Church

It Should Have Been Me

“Did you hear? Alyssa is pregnant!”

“Guess what. My neighbor is expecting twins!”

“Has anybody told you? The Greenbergs are adopting!”

I’m certain we have all been privy to such conversations. In those moments, I have done my best to show genuine excitement for the couple. However, I am falling apart on the inside. That good news should be mine. I should be buying maternity clothing. I should be shopping for a double-stroller. I’ve been eating well, exercising faithfully, attending church on a regular basis. We submitted all of our paperwork to the adoption agency. Birthmothers should be choosing my spouse and me to adopt her child.

If left up to us, our wishes would be fulfilled. The pregnancy test would be positive. The twins would have matching cribs. The adoption process would be smooth as silk. It should be me! I should be the one shouting out such good news. But, no, I’m on the receiving end of good baby news once again.

There’s something else that should have happened to me. I should have been the one who was scourged, spit upon, mocked, pierced, and crucified. Yes, I’m the sinner who has broken every single one of the Ten Commandments. It really should be me who’s dead. I really don’t deserve any of the goodness that has been bestowed upon me, for I am a conceited, selfish sinner, who deserves death.

Thanks be to God that He gave His Son to take that punishment for me. Jesus Christ endured the scorn, the pain, and even the death you and I deserved. During this Holy Week, I humbly bow before the Lord God and thank Him for taking away the death that should have been mine.

A Mother of Mothers

You’ve probably noticed by now that I rarely blog about the specifics of my vocations in life. It’s not because I don’t have them, and it’s not because I don’t rejoice in them. It’s simply that I am wary of suggesting that your barren life should look anything like mine. God gives each of us different neighbors to serve in life, and there is no sense in comparing.

(That, and the temptation to over-define God-given vocation as purpose can be too overwhelming.)

Yet, there are moments when my joy in my barrenness is such that I have trouble not waxing on all things vocational with you, so if you would indulge me for a few sentences…

Do you know what I love about being barren? I get to be a mother of mothers. God keeps putting more and more of them in my life. These beautiful, hard-working, self-sacrificing, sleepless women keep showing up on my humble path, and I get to serve them. I get to listen to them, nurture them, encourage them, comfort them, cook for them, clothe them, offer them hospitality, render them retreats, take them out for dinner, sing with them, dry their tears, watch their children, do their laundry, clean their bathrooms and floors, invite them over for coffee or tea, play with them, and commend them to my Father in Heaven in prayer.

What a beautiful thing it is to be barren of children but a mother of mothers!

The Purpose Driven Barren Life

pur-pose
noun
1. the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists

We are obsessed with purpose these days. We seek purpose in everything we do to give our very lives meaning. It comforts us, even puffs us up.

We even seek purpose in the things that happen to us. Take barrenness. If we can determine some reason as to why God is making us barren, then our suffering suddenly has a meaning, an objective, maybe even merit. If there is a purpose to our barrenness, then we are somehow elevated from miserable victim to blessed martyr. We suddenly have a life worthy of the interest of Oprah, Joel Osteen, and Rick Warren, and the prominence of this self-ascribed, higher purpose makes our wretched barrenness not sting so much.

But barrenness should sting. It is a result of Sin in the world, a devolution of the way God created things to be, and no amount of purpose changes that terrible truth.

The danger in trying to assign a particular purpose to our barrenness is that we are actually attempting to define the hidden will of God. We are trying to explain something that has not been explained to us in Holy Writ. We are trying to reveal that which has not been clearly revealed, and we should be wary of putting our hope, trust, and comfort in something that God has not made known to us in His Word. For, most likely, that self-assigned purpose will fail us in the face of the devil, Sin, and our flesh.

This is why it pains me so much when other people try assigning purpose to my own barren state:

“God made you barren so that you could write a book to help other people.”

“God made you barren so that you can be a better mother to all of the youth in your church.”

“God made you barren so that you will have more compassion for orphans and embryos.”

“God made you barren so that you will better appreciate having children when He gives them to you.”

Is any of this true? I certainly don’t know, because God has not revealed any of this to me in His Word, and, I suspect, neither has He revealed it to you.

Then, what true purpose is there in my barrenness? Outside of knowing that my womb is unfruitful because of Sin in the world and that God is allowing my womb to stay unfruitful, I don’t know from God’s Word why I am barren.

Here’s what I do know from God’s Word: Whatever purpose my barrenness serves, God is working it for the good of me and my neighbor; and, because God’s good grace is sufficient for me, I am free to serve the neighbors He has given me in abundance. Yes, that even includes the youth in my church, orphans, embryos, and you.

But, dear church, that is my vocation, not my purpose. Let’s not confuse the two.

Pastors Roundtable – Chicago

Calling all pastors in the Chicago area!

We could use your help formulating theological responses to ethical points of contention surrounding in vitro fertilization, embryonic adoption, and contraception. Would you please join us, Katie Schuermann and Rebecca Mayes, for a roundtable discussion of these issues and their effects on all of us in the church? Lunch will be provided by our generous hosts at Apostles Lutheran Church. Please RSVP by Wednesday, March 20th through the Submit a Question page on this website if you plan to attend.

When: Friday, March 22nd
Where: Apostles Lutheran Church, 10429 Fullerton Ave., Melrose Park, IL 60164

Roundtable Schedule:

10:00 AM – Arrive in the narthex (coffee available)
10:15 AM – Matins
10:45 AM – Roundtable discussion
12:00 PM – Lunch

Thank you for your help!

How Long Do I Wait?

Question Submitted: How long does one wait? Every month brings disappointment. Then the thought, maybe next month will be the one. How do you decide to take the plunge and go see your doctor? I have three children. I am ashamed to be asking. I feel like I shouldn’t be so disappointed, but yet, it is like someone is missing from our family. My youngest is over 3 and a half. I saw my doctor a year ago and she thought I was under a lot of stress from moving and hadn’t been consistently “trying” long enough. They did basic blood work and some ultrasounds. Nothing was wrong. She mentioned the word endometriosis, but said the only way to know would be invasive procedure. But, now, I’ve given it that year of documented trying and expensive ovulation and pregnancy tests. I know I ought to be content. But, who is there to share my sorrow with? It is indescribable and I feel selfish and ungrateful. I have not miscarried. I am not barren. I love my kids. I ought to be thankful, and I am…but not enough. I cringe when people now talk to me assuming that I am “done” with having children, as if it is a decision I made. To some in the world they think it is good. Others look at me with their 5 or 6 children and continuous talk about having a quiverfull, and think that I must be “worldly.” I am guilty of having said I “want as many as the Lord gives me,” and yet it is not true. Why is it so hard to accept if I have no more? And when is it not wrong to seek medical help? The doctor said to come back after 6 months, but I haven’t been able to do it yet. I keep hoping maybe next month. Trust the Lord.

My dear sister in Christ, it is so hard to accept the number of children you have now, because children are a blessing from God; and whenever we are not given that blessing, we see all too clearly the Sin which leaves the world and our wombs broken. We know that God created the one-flesh union in marriage to be fruitful, and it hurts and is terrifying whenever our marriage ceases to bear such blessed fruit.

As if our own pain and fear are not enough, Satan and his minions taunt and tease our consciences, trying to make us believe our childlessness is God’s punishment for that Sin. They want nothing more than for us to doubt God’s goodness and mercy toward sinners, toward us. They want us to believe that Christ’s sacrifice was not enough for us, that our childlessness is a needed penance for full atonement. They want us to believe in our own works for salvation, not in the all-saving work of Christ on the cross.

Lord, have mercy and deliver us from doubt and unbelief!

Here is the truth found in God’s Word: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” (Romans 8:1, 22-24 [ESV]) We know with assurance that the fruit of our womb is no reflection of our relationship with God in Christ Jesus. It is simply a manifestation of the world’s brokenness as it waits for the Resurrection Day.

You ask me how to decide to take the plunge and go see a doctor? Talk to your husband, your pastor, your trusted loved ones and ask yourself this question: Why do you want to see a doctor? Do you seek relief from an ailment which causes your health to suffer? Do you seek an answer to the puzzle that is your fertility? Do you desire closure after months, even years, of trying to get pregnant? I believe these are all healthy motivations for seeking medical attention, because they simply seek a conclusion and physical relief. These motivations do not require a certain outcome of God, confusing the line between Creator and creation. These motivations keep you in a position to receive gifts from God, whatever those gifts may be.

Remember that it is not wrong to seek medical help for infertility. Healing medicine is part of the daily bread God provides for us, and it is good and right to try to make the body whole. We are free in Christ to undergo diagnostic tests, receive treatments, have surgeries, take medications, and receive help from a doctor for the healing purposes of our flesh. We just need to remember that our freedom in Christ is intended by God to serve our neighbor, not ourselves, so be discerning. There are some forms of infertility medicine that cease to be healing medicine because they potentially hurt or harm our neighbor (our husband and the very children we want to conceive) and thereby break the Fifth Commandment of our Lord. Also, guard yourself against the temptation to serve your own desire for a child when it means trusting the words of your doctor over the Word of God. We break the First Commandment of our Lord when we dethrone Him, the True Creator, in our hearts and replace Him with a make-shift god constructed of our own wishes and desires.

My personal advice? You’ve been waiting a long time, and your heart is aching with the unknown. Go. See your doctor. Find out what you in good conscience can, and be at peace, trusting that God is working everything for your good. And know that you are not alone in the body of Christ, sister.

Now, a quick word to that body of Christ:

We are so cruel to each other in the church. The woman with too many children is judged by others to be an unconscionable rabbit, the woman with too few children gets labeled a personification of the Enlightenment, and the woman with no children is hailed as a contracepting Machiavel.

No doubt, there are women in all three of these categories whose number of children is self-determined by an obedience to some damning, worldly Law, but let’s be good Lutherans and put the best construction on everything. Let’s look at the number of children a woman has been given and rejoice at God’s goodness to her in both His blessing and His withholding. Let’s not judge each other behind hands in whispered gossip but, instead, encourage each other openly by proclaiming the truth in love: God in His wisdom and mercy both gives and doesn’t give the gift of children. Praise be to God!

Playing God?

Question Submitted: How do you respond to a woman who is nearing the age of 50 (and her husband is over 50) and hasn’t yet reached menopause and wants to be on the pill, because, although she can possibly still bear children, she feels like at her age she would have a hard time raising an infant (and the risk of Down’s Syndrom is big). She has a family and is perfectly content with the way God has blessed them. She doesn’t want to “play God,” but she also feels like God has given her the wisdom to make a decision to have her family remain as it is. How do you respond to this?

This is not the typical kind of question we usually address on this website, but it is great, nonetheless. The answer even applies to childless women like me, for “the righteous [whether barren or blessed] shall live by faith.” However, since I have no personal experience that can offer empathy to the mother of many children, I have invited a much wiser, more articulate friend to respond to this question, one who understands from personal experience both the blessing and the cross that come with this particular line of questioning. Take it away, Rebekah:

This sounds like a question from my future self. 🙂

I am 34. I have six children and am perfectly content with the way God has blessed me. At every age I have had a hard time raising an infant, just not the same hard time.

The conventional human wisdom of our time tells us that when a woman is older, if she’s happy with the family she has, she should quit. Significantly, contemporary human wisdom says out of the other side of its mouth that an older woman who wants more babies has every right to them (at which point all the arguments for having a child at an older age, such as greater maturity and financial stability, get trotted out without irony). But God in his eternal wisdom never saw fit to tell us how many is too many, how risky is too risky, or how old is too old (if the existence of natural menopause is considered an insufficient answer). All God tells us is that children are a blessing–no qualifications or asterisks. It’s not a trick question He gave us to sniff out unsophisticated spirituality.

The hardships that come with, as the medical profession calls it, “advanced maternal age,” are real. As my friends and I age, it has become clear that motherhood does not get easier, especially in terms of its physical demands. I’m not looking forward to it. My end game could mean a baby who needs a lot more help than my others at a time when I feel like I ought to be heading out to pasture rather than buckling down harder than ever. My final years of fertility could bring with them nothing more than anxious uncertainty and an anticlimactic, empty ending I can only recognize as such after the fact. They could bring miscarriages and heartbreaks I can’t really bring myself to think about. Pregnancies, deliveries, and recoveries are almost certainly not going to get easier for me.

Or the God of all mercy and Giver of all good things could give Old Me yet another son or daughter, made in His image, redeemed from sin by the blood of Christ. There’s a very good chance that baby would be perfectly healthy. It’s a risk only He could make me willing to take.

Rebekah Curtis

Unanswered Prayer

Have you yet to receive a “yes” to your prayer for a child? Does it feel like God leaves your prayer unanswered?

Our Sunday school class has been studying prayer. This past Sunday, Pastor Schuermann drew our attention to this quote from Dr. Martin Luther on the problem of unanswered prayer:

It is not a bad sign, but a very good one, if things seem to turn out contrary to our requests. Just as it is not a good sign if everything turns out favorably for our requests.

The reason is that the excellence of God’s counsel and will are far above our counsel and will, as Isaiah 55:8-9 says:”For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” And Psalm 94:11: “The Lord knows the thoughts of men, that they are vain.” And Psalm 33:10: “The Lord brings the counsels of the nations to nought; He frustrates the plans of the peoples and casts away the counsels of princes.” Hence it results that when we pray to God for something, whatever these things may be, and He hears our prayers and begins to give us what we wish, He gives in such a way that He contravenes all of our conceptions, that is, our ideas, so that He may seem to us to be more offended after our prayers and to do less after we have asked than He did before. And He does all this because it is the nature of God first to destroy and tear down whatever is in us before He gives us His good things, as the Scripture says: “The Lord makes poor and makes rich, He brings down to hell and raises up” (1 Samuel 2:7).

By this His most blessed counsel He renders us capable of receiving His gifts and His works. And we are capable of receiving His works and His counsels only when our own counsels have ceased and our works have stopped and we are made purely passive before God, both with regard to our inner as well as our outward activities. This is what He means when He says: “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways” (Isaiah 55:8). Therefore, when everything is hopeless for us and all things begin to go against our prayers and desires, then those unutterable groans begin. And then “the Spirit helps us in our weakness” (Romans 8:26). For unless the Spirit were helping, it would be impossible for us to bear this action of God by which He hears us and accomplishes what we pray for. Then the soul is told: “Be strong, wait for the Lord, and let your heart take courage and bear up under God” (Psalm 27:14). And again: “Be subject to the Lord and pray to Him” “and He will act” (Psalm 37:7, 5). (Luther on Romans 8:26, AE 25:364-5)

Hagar

Yesterday, many of you sent me a link to a CNN story by Elizabeth Cohen:

“Surrogate Offered $10,000 to Abort Baby”

Here we see The Sarah Syndrome gone wild.

1 genetic father + 1 wife + 1 anonymous egg donor + 2 IVF embryos + 1 surrogate birthmother + 2 adoptive parents = 1 child alive, 1 child dead, and 1 social and legal mess

I am afraid of the fact that cases such as these are getting court time. The more court rulings that are made on sperm donor, IVF, and surrogacy cases, the more…I don’t know, I guess the more we formally and publicly despise, defile, and – God help us! – abandon the one-flesh union and adoption as the means of parentage in our country. And so may times the children involved in these cases are treated as property with no individual rights of their own.

We are different from the world, Baptized Christians. Always have been, always will be. Remember that.

The Answer Is Always “Repent”

“God doesn’t promise to make sense of things but to make good.”

Barren woman, today’s sermon at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church was for you:

Text: Luke 13:1-9

The Lord your God loves you. Have no doubt about this. Did you notice that the sermon hymn began with a quote from Ezekiel, attributed to God Himself? “‘As surely as I live,’ God said, / ‘I would not see the sinner dead.’” Singing those words to one another, we’re telling each other in so many words this simple truth: God loves you. “I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked…” Believe it. This is the will of your Father for you.

That word from the Lord is the foundational truth of your story. In fact, it’s the chief plot point of the story of the whole world throughout time. If you were to sit down and tell your biography that sentence would underlay every moment recounted.

But our life-stories aren’t all ups, are they? There are many downs, for we indeed bear many crosses. How do we account for them? When faced with suffering, disaster, tragedy, how do we as Children of God respond? When a friend or family member takes his own life, or the doctor comes in with the terminal diagnosis, or a sinkhole swallows someone up, or when tsunamis, earthquakes, gunmen, or terrorists seem to rule the day, how do you, Jesus’ disciple, respond?

The answer is always “Repent.” Always. It never changes. Do you say, “But I don’t deserve this!”? “But there are worse sinners than me. Why must I suffer?” Repent. Can you honestly call yourself anything less than the chief of sinners, deserving the wrath of God? And if you say, “Just look at their sin. This is just God’s punishment,” then repent. Take the log out of your own eye that condemns you.

“Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered in this way?.. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem?” Do you think that the 27 killed in Newtown were greater transgressors? The 3000+ on September 11th? The 3000+ aborted every day?

What is our answer to these questions? The world asks for an answer, doesn’t it? It wants to know, expects to know, in fact demands to know: why does God let these things happen? Why?

We’re tempted to leap in, defend God, justify God to the world. It seems easy to do this, but then we say the wrong thing or make something up about God that sounds nice and fits our own notion of Him but perhaps isn’t really true. This is our temptation. Yet look how God Himself answers: “Unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.” Not just perish as in a physical death. Perish as in spiritual, eternal, forever death. Unless you repent.

What about this question: Do you think that you are a worse sinner than all the others because you now have terminal cancer, or you miscarried, or you’re barren, or your spouse left you, or your kids have fallen away, or your job is lost? Do you think this?

The beauty of God’s answer is that it’s exactly the same. The answer is always “Repent.”

One simple word: “Repent.” What does it mean? It’s easy to think it means to “change your ways”; to “want to do better”. But God has no intent to cast His Law upon you in your moment of suffering. Repent simply means to “change your mind”; to have a different outlook, a different perspective, to “re-think”. This is what God tells us to do in light of suffering and death: recognize that death isn’t the worst that can happen to you. Jesus died and now lives. The same is true for you, trusting in your child-of-God status. Suffering isn’t your punishment, at least not spiritually from On-High. That was laid upon the suffering servant Jesus Himself, for you.

So repent, that is, “re-think”; cease the questioning of God. Why suffering? Why evil? Why did God let this happen to me? “Repent.” That’s what Jesus answers, always. The questions themselves reveal our lack of trust in God. Let us not call out “The way of the Lord is not just.” God’s response to our judgement of Him is rooted in complete fairness: “I will judge each of you according to his ways.” The worst thing is to die unbelieving, suffer unbelieving, fall asleep staring at ourselves instead of fixing our eyes on Jesus. To be fairly judged by God is the worst thing for us.

Repent. Re-think. The temptation we all face is to think of God as vengeful, of “making a list and checking it twice,” of always being ready to pay you back for your wrongdoing. Put aside the temptation to explain away God in your suffering, and know that “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” He does indeed provide the way out. It is to hear His words and believe them.

Repent. Re-think. God does not have your end in mind. “I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked…” God doesn’t promise to make sense of things, but to make good. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Repent. Re-think. God doesn’t promise to handle the details of each and every disaster that comes along. He is able and willing – He doesn’t leave us in doubt about that. Throughout the Scriptures God is involved in the details. But He rather prefers to make good by sending His Son to become man and handle sin to the point of death, even death on a cross. There on the cross death’s stinger is cut away. There on the cross the grave’s seeming victory is divinely mocked for all eternity.

God’s preference is not to put you in a bubble as you walk through this valley of the shadow of death. Instead he challenges the demonic principalities and powers of this sinful world by adding His word to some water and washing clean your soul and your conscience. God confronts the ongoing accusations that the world, the devil, and even our old sinful flesh lob at Him, each other, and ourselves by speaking the Body and Blood of Jesus in, with, and under the bread and wine in the Lord’s Supper.

Your Baptism tells you that all the suffering in the world cannot touch you. The Holy Communion fed to you reminds you that Christ’s suffering and death are the victor over anything that will assault you, both in body and soul. In the Word and these Sacraments God provides the way of escape – namely, faith.

God works for good in everything. Faith comes in and believes this. Faith doesn’t say that cancer or a car wreck or your sin is good. Instead, it says “God will work good and has already worked good in the death of Jesus. Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

This is how God bids us to think. We are all sinners. And the answer to our sin is always the same. “Repent.” Think differently, beloved. Think on Christ, who has sealed you in His promise of forgiveness for all eternity.

Amen.

Rev. Michael P. Schuermann

The Best Weapon against Temptation

There are reasons for seeking medical attention for infertility that can lead to sin. Answer these questions:

Do you wish to “make a baby” at the risk of hurting, even killing, your neighbor?
Do you think that having a baby is the only thing in life that can make you happy?
Do you put your identity in motherhood rather than in your Baptism?
Will your faith in God’s goodness to you in Christ Jesus be upset if you do not conceive?

These reasons for seeking medical intervention for infertility are temptations from the devil. These reasons entice us to serve our own desires and wishes, even when it means trusting the words of our doctors over the words of our Creator. We should be wary of these emotional snares that would bind our faith to things temporal rather than to things eternal.

What is our best weapon against such temptations and snares?

Rev. David H. Petersen gives us the answer in his sermon for the First Sunday in Lent – Invocabit (Genesis 3:1-21; 2 Corinthians 6:1-10; St. Matthew 4:1-11) as it appears in Thy Kingdom Come from Emmanuel Press:

All the temptations [of Jesus in the wilderness] show us something of the character of sin and the character of the God who overcomes sin. But the Lord’s response also shows us the best weapon we have against temptation and the only weapon we need. He says, again and again, “It is written.”

The strategy of the devil against our first parents, and then against our Savior, was to plant doubt. He wants us to place ourselves into the role of judge. We will decide what is good for food, pleasing to the eye, and capable of making us wise. We will decide if He is worthy of being our God. This is what we do when we declare, “My God would’t do this or say that.” But, in fact, we don’t get to decide who God is or what He should do. He tells us who He is and what He does in His Word. Faith built on emotions and feelings or our own reason and goodness is like seed sown on rocky ground. It has no root. In time of temptation, it withers and dies.

The answer to doubt is God’s Word. It is written. It is not fleeting, corruptible, or changing. It is solid, lasting, eternal. All things pass away, but the Word of God does not pass away. It is written, in the first place, on the page, not in our hearts. Even the Lord Himself, in the desert, submits to the written Word. It is the written, objective, unchanging Word. (Petersen, 29-30)