When God makes promises, He keeps them. Elizabeth had a promise from God to finally bear a child even in her old age, however women today don’t have that same promise. They may bear a child, or they may not bear a child. Those who are barren suffer because of the broken world of sin that we live in where everything doesn’t go perfectly. There’s not always a “happy ending” when it comes to having a child of their own. Women who have children of their own also suffer because of the broken world of sin through the heartache that comes with raising a child when everything doesn’t go perfectly. Each woman has her own cross to bear. Though God does not today promise women that they will bear children, He still has many promises for us–promises that bring eternal life for all who believe.

First, in 1 Corinthians 12, God promises that those in Christ are members of one body. In this we depend on one other, rejoice with one another, mourn with one another and comfort one another. Through this, barren women have many children in the family of God. We care for one another and help one another, especially children who need this help. Though a barren woman does not have a flesh and blood child to care for, she does have children in the body of Christ, family, godchildren, orphans and those who are needy, whom she gets to care for as a servant of Christ.

Most importantly however, everyone who is in Christ has His promise of salvation. This includes those who are barren and those who are fruitful. This promise is for you! Elizabeth says to Mary upon her visit, “blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from her Lord.” Women today are also blessed in believing this promise given to us in God’s Word. Jesus Christ fulfilled this promise when He took on flesh and came down to earth as a baby. He grew up to die on a cross. He rose from the dead to conquer death once and for all. He has won salvation for us, this tiny babe of Bethlehem. We can lift up our heads with confidence in His victory for us, as we through faith await His return in the second advent of our King. On this last day He will take us to be with Him, where He will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore. (Revelation 21:4) Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly!

Heidi Sias

A Child For You

Christmas is going to bring me to tears this year.  It has happened for the past several years, and I’m ready for it.  Any time a baby is born, that is a time to rejoice.  God has brought forth into the world a tiny baby, one who has been formed and knit in a mother’s womb.  That’s a miracle.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and more gather around to welcome this child into their family.  A baptism brings even more joy as the child becomes part of the family of believers.

At those times, my arms ache for a child I also wish to hold.  I ache to nestle a child close to me and ponder her future.  I wonder when it will be my turn to parent a baby.  Will there ever be a child for me?

On Christmas, we celebrate the birth of another child.  However, it’s not just any child; it’s the birth of Jesus, the Christ-child.  This is the child who would endure the most difficult life ever.  This child would be spit upon, scorned, bruised, beaten, rejected, and nailed upon a cross to die.  This child would be mentally tested time and time by the devil, who would seek to ruin Him.  This child would defeat sin, death, and the devil for you.  This child is preparing a place for you in heaven.  This child stands in your place before the Father and covers your iniquities.  There is nothing within us that deserves any of these gifts.

But Jesus, the Christ-child did it anyway because He loves us.  And that’s what brings me to tears.  Christ became a baby for me.  He lived a perfect life for me.  He died for me.  He rose for me.  Now He lives for me.  My tears at Christmas are tears of repentance and tears of joy.

So rejoice, dear sister, there is a child for you.  The words of the Christmas angel are meant for you, “You will find Him wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” (Luke 2:12)  Christ the Savior is born FOR YOU.

Let It Be To Me

I continue to marvel at Mary’s response to Gabriel’s unbelievable message: “…let it be to me according to your word,” (Luke 1:38). She didn’t know what those words really meant, did she? She couldn’t have known.  She couldn’t have foreseen the heartache she would have to go through as the mother of the Messiah, who was destined to suffer and die. Yet the Holy Spirit moved her to speak with great confidence in her calling as the Lord’s servant, chosen for an honor unlike any that had ever been given before. A great honor, to be sure, but one that was accompanied by great suffering.

Can you speak these words from Mary as you experience the unexpected, the disappointments, the losses? Throughout our lives we all experience those proverbial “closed doors” where it seems pretty clear that going in the direction we had planned is not according to God’s plan. This news does not come from a heavenly being, reminding us first to “Fear not,” but rather from physicians or social workers who are simply stating the facts.

“The cancer had spread more than we thought,” says the surgeon.“We had to do a hysterectomy.” But I’m so young! It doesn’t seem possible that I’ll never be able to give birth. I never dreamed this would happen.

“It doesn’t appear that any growth has taken place in the last month,” says the OB. “I’m so sorry.” No! This was the answer to our prayers. Why would God give us this miracle and then take it away? It’s not fair.                                                           

“We have just received word that all referrals are on hold indefinitely,” states the email from the agency. “We will notify you when we have more details.” Not another hold up! We’ve been through this before. This could add even more years to our wait.

The shock. The denial. The anger. The fight. The exhaustion. The surrender. Then, finally, the prayer: “Let it be to me according to Your word.”

Using Mary’s statement as a prayer can be both a spiritual and physical struggle for some. At times we may even feel the need to physically grasp hold of something as we speak it so as to brace ourselves for the realization of all our fears. Our sinful nature attaches such hesitancy to this concept of full submission. Why is that? After all these years of the Lord’s providence, generosity, faithfulness, and care, why have we still not learned our lesson?

For me it’s getting a little better. You know why? I’ve been practicing. Every week on Sunday morning I hear the true, inspired, life-giving words that speak of the Lord’s promises to me and I practice this prayer—this time with all boldness and confidence.

“In the stead and by the command of our Lord Jesus Christ, I forgive you all your sins.…” Let it be to me according to Your word!

“I believe in the…resurrection of the body and the life everlasting.” Let it be to me according to Your word!

“…given and shed for you for the forgiveness of sins.” Let it be to me according to Your word!

 “The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.”

 Let it be to us all according to His Word!

A Season of Waiting and Preparing

By now, you’ve noticed all the of hustle and bustle that surrounds December.  We’re all getting ready.  People are making quick maneuvers to snag the coveted parking spot.  The cashiers carry looks of weariness after scanning people’s purchases.  People zip in and out of stores, hunting for the perfect gift.  The toy aisles are especially crowded.  Men and women pick up one toy, compare it to the next, and drop one into their carts.  I wonder if the gifts are for their children, nieces, nephews, neighbors, or godchildren.

We’ve been in those aisles, too.  What will excite my nieces and nephews?  What will thrill our daughter Joanna this year?  I get caught up in finding the right gift for adults, too.  What would make my friend’s life easier?  Will she like it?

I’ve also been preparing my home for Christmas.  We put up our tree and decorated it.  We have the red and green paper chains hanging above doorways.  The baking has begun.  The Christmas letter mulls around in my head.

One of my favorite things about preparing for Christmas, though, is putting out one special nativity set.  A dear friend made it for Jerome and me as a wedding gift.  It is lovingly handcrafted.  I am reminded of God’s great love for me as I unwrap Mary; she is the handmaiden of the Lord.  Watchful Joseph protects his family as best he can in meager surroundings.  The manger is filled with hay.  I don’t put Baby Jesus in it, though.  He won’t be placed in the manger until Christmas Eve.  That used to puzzle Joanna, but she has learned that Advent comes first.

Advent is a time of waiting and preparing.  During Advent we recall our sins and how much we needed Jesus to become a man and live a perfect life for us.  We use the weeks of Advent to confess our sins of coveting and hear the good news that we are forgiven of those wrongful desires.  It is a time to clean out our hearts and make ready to receive the Christ-child.

I need Advent.  My heart is full of sin.  I covet other couples’ children.  I covet the husband and wife who will be surrounded with children and grandchildren at their dinner table.  I want to hang several stockings for little ones in my house.  I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.  Yes, the Lord has been gracious and given us Joanna, but I desire more.  I’ve been waiting for another child to become part of our family.  I feel I’ve been waiting long enough.  These are the times when I forget that God gives me the things I need.  I need a Savior – one who saves me from my wrongful thoughts and desires.

And so I continue to prepare for Christmas.  I go to the Word, where I hear the words of John the Baptist.  He says, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.”  In God’s Word, I hear and read that my sins are removed by the crucified and arisen Christ.  I have Jesus.

Now I’m awaiting Jesus’ final coming when He will take me and all believers to Himself in heaven.  In this earthly life, I am hoping and praying that God would end my wait for a larger family.  While it may or may not happen, I don’t have to wait to find out if heaven is for me.  Jesus has told me that He is there, and He is preparing a place for me.  Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Beauty

Have you ever noticed that your perception of beauty changes as you age?

In grade school, I thought beauty was dressed in a blue ball gown, danced with a prince, and sang to birds and mice.

In junior high, beauty tight-rolled her jeans at the ankles and used a curling iron, pick, and White Rain ultra hold hairspray to achieve bangs that resembled water shooting out of a fire hydrant.

In high school, beauty stressed that her waist and hip measurements were so much bigger than those of Cyd Charisse, Judy Garland, and every other MGM musical star.

In college, beauty had the perfect smile and the most handsome date.

In grad school, beauty wrote the best papers, sang bel canto, and earned the trust and respect of department heads.

In marriage, beauty had the perfect home.

Today, that beauty grosses me out. Oh, I still chase after her like a fool (though I have retired my tight-rolled jeans), but I know now that she is self-absorbed. She is self-serving. She is consumed with consuming. She is a false product sold to me by a lying world.

True beauty is something entirely different. Beauty is Gloria preparing snacks for the VBS kids summer after summer. Beauty is Elvina getting up every morning during the Christmas season to water the dozens of poinsettia’s at the sanctuary altar, leaning on her walker the entire time. Beauty is Sue driving to Panera late every Saturday night to collect bread and goodies for the Sunday morning crowd. Beauty is Pam arriving to church before the sun comes up to make sure every Sunday school classroom door is unlocked and prepared for all of those precious children. Beauty is Maria making sure the altar guild has hand lotion next to the sacristy sink to keep serving hands from chapping after caring for the Lord’s tableware. Beauty is Joyce seeking out visitors in church every Sunday and making sure they feel welcomed. Beauty is Kate playing her flute for the voluntary in the early service. Beauty is Ann faithfully bringing her children to church and Sunday school week after week. Beauty is Olivia telling her baby brother that Jesus died for his sins.

And, beauty is Jenny walking up to me at the back of the nave and silently handing me her smiling, cooing baby with a look of love and understanding in her eyes.

You know it’s true. Though you have never seen these ladies, you already know them to be beautiful by the good works with which they have adorned themselves.

What joy to be part of such a beautiful Church!

Writing Contest

HeRemembersTheBarren.com is hosting a writing contest!

Tell us in 600 words or less about “Advent and Barrenness.” The winning post, chosen by our panel of hosts, will receive a free copy of He Remembers the Barren. The top three finalists will also see their posts featured on our website.

Simply compose your post in an email and send it to katie@katieschuermann.com by December 20th. The winner will be announced on Christmas Day.

Please be sure to include your name and shipping address in the email.

Throughout this Advent season, we remember that Jesus Christ, the Son of God and second person of the Trinity, took on flesh for our salvation. We look ahead to His second advent on the last day. O come, O come, Emmanuel!

Interview on “Family Shield”

Thank you to Family Shield Ministries and Kay Meyer for covering the topic of barrenness and He Remembers the Barren on the “Family Shield” radio program yesterday afternoon. I hope you’ll have a listen, too.

Click here for a direct link to the program’s MP3 file.

Or, if you would like to learn more about Family Shield Ministries, please click here.

Contentment Is Not Perpetual Happiness

In a world that tells me I can “have it all,” it is quite hard to accept the fact that God may not have a houseful of children planned for me.  I’ve wanted that since I was young.  As a little girl, I saw lots of moms with their children.  I saw the joy reflected in the faces of mothers and their children as they interacted with each other.  Motherhood seemed to be a happy time.

The truth is that I don’t always get what I want.  As a young, married woman, I saw that I was not receiving a quiver full of children.  Without lots of children surrounding my table, how was I going to be happy?  Thus began a struggle to “have it all.”  I had forgotten that God provides what I need, and He knows what is best for my eternal good.  God provides abundant blessings to all of His children, whether single or married.  God’s sons and daughters receive the forgiveness of their sins and eternal life and so much more. Those blessings can only be good gifts.

I never imagined that barrenness would be part of my vocabulary.  I never dreamed that it would be part of my life.  To hear the word “barren” would conjure up visions of darkness, loneliness, and lack of hope.  What a wrong picture that was.  God’s blessings abound for the Christian, barren woman.  She is a baptized child of Christ.  The Lord is with her always.  He grants to her the forgiveness of sins and so much more.

The Lord, in His mercy, has granted me a loving spouse and a dear daughter.  I know that I gain nothing by trying to control my own fertility, or by coveting the children that have been given to others.  I have learned to rejoice in the blessings that have been given to me, and that has helped me to be content.

If my source of contentment is myself, then my world will constantly make me unhappy.  I am a sinner, and my feelings will often lead me to pity myself, to covet the gifts others have received, and to be angry at God.  None of that could ever lead to happiness because it is subjective.  There will be no contentment for me when I focus on my selfishness.  Things go wrong.  My life is not always a happy place.  If I’m going to trust contentment to come from within me, then I’m going to be sad nearly all of the time.  There is suffering in this world, and Satan uses suffering to lead us to despair.  He tells me that my barrenness is what’s giving me sorrow.  If I can find some way to “fix” my barrenness, then I will be happy.  If I have one child, then I will be happy.  If I have another child, then maybe I’ll be happy.  To that, I say, “Satan, be gone!”  Barrenness is a cross to bear, but Jesus Christ has borne my sins and sorrows for me and gives me Himself.

True contentment can only come from outside myself.  Jesus Christ is the only true source of peace.  Thus, being content does not always mean that I will be happy.  And thanks be to God that my contentment does not rely on me.  There will continue to be times of sorrow throughout my life.  I have pain and trouble; I don’t always feel happy.  Thank God that my faith in Him does not depend on my feelings.  I know with 100% certainty that I am saved from myself through the blood of Jesus.  Because of His grace and mercy, I can go to sleep in peace.  My world is filled with troubles, but I know that I rest in the arms of Jesus.  There is no safer place to be, for it is in Him alone that I have complete comfort.  I am at peace in Christ alone.

What Is There for the Barren Husband?

Question Submitted: Could you recommend a book that would be helpful for my husband? He feels immense guilt and sadness about our inability to have children. I know there are books geared towards women, but I don’t know of any that are geared towards men.

As a barren husband myself, I wish that I knew of a book or article out there that addressed this topic for men. From what I’ve been able to discover, though, there is little if anything out there that seeks to provide comfort to barren men. That being said, I do think that many men would benefit from reading Katie’s book. Yes, there are sections of it that speak much more to the specific grief and pain that the barren woman feels, yet many of the feelings of loss, abandonment, and loneliness are shared by both husband and wife. He Remembers the Barren helps to point each of us back to our abundant worth as children of God.

I’ve also found that studying the Lutheran (Scriptural, really) doctrine of vocation has been beneficial in my personal struggles with feelings of helplessness and of having let my wife down. For the general reader, Gene Veith’s God at Work is the go-to text for learning about this doctrine of vocation. Through vocation, we Christians gain a tremendous comfort in knowing that the things we’re doing in our lives, as well as being able to identify who our neighbors are in life, are all providential gifts of God. He intends for us to serve our neighbor in many and various ways, and He uses us as his “masks” in order to serve them. We find comfort in seeing God’s will concretely revealed for us in the exact circumstances in which we find ourselves.

In fact, using the general doctrine of vocation as a guide, I’d encourage all men who are suffering from barrenness to listen to God’s Word for them in Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (ESV)

Here is God’s general desire for husbands: love your wives. Christ came not to be served but to serve. Hearing that we husbands are “Christs” to our wives in marriage (Paul tells us that marriage is a mysterious picture of Christ and the Church), our vocation then is understood as one of serving them. In other words, we should look first to their needs. Our needs are taken care of in Christ’s gift of our wives. Marriage is so beautiful, because, as we serve our wives and give ourselves for them, they likewise will serve us, too.

So, practically speaking, lead your wife in life and especially in the faith. Find a good devotional resource that you can use on a daily basis. A couple excellent ones are the Treasury of Daily Prayer and Bo Giertz’s To Live with Christ. Pray with and for your wife. Set aside a time each week where the two of you will go and do something which you both enjoy together. Once a week, get out the grill and make lunch or dinner. When something breaks in the house, don’t call the repair man, but instead see if you can learn how to fix it yourself (but, please, don’t kill yourself!). These are all excellent vocational ways to actively love and lead your wife.

Finally, men, don’t be afraid to go and talk to your pastor. I know it’s true that we want to appear strong and might feel that talking with your pastor would be a sign of weakness. Please don’t feel this way. Your pastor is there for you, to listen to you and speak Christ’s words to you, in your need. Every single one of us needs this. Hear what the writer to the Hebrews says about Jesus: “Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.” (ESV) See what care God has for you? Jesus is there to speak comfort to you, because He completely understands you. Don’t be afraid to come to Him and His pastors, so that your ears can hear his words of mercy for you.

Rev. Michael P. Schuermann