Church

IVF: A Time to Mourn

Each January we are reminded of the millions of lives that have been lost through abortion since Roe v. Wade in 1973. Our churches have been sent materials to help us recognize and discuss the importance of life during this time of year when we remember the monumental court ruling that removed the right to life from the most helpless of our society. I was encouraged this past November to see that the state of Mississippi was allowing its people to vote on whether they believed that life began at conception. There seemed to be so much support for the amendment and pro-lifers were optimistic about the outcome. But it failed. It’s not surprising that Planned Parenthood was working overtime in an attempt to “educate” the public and I’m sure had much influence with some of the voters. But what really got me was that the other group leading the fight against the measure were what some might consider “my own people.” Infertile couples and fertility clinics were frightened by the possibility that, as a result of this measure passing, IVF might also become illegal in their state.

The attitude that helped prevent this amendment from passing came across loudly and clearly in the blogosphere during the time prior to the vote. While most of the barren bloggers that I came across who were against the amendment demonstrated a common obsession with self-interest regardless of what the truth might be, at least they appeared to understand the significance of the statement that life begins at conception. For some reason they fully understood what takes place during an IVF procedure. Many well-meaning Christians do not.

Or maybe they do after all. A CNN article that came out in early November focused on one Christian family who seemed to know exactly what they were doing with IVF, and the possibility of having personhood assigned to embryos didn’t give them reason to pause and reflect about what they had already participated in. Rather, it prompted them to move up the date of their next procedure.

I wish I could have a conversation with this family. I’m curious about how they would justify what they were about to do. Would they point to some Scripture passages that guided them to this decision? Would they say that their pastor counseled them to go ahead with this plan? Or did they simply feel that this was the right thing to do? How do their consciences handle the risk they were taking, when statistically 65% or more of their fertilized embryos will die?

If life begins at conception, and if all life is valuable, why don’t we as a Church likewise mourn for those tiny lives who have been conceived through IVF and either discarded to die, frozen to death, or who simply “didn’t take,” meaning they lost their lives in the struggle for the survival of the fittest? Abortion sacrifices the life of an innocent child for the perceived rights of the mother to control her own body. IVF sacrifices the lives of many children for the hope of one healthy, viable child for a desperate couple. Is one situation any less tragic than the other?

Sisters, please help me with this issue. If you take offense somehow or feel that I don’t have all the facts, please contact me (Rebecca) through the “Submit a Question” section. I want to dialogue about this. I want to know more than I do. Do you have a pastor who supported your own decision to do IVF? If so, I would love to talk to him. I want to find out if I’m missing something. But if I’m not–if I’m right on the money here–then we all need to be engaging our churches more in this topic and helping to educate both pastors and lay people about the significance of our actions when we seek to step in as the creator of earthly life and eternal souls. We need to love and cherish those children in our churches who were conceived through IVF while helping their parents and other couples look for alternative ways to fill the voids in their hearts. We need to repent, confess, forgive, and participate in a unified life together in our congregations, where we all have a common understanding of and appreciation for the sanctity of all human life.

We mourn for the deaths in abortions. We mourn for the deaths in miscarriages and stillbirths. Let us also mourn for the deaths that occur in IVF–deaths that are completely preventable.

The Enlightenment

In Dr. Martin Luther’s Small Catechism he reminds the Christian that one of the jobs of the Holy Spirit is to “enlighten me with His gifts,” and this enlightenment so often occurs when we are hearing the Spirit-filled words of Holy Scripture. Have you ever had that experience? Perhaps you’ve read the passage a hundred times before but suddenly you get it. It happened to me in church this week. The words hit my ears and penetrated my soul. The sanctuary filled with a bright light while angels sang and harps strummed to a great crescendo. Well, ok, maybe that part was just going on in my head. But the “aha!” moment was so profound that I almost felt like interrupting the service just to ask everyone if they had truly grasped the magnitude of the holy words we had just sung.

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

For a few seconds I wrestled with the “from those who walk uprightly” part. Does this passage really apply to me? I know how deep sin dwells within me. I cannot stand uprightly before God and face Him like I am. But wait–because I have put on Christ in my baptism, doesn’t our Heavenly Father see Christ when He looks at me? Do not the words of absolution I just received remind me that I am forgiven and righteous before God? And do not the righteous walk “uprightly”? YES! This is meant for me!

And then the key words of the passage were finally able to seep into the still empty crevices of my heart, like a soothing ointment that provides instant relief from pain. No good thing does He withhold. It finally occurred to me: God’s not holding out on me.

I hear the cry of a newborn infant in a store and I think, “Oh, what a blessed sound! How good it would be to hear that sound in my own home.” But it wouldn’t be good. Not now. Because if it would be truly good for me then I would already have it.

I hear of young single women who have just discovered that they are pregnant and I think, “Wouldn’t our family be best for this child? Doesn’t the girl realize how much better of a life this baby would have with two parents instead of one?” But over and over God has clearly indicated that it would not be good for those children to be ours. And God wants the highest good for us and for these children.

No good thing does He withhold. This means that right now, in this time and this place, I have all good things from my Lord and Savior. Whatever I feel that I lack is, according to Him, not a good thing for me. He is withholding only those things that are harmful to my body or my soul . He is, as the Psalm also says, my sun, lighting my path to my heavenly home through the promises of His Holy Word so that I do not stumble along the way. He is my shield, protecting me from all things which might lead me to trust in something other than His grace and mercy alone. He is also protecting me from myself and the ramifications of my sinful and selfish desires by covering me with His blood.

He’s not holding out on me. This realization is so freeing, so comforting. Even though we know better we can sometimes still be caught pondering whether our past sins have caused our current heartache. We feel like we’re being punished in some way, like a child whose parent has put his favorite toy up on the shelf because he did not pick up his room when told to do so. But God is not holding out on us. The baby we so desire is not waiting out there somewhere until we can get our acts together, figure out what sin we haven’t confessed, or guess at what God wants us to do next. He is giving all good things to us now–this moment, this day, this week. Alleluia! Let those angels keep on singing! I wish you could hear them, too.

New in Christ

A new year. A new beginning. A fresh start. All sorts of thoughts, dreams, and adventures await. Is this the year we get pregnant? Is this the year we adopt? All sorts of things lie ahead for each one of us. Would we want to know what we each day holds? Would we rather be surprised?

One thing that should not surprise the believer in Christ is the fact that she is the Lord’s child. In Holy Baptism, she has been given a fresh start to each and every day. Water was poured over her in baptism, and all her sins of thought, word, and deed were drowned. She is given a clean slate. She is forgiven of all sins.

I take great comfort in knowing that I am forgiven. You see, I already have lots of hopes and desires for the year. I know what should happen. I’ve got it all mapped out. I have plans to grow my family through adoption. I know that my dear friend would love to get pregnant and have a baby. I think I have all the answers. My thoughts are sinful because I’ve dictated to the Lord what He should do. I’m wrapped up in myself. For those thoughts, I confess my sins and ask for forgiveness. Then I pray that my life would always reflect the life of a baptized Christian. Will my thoughts edify the body of Christ? Will my words benefit my neighbor? Will my actions demonstrate my love for self or others?

Each day is a gift from the Lord. When I am given the gift of a new day, I pray that it might be a blessing to my husband, my daughter, and my neighbor.

This is a new year. Dear sister, begin each day in the name of the Triune God – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. You, who are baptized into Christ, are given a new beginning. Let us rejoice in the gift of new life in Christ.

The Fact of the Matter Is…

Kelly Stout reminds us in her reflection on “Advent and Barrenness” that we do not wait for the Lord in vain:

There are many ways the word “wait” is used in the English language. I could be “waiting” for a bus, as in expecting something to happen soon that I know will eventually happen. I could be “waiting” for the day I pay off my student loans, as in looking forward to something spectacular. I could be “waiting” for my friend to arrive off the plane at an airport, as in being in a state of readiness for something to occur.

As a couple who lost our first child in a miscarriage, had our second child through domestic infant adoption, and had our third child through conception and birth, we have learned to use the word “wait” sparingly. It can have a glaringly awful connotation to those going through any of these life events.

“Just wait, it will happen for you eventually!” – A comment said by many (who mean well) to those who are barren or have lost a child to miscarriage (when in fact, it may very well not happen).

“Now that your documents are completed, we just wait for the courts to approve this.” – A sentence every adoptive parent trembles at in anticipation of having an adoption finalized.

“We need to wait for the next ultrasound results before we can make any recommendations.” – A scary statement for any couple “waiting” for a child through pregnancy.

The fact of the matter is – sometimes waiting is excruciating.

In Advent, we wait for our Lord. “Wait,” as in expecting something to happen soon that I know will eventually happen…as in looking forward to something spectacular… as in being in a state of readiness for something to occur. Oh great, again, we wait. But why does the wait of Advent have such a different connotation than the waiting associated with miscarriage, barrenness, adoption, and birth? That is simple.

First, there are no questions about what WILL happen. I don’t have to wonder what is coming at the end of this wait. I know that my Lord – the baby born in a manger, the God man who died on a cross for me, the creator of heaven and earth, the God who gave me all three of my wonderful children (one being a child I am waiting to meet someday) – I know that my Lord IS coming. The assurance of what WILL happen is a gift from our Lord.

Secondly (and the best part about this type of waiting), my Lord already comes to me through Word and Sacrament. I don’t have to endure this wait without Him. His faith is brought to me by hearing His Word. His true body and blood are present for me in Communion. Kneeling at His table, I have a piece of the heaven I have been waiting for all this time. The Christ Child we speak of during Advent provides comfort, forgiveness, and eternal life through His death and resurrection. These gifts are enough to sustain me through all the waits I have in this life.

To make the moment at the Communion rail even sweeter, I also know that my child who endured an earthly death is there with the angels, the archangels, all the company of heaven, and me. We are joined in perfect communion with all the saints.

The fact of the matter is – sometimes waiting is heavenly.

Kelly Stout

Promises That Bring Eternal Life

Heidi Sias reminds us in her reflection on “Advent and Barrenness” that though God does not promise all women will bear children, He does make promises – and He keeps them:

“Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years.” In Luke 1, we hear the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth. God made a promise to them that they would bear a son, John. John was to be the forerunner for Christ, and he leaped in the womb when he heard Mary, the mother of our Lord, approach with a greeting. Even as a baby in the womb, John recognized the advent of our King. This was John’s first proclamation of the Messiah, whom Mary carried in her womb, as he recognized this babe who had come to be the sacrifice for the sins of the world and bring salvation to all who believe.

When God makes promises, He keeps them. Elizabeth had a promise from God to finally bear a child even in her old age, however women today don’t have that same promise. They may bear a child, or they may not bear a child. Those who are barren suffer because of the broken world of sin that we live in where everything doesn’t go perfectly. There’s not always a “happy ending” when it comes to having a child of their own. Women who have children of their own also suffer because of the broken world of sin through the heartache that comes with raising a child when everything doesn’t go perfectly. Each woman has her own cross to bear. Though God does not today promise women that they will bear children, He still has many promises for us–promises that bring eternal life for all who believe.

First, in 1 Corinthians 12, God promises that those in Christ are members of one body. In this we depend on one other, rejoice with one another, mourn with one another and comfort one another. Through this, barren women have many children in the family of God. We care for one another and help one another, especially children who need this help. Though a barren woman does not have a flesh and blood child to care for, she does have children in the body of Christ, family, godchildren, orphans and those who are needy, whom she gets to care for as a servant of Christ.

Most importantly however, everyone who is in Christ has His promise of salvation. This includes those who are barren and those who are fruitful. This promise is for you! Elizabeth says to Mary upon her visit, “blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from her Lord.” Women today are also blessed in believing this promise given to us in God’s Word. Jesus Christ fulfilled this promise when He took on flesh and came down to earth as a baby. He grew up to die on a cross. He rose from the dead to conquer death once and for all. He has won salvation for us, this tiny babe of Bethlehem. We can lift up our heads with confidence in His victory for us, as we through faith await His return in the second advent of our King. On this last day He will take us to be with Him, where He will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore. (Revelation 21:4) Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly!

Heidi Sias

A Child For You

Christmas is going to bring me to tears this year. It has happened for the past several years, and I’m ready for it. Any time a baby is born, that is a time to rejoice. God has brought forth into the world a tiny baby, one who has been formed and knit in a mother’s womb. That’s a miracle. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and more gather around to welcome this child into their family. A baptism brings even more joy as the child becomes part of the family of believers.

At those times, my arms ache for a child I also wish to hold. I ache to nestle a child close to me and ponder her future. I wonder when it will be my turn to parent a baby. Will there ever be a child for me?

On Christmas, we celebrate the birth of another child. However, it’s not just any child; it’s the birth of Jesus, the Christ-child. This is the child who would endure the most difficult life ever. This child would be spit upon, scorned, bruised, beaten, rejected, and nailed upon a cross to die. This child would be mentally tested time and time by the devil, who would seek to ruin Him. This child would defeat sin, death, and the devil for you. This child is preparing a place for you in heaven. This child stands in your place before the Father and covers your iniquities. There is nothing within us that deserves any of these gifts.

But Jesus, the Christ-child did it anyway because He loves us. And that’s what brings me to tears. Christ became a baby for me. He lived a perfect life for me. He died for me. He rose for me. Now He lives for me. My tears at Christmas are tears of repentance and tears of joy.

So rejoice, dear sister, there is a child for you. The words of the Christmas angel are meant for you, “You will find Him wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” (Luke 2:12) Christ the Savior is born FOR YOU.

Let It Be To Me

I continue to marvel at Mary’s response to Gabriel’s unbelievable message: “…let it be to me according to your word,” (Luke 1:38). She didn’t know what those words really meant, did she? She couldn’t have known. She couldn’t have foreseen the heartache she would have to go through as the mother of the Messiah, who was destined to suffer and die. Yet the Holy Spirit moved her to speak with great confidence in her calling as the Lord’s servant, chosen for an honor unlike any that had ever been given before. A great honor, to be sure, but one that was accompanied by great suffering.

Can you speak these words from Mary as you experience the unexpected, the disappointments, the losses? Throughout our lives we all experience those proverbial “closed doors” where it seems pretty clear that going in the direction we had planned is not according to God’s plan. This news does not come from a heavenly being, reminding us first to “Fear not,” but rather from physicians or social workers who are simply stating the facts.

“The cancer had spread more than we thought,” says the surgeon.“We had to do a hysterectomy.” But I’m so young! It doesn’t seem possible that I’ll never be able to give birth. I never dreamed this would happen.

“It doesn’t appear that any growth has taken place in the last month,” says the OB. “I’m so sorry.” No! This was the answer to our prayers. Why would God give us this miracle and then take it away? It’s not fair.

“We have just received word that all referrals are on hold indefinitely,” states the email from the agency. “We will notify you when we have more details.” Not another hold up! We’ve been through this before. This could add even more years to our wait.

The shock. The denial. The anger. The fight. The exhaustion. The surrender. Then, finally, the prayer: “Let it be to me according to Your word.”

Using Mary’s statement as a prayer can be both a spiritual and physical struggle for some. At times we may even feel the need to physically grasp hold of something as we speak it so as to brace ourselves for the realization of all our fears. Our sinful nature attaches such hesitancy to this concept of full submission. Why is that? After all these years of the Lord’s providence, generosity, faithfulness, and care, why have we still not learned our lesson?

For me it’s getting a little better. You know why? I’ve been practicing. Every week on Sunday morning I hear the true, inspired, life-giving words that speak of the Lord’s promises to me and I practice this prayer—this time with all boldness and confidence.

“In the stead and by the command of our Lord Jesus Christ, I forgive you all your sins.…” Let it be to me according to Your word!

“I believe in the…resurrection of the body and the life everlasting.” Let it be to me according to Your word!

“…given and shed for you for the forgiveness of sins.” Let it be to me according to Your word!

“The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.”

Let it be to us all according to His Word!

A Season of Waiting and Preparing

By now, you’ve noticed all the of hustle and bustle that surrounds December. We’re all getting ready. People are making quick maneuvers to snag the coveted parking spot. The cashiers carry looks of weariness after scanning people’s purchases. People zip in and out of stores, hunting for the perfect gift. The toy aisles are especially crowded. Men and women pick up one toy, compare it to the next, and drop one into their carts. I wonder if the gifts are for their children, nieces, nephews, neighbors, or godchildren.

We’ve been in those aisles, too. What will excite my nieces and nephews? What will thrill our daughter Joanna this year? I get caught up in finding the right gift for adults, too. What would make my friend’s life easier? Will she like it?

I’ve also been preparing my home for Christmas. We put up our tree and decorated it. We have the red and green paper chains hanging above doorways. The baking has begun. The Christmas letter mulls around in my head.

One of my favorite things about preparing for Christmas, though, is putting out one special nativity set. A dear friend made it for Jerome and me as a wedding gift. It is lovingly handcrafted. I am reminded of God’s great love for me as I unwrap Mary; she is the handmaiden of the Lord. Watchful Joseph protects his family as best he can in meager surroundings. The manger is filled with hay. I don’t put Baby Jesus in it, though. He won’t be placed in the manger until Christmas Eve. That used to puzzle Joanna, but she has learned that Advent comes first.

Advent is a time of waiting and preparing. During Advent we recall our sins and how much we needed Jesus to become a man and live a perfect life for us. We use the weeks of Advent to confess our sins of coveting and hear the good news that we are forgiven of those wrongful desires. It is a time to clean out our hearts and make ready to receive the Christ-child.

I need Advent. My heart is full of sin. I covet other couples’ children. I covet the husband and wife who will be surrounded with children and grandchildren at their dinner table. I want to hang several stockings for little ones in my house. I’ve been waiting a long time to do that. Yes, the Lord has been gracious and given us Joanna, but I desire more. I’ve been waiting for another child to become part of our family. I feel I’ve been waiting long enough. These are the times when I forget that God gives me the things I need. I need a Savior – one who saves me from my wrongful thoughts and desires.

And so I continue to prepare for Christmas. I go to the Word, where I hear the words of John the Baptist. He says, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.” In God’s Word, I hear and read that my sins are removed by the crucified and arisen Christ. I have Jesus.

Now I’m awaiting Jesus’ final coming when He will take me and all believers to Himself in heaven. In this earthly life, I am hoping and praying that God would end my wait for a larger family. While it may or may not happen, I don’t have to wait to find out if heaven is for me. Jesus has told me that He is there, and He is preparing a place for me. Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Beauty

Have you ever noticed that your perception of beauty changes as you age?

In grade school, I thought beauty was dressed in a blue ball gown, danced with a prince, and sang to birds and mice.

In junior high, beauty tight-rolled her jeans at the ankles and used a curling iron, pick, and White Rain ultra hold hairspray to achieve bangs that resembled water shooting out of a fire hydrant.

In high school, beauty stressed that her waist and hip measurements were so much bigger than those of Cyd Charisse, Judy Garland, and every other MGM musical star.

In college, beauty had the perfect smile and the most handsome date.

In grad school, beauty wrote the best papers, sang bel canto, and earned the trust and respect of department heads.

In marriage, beauty had the perfect home.

Today, that beauty grosses me out. Oh, I still chase after her like a fool (though I have retired my tight-rolled jeans), but I know now that she is self-absorbed. She is self-serving. She is consumed with consuming. She is a false product sold to me by a lying world.

True beauty is something entirely different. Beauty is Gloria preparing snacks for the VBS kids summer after summer. Beauty is Elvina getting up every morning during the Christmas season to water the dozens of poinsettia’s at the sanctuary altar, leaning on her walker the entire time. Beauty is Sue driving to Panera late every Saturday night to collect bread and goodies for the Sunday morning crowd. Beauty is Pam arriving to church before the sun comes up to make sure every Sunday school classroom door is unlocked and prepared for all of those precious children. Beauty is Maria making sure the altar guild has hand lotion next to the sacristy sink to keep serving hands from chapping after caring for the Lord’s tableware. Beauty is Joyce seeking out visitors in church every Sunday and making sure they feel welcomed. Beauty is Kate playing her flute for the voluntary in the early service. Beauty is Ann faithfully bringing her children to church and Sunday school week after week. Beauty is Olivia telling her baby brother that Jesus died for his sins.

And, beauty is Jenny walking up to me at the back of the nave and silently handing me her smiling, cooing baby with a look of love and understanding in her eyes.

You know it’s true. Though you have never seen these ladies, you already know them to be beautiful by the good works with which they have adorned themselves.

What joy to be part of such a beautiful Church!

Writing Contest

HeRemembersTheBarren.com is hosting a writing contest!

Tell us in 600 words or less about “Advent and Barrenness.” The winning post, chosen by our panel of hosts, will receive a free copy of He Remembers the Barren. The top three finalists will also see their posts featured on our website.

Simply compose your post in an email and send it to katie@katieschuermann.com by December 20th. The winner will be announced on Christmas Day.

Please be sure to include your name and shipping address in the email.

Throughout this Advent season, we remember that Jesus Christ, the Son of God and second person of the Trinity, took on flesh for our salvation. We look ahead to His second advent on the last day. O come, O come, Emmanuel!