Parenting

Miss Lotta

Having done my share of hosting this summer, I’ve learned some things. A household runs smoothly when everybody does their part to keep things going. I enjoyed cooking for lots of people, but that’s harder than I thought. A large household is work. That mom has to be “on her game” all day long, with very few moments of rest.

Here is a sampling of things that the mom to multiple blessings encounters daily:

* a lotta cooking – You can’t have cereal for every meal.

* a lotta dishes

* a lotta trash

* a lotta toilet paper – Keep that door closed; there’s a toddler in the house.

* a lotta soap – hand soap, body wash, shampoo, dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent

* a lotta laundry – darks, whites, colors, delicates, sheets, towels

* a lotta talking

* a lotta tears

* a lotta laughter

* a lotta hugs and kisses

I admire and love the mom, who has been given a large family. She does so much to love and care for her family each and every day. My list didn’t include dusting, sweeping, going through the mail, diaper changes, grocery shopping, putting the groceries away, reading to the children, playing with the children, prayer time, and so many other things. It’s exhausting, just pondering it.

And yet she does it because children are God’s gifts to her.

I think I’ll name my next child Lotta.

Her Hands Are Full

Snake’s alive! This world sure is a Debbie Downer when it comes to kids.

I have a friend who is expecting Baby # __ (insert any numeric value over the culturally acceptable number of two), and almost anyone and everyone I tell about Baby’s pending birth says of my friend: “Wow. She has her hands full!”

Not, “Congratulations!” or “Wonderful!” or “How exciting!” or “Praise God for His good gift!” but a pair of raised eyebrows and strained words of judgment.

Is it really such a strange thing to us in the Church that a married couple should welcome more than two children into their family as gifts from God? For, you see, that is what children are to us. They are gifts. We know this to be true, because that is what God tells us in His Word. Children are a heritage from Him, and the couple who has them is blessed. (Psalm 127)

Sure, children may be work. They may require us to give up our annual trek to Sonoma or to forgo buying a new dress every Easter or to miss sleeping for an entire year, but that does not change the truth in God’s Word that children are a sign of His favor. And God’s Word doesn’t differentiate. Baby #8 is just as much of a blessing and a gift as Baby #1. We are so selfish when we think that it is our love and desire that make a child valuable, as if our own wanting or not wanting should determine the goodness of God’s gifts. It is God’s love that gives any of us value, including the children He wants to give to us.

So, whenever someone gives me a “Wow, she has her hands full!” in response to my friend’s blessed state, I usually have to manhandle my eyeballs to keep them from rolling and squeeze my lips shut to keep a sigh of exasperation from escaping. Once my body parts are properly submissive, I try to smile brightly and confess boldly, “Yes, her hands are full of blessings from God!”

Either children are a blessing, or they aren’t. Either God’s Word is true, or it isn’t. Which one is it?

If you don’t know, ask a barren woman.

The Art of Godparenting

Question Submitted: My sister and brother-in-law just welcomed their first child and our first niece into the world. They called us two days ago and asked if we would be her godparents. We welcome any and all godparent advice.

Oh, goodie! This is one of my all-time favorite topics. Please, forgive me if I go overboard in my response. While I have not been blessed with any children of my own, God has seen fit to fill my quiver full with precious godchildren – and I delight in this role! In fact, I probably fall more into the category of god”smother” than godmother.

Here are a few tricks of the trade I have picked up over the years:

1. I grew up with a baptismal banner hanging in my bedroom. Every morning, noon, and night, I could look on my wall and be reminded of the day I was baptized into Christ. Because of this, I think it is important to make a baptismal banner (or some kind of commemorative item) for each godchild. Sometimes, churches already have committees that make banners for their baptismal candidates. In these cases, you can make different things. I once made a candelabra to hold my godson’s baptismal candle, and on another occasion I made a mirror with a cross painted on it for my goddaughter to look in and see her cross-marked reflection.

2. Of course, if you can, it is important to be present to witness the baptism. This is not always possible, but it helps in the years ahead to be able to give first-hand memories from that day. We (my husband and I) hang a picture of our godchildren’s baptisms on our wall at home, so that we can remember them in prayer whenever we see their pictures.

3. We buy them each their own nativity and give a new figurine from the set as a gift every Christmas (starting with Joseph, Mary, and Jesus the first Christmas). A lovely lady I met at seminary taught me this one. (Thank you, Elizabeth!)

4. On their first baptismal birthday, we make them a homemade baptismal scrapbook that has pictures and anecdotes from their baptism. It tells the story of their baptismal day and instructs them on what exactly happened when they were baptized. We like the idea of them looking at it throughout the years and growing up with the proper language of God’s free gift of salvation in their head and in their heart. It is also a great way to teach them the meanings of their white clothing, the candle, the sign of the cross, etc.

5. We bribe them silly. We give them a quarter for every commandment they memorize. We take them out for ice cream when they memorize The Lord’s Prayer. We let them pick out three kinds of candy (one for each person in the Trinity) when they memorize The Apostles Creed. We also give them a quarter for every hymn stanza they learn, though we like to focus on The Ten Commandments, first. (Skype is a great tool for long distance catechismal questioning.)

6. We also talk with the parents and figure out what kinds of books/resources the church provides for our godchildren over the years. Then, we try to supplement whatever they don’t have. If the family doesn’t already have a catechism or Bible, then we like to get them CPH’s The Story Bible and My First Catechism. We plan on giving our godchildren their own Lutheran Study Bible upon confirmation.

7. We encourage the families of our godchildren to have daily family devotions, especially during Advent and Lent. Kids love Advent wreaths and calendars if you are looking for more baptismal birthday gift ideas down the road.

8. I try to teach each of our godchildren the words and actions to both LSB 594 “God’s Own Child, I Gladly Say It” and the following baptismal song:

I was baptized, happy day!

All my sins were washed away.

God looked down on me and smiled.

I became His own, dear child.

From one god”smother” to another, the most important thing is to faithfully pray for your godchildren and to play an active part in their Christian education. If you toss in a little ice cream, a few books, and some games of tag every now and then, it doesn’t hurt one bit.

Suffering

God Himself causes our suffering. He is not the cause of sin, mind you, but He is the cause of our suffering. [p.32] Those are the words of Dr. Gregory Schulz in his book The Problem of Suffering: A Father’s Hope.

As I read Dr. Schulz’s book, I began to think he had a window to my heart. As he shared the struggles of pain and suffering surrounding the death of two of his children, he asked why these things could happen. I asked that same question surrounding my barrenness. He wrote based on his experiences as a father and a husband. He asked why suffering happens. He questioned suffering in the world. I asked those very same things. Dr. Schulz pointed me to Jesus, the only relief from suffering.

We experience death, pain, sorrow, and grief. How can suffering come from God? Suffering is real. Suffering hurts. Suffering drives us to our knees. Suffering demonstrates to us that we are mortal. We cannot cure every disease. We cannot prevent death. We cannot administer the drug that takes away aches and pains.

No, our only relief lies in Jesus Christ. He took all of our sin sicknesses and sufferings and ingested them into Himself on the cross – for us. We are made holy in our baptisms. Once baptized, though, we are signed up for a lifetime of suffering.

There is great temptation to say that our suffering will come to a fairy-tale ending in this world. On the contrary, in this world we will have pain and sorrow. It would be foolish to insist that our suffering is going to have a glorious finish. This is a sinful world, and while we dwell in it, we will not be safe from sin. When the body and soul of the believer in Christ are united with Jesus, THEN all suffering will end. This is why we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “But deliver us from evil.” True relief is peace in Christ.

In this world, we will experience disappointment, heartache, death, miscarriage, and so much more. Take heart, dear sisters and brothers in Christ, you are not alone. Dr. Schulz writes: “…even the Gospel doesn’t give us absolute rest as long as we are away from home in this vale of tears. It can and does bring us the Good News of Jesus, the rest for our souls, but we still experience anger and anxiety.” [p.124] He continues: “My joy is not complete. It cannot be, until God grants us all a blessed reunion in heaven.” [p.125] God does not abandon you. He loves you, and He understands your suffering.

I commend this book to you. Grieve with Dr. Schulz. Live under the cross of Jesus until He takes you to Himself, where all suffering ends.

Incomplete Joy

On May 23 I sat in a rocking chair at a friend’s house and held a precious little girl in my arms and sang to her of Jesus’ love, Jesus’ lambs, the Lamb’s High Feast, and Simeon’s song, which boldly asks the Lord for a peaceful departure from this life. The very next day, on her first birthday, she died. It wasn’t a surprise–everyone knew that this was the likely outcome of her disease–yet it was tragic nonetheless. What once was here is no longer and there is heartache.

On May 28 I sat in a rocking chair in my own house and held a precious little boy in my arms and sang to him as well. In great irony and yet in God’s perfect timing, He chose to send our family new life in the midst of mourning another’s death. Although the wait seemed so long, when we received the phone call two weeks ago that there was finally a baby for us, we were in shock. What once was just a prayer had become a reality and is finally here and there is much joy.

You can imagine the rejoicing, no doubt. I won’t deny that we’ve had our blissful days. Yet behind it all is the knowledge, the grave reality, that it is not complete. I don’t mean that our family isn’t complete. Only God knows when that will be. I mean the joy is incomplete. Why? Doesn’t a baby make everything perfect? Isn’t it everything that I’ve always wanted? No, it isn’t.

I say it isn’t because I live in the Body of Christ, and when one suffers, all suffer. My friend just buried her daughter. I mourn with her and cry for her, even as I shed tears that come from watching my new son sleep. My arms, now sore from the new weight I’ve been carrying around, also ache for my family members and friends who continue to wait to hold their own gifts. As I pray prayers of thanksgiving for the blessed baptismal day that brought my son into God’s family, I simultaneously cry out for God’s mercy and intervention to stir the hearts of those I love who have rejected their own baptisms. Life and death, both physical and spiritual, continue to surround us all and permeate our daily experiences and relationships. The sun frequently peaks out from behind the clouds to give us a glimpe of the Light that will one day completely surround us, but the clouds never entirely float away.

Therefore, members of the Body of Christ do not move in and out of categories such as “the suffering,” “the blessed,” “the content,” “the afflicted.” We are one, and if we truly love one another we remain together, bearing one another’s burdens, joys, gifts and tragedies. The completeness comes at the end of the struggles, at the resurrection, and only then. This side of heaven there are times when we feel that our cup runneth over and there are times when our parched lips taste no relief. But the living waters flow freely between those mansions the Lord prepares for us, and I continue to long for the healing it will bring to the Body.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

I’ve been thinking of the hymn that starts, “Jesus has come and brings pleasure eternal, Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End,” (LSB 533). The wait for this family to be reunited with their child is just beginning. The wait for my family to be united with a second child has come to an end. I pray that the Alpha and Omega, our Lord Jesus, would grant our two families and all the Body of Christ the opportunity to walk this path of life together, focusing on His eternal pleasures, the full and complete joy that will most certainly be ours one day when the clouds all fade away and the Son shines in all His brilliance.

Admonition and Comfort for the Barren

Emmanuel Press has graciously allowed us to make available for you on this site, “Admonition and Comfort for the Barren,” an excerpt from Starck’s Motherhood Prayers for All Occasions. Thank you, Emmanuel Press!

“Admonition and Comfort for the Barren” is an excerpt from Starck’s Motherhood Prayers for All Occasions, which was originally published in the English edition of Starck’s Prayer Book in 1921. Johann Friedrich Starck was an 18^th century Lutheran pastor, devotional writer, and poet in Frankfurt, Germany. He and his wife, Katharina, gave birth to seven children, of whom two survived.

Admonition and Comfort for the Barren

When God withholds children from married people, so that they say with Abraham: “Lord God, what wilt Thou give me, seeing I go childless?” Gen. 15:2, they should:

1. Reflect that in either spouse there may be natural causes of barrenness; for God does not bestow on all men the same qualities nor the same fruitfulness. If God has not placed this gift in them, they should be content with their condition, and believe that He is nevertheless their gracious God who loves them and is well-disposed towards them. Though a tulip has not as many flowers as a rose bush, it is nevertheless a pleasant plant to the gardener and the proprietor of the garden. How many shrubs adorn a garden, without bearing fruit, and yet we are glad to have them in our gardens. Thus barren spouses are also dear children of God, though He has not made them equal to others as regards fruitfulness.

2. They should remember that children are a gift of the Lord. If He withholds this gift from anyone, that person should not on that account murmur against God, nor grow envious when he sees that God gives to some more than to others. God is the Lord in His house: He dispenses His gifts according to His good pleasure. God has reserved for Himself three keys: the key to the grave, for nobody except God can raise the dead; the key that unlocks the rain in the clouds, for no false god can give rain, and no human being can cause rain; and the key to the womb, which nobody can open when the Lord has locked it, nor lock when the Lord opens it. However, if it is God’s gracious will to withhold from married persons the blessing of children, such spouses must give proof of their patience, resignation, and hope in their childless state.

3. Barrenness is not a sign of God’s wrath; for that God is not angry with them the barren may gather from the fact that God does not suffer them to lack other blessings: He bestows on them temporal gifts, such as health, daily bread, prosperity, and other blessings, which He does not give so lavishly to others who have children and whom He frequently visits with much sickness, sorrow over their children, and other afflictions. Moreover, God gives to the childless heavenly blessings, such as joy in God, peace with God, the righteousness of Jesus Christ, comfort, and spiritual delights. By all of these blessings He proves to them again that He is not angry with them; for a person who is in a state of wrath and disfavor with God must certainly go without these heavenly blessings.

4. Barren spouses should also consider that God is showing them a special favor by their very barrenness, because He knows the condition of their body and mind better than they do themselves. For although many married wives love children, God may know that they would be too feeble to give birth to a child, or to raise children, or to endure the cross of seeing their children go astray. The child might cause to the husband and to the wife much vexation and worry that might hinder them in their private and public devotions; yea, if God in His counsel should let the child die, that might cause the parents much grief. Therefore, since God knows the strength and weakness of men better than they do themselves, He shows them a special favor by leaving them go childless, although in their ignorance they may not regard it as a favor.

5. In particular, married persons should beware of trying to force God to give them children by their murmuring, dissatisfaction, and their importunate prayers; for in that case God may give them children in His anger. Either the mother who had murmured will lose her life or health through giving birth to a child, or if this does not happen, the child given her may turn out so ill that it causes its parents innumerable alarms, sorrows, and griefs, and puts them for the rest of their lives in a state of perpetual fear, sadness, and melancholy, all of which would be the results of their unreasonable petitions. May a son who had been obtained thus from God by unreasonable prayer afterwards became the cause of the father’s death and a scourge to his mother.

6. Godly wives should not misapply the saying of Paul in 1 Tim. 2:15, where we read: “The woman shall be saved in childbearing, if she continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.” For in this passage Paul does not say that wives shall be saved on account of childbearing. For we are made righteous before God and saved by the merit of Jesus Christ and for the sake of the blood which He shed for us, Rom. 3:28 and 5:1, and not by childbearing. For, if the latter were true, no maiden could be saved, which is contrary to God and His holy Word. But Paul has made this statement to comfort married women, telling them, namely, that although God has laid on them great pains in childbearing, because the woman suffered herself to be led astray in Paradise, and thus brought into the world transgression and sin, nevertheless God will aid and help them in childbearing; they are to be saved despite the fact that in the pangs of labor they feel God’s anger, provided in their condition they continue in faith in the Lord Jesus, in love towards God and men, in sanctification of life, self-discipline, and a Christian conversation. Accordingly, this passage speaks comfort to women in labor, and conveys to those who die during childbearing the assurance that notwithstanding the pains which have been laid upon them on account of sin they shall be saved. But this passage does not declare any cause for the salvation of women.

7. Married persons, moreover, should abide God’s time and persevere in prayer. Some trees bear fruit for the first year, others after several years. Accordingly, godly spouses should not abandon all hope. “Cast not away your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward” Heb. 10:35. Now, as God does not bestow temporal blessings on all men at the same time, so also with regard to this blessing.

8. In the connection married people should diligently beware of conceiving a dislike of their spouses, the wife blaming the husband, or the husband the wife; but they should reflect that it is God who withholds from them the fruit of the womb. Gen. 30:1. Accordingly, they should nevertheless love each other cordially and be content in God, because neither of them can alter matters without the favor, blessing, and will of God. Particularly they should beware of suspicion, jealousy, and disfavor, for instance, when friends, brothers, and sisters are beginning to make inquiries concerning the disposition of the property of childless spouses. But they should continue sincerely loving each other, and whenever this has to be done, dispose of their earthly possessions according to equity and charity.

9. If God withholds children from godly spouses, they should increase the more in the love of Jesus. While those who have children are often hindered by their children in their devotions, church attendance, and their spiritual edification, the childless can attend to the service of God unhindered and undisturbed.

10. Christians whose marriage God does not bless with children should regard the poor as committed to their special care: they should do good to godly children, clothe them, send them to school, and aid in their education. Such children will on the last day bless them as their fathers and mothers, and praise them before God, saying: These have clothed us, and given us food and drink. Matt. 25.

11. Sometimes God, out of love and mercy, does not bless the marriage of Christians with children because he foreknows terrible national calamities and visitations which are to overwhelm a city or country. He removes the godly before such calamities come, and puts His dear children to rest before the storms of affliction begin to blow, as He promised to do for Hezekiah, and as He did for St. Augustine. Now, if this is indeed a great mercy of God, it is also a merciful providence, if God does not give married people any children, in order that they may not behold the misery that is to come upon the world, as happened in the Flood.

12. Finally, married people may reflect whether they regard children as a natural gift or as a gift of God, which children, in fact, are. If they think that children are a natural gift which they can produce themselves, they are very much mistaken; and by withholding the blessing of wedlock from them, God wants to show to such married persons that it is not left to their choice whether they will have children, but that children are a gift of God, for which He wants us to pray. If Christian husbands and wives should here raise the objection that whoremongers and whores do not ask for children, and yet beget them, I answer: In that case God lets nature take its course to reveal the depravity of men, because such people do not unite for the purpose of begetting children for the glory of God, but to gratify their evil lust. Accordingly, godly wives should follow the example of Isaac, of whom it is written: “And Isaac entreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren.” Hence Isaac understood quite well that children are not in every case a product of nature, but a gracious gift of God. Accordingly, the text continues: “And the Lord was entreated of him, and Rebekah, his wife, conceived.” Gen. 25:21.

On all these facts Christian spouses should diligently reflect, and thus guard against impatience and disquietude of mind. They should consider that, though their home is lonely and childless, they will, after their happy departure from this life, be received into the company of many thousands of holy angels, with whom they will rejoice forever at the throne of the Triune God.

Prayer

Lord God, what wilt Thou give me, seeing I go childless? O my God, I see that Thou bestowest on others the blessing of wedlock in abundant measure, but from me Thou hast hitherto withheld it. Lord, Lord, let me bear this with Christian resignation; let me accept it in patience as Thy gracious will. I know that Thou art an almighty God; Thou canst, if Thou wilt, easily give me children, and make me fruitful. I also know that Thou art gracious to me, that Thou lovest me, and hast never yet denied me Thy grace. Therefore I shall patiently submit to Thy will in this matter: Thou knowest best why Thou hast not yet bestowed this blessing on me. If I am too feeble for child-bearing, too negligent in the training of children, or too readily cast down by afflictions caused by children, I acknowledge Thy goodness, which wishes to spare me and not suffer me to be tempted above that I am able.

But if Thou dost not give me the joy which children bring, let me rejoice the more in Thee, loving Thee from the heart, and finding my pleasure and delight in Thee. Meanwhile, O Triune God, let me continue in faith toward Thee, in love toward my neighbor, and in the sanctification of life; yea, let me walk before all men in decency and uprightness. Let Thy Holy Spirit convince my heart more and more that this is Thy gracious will concerning me, and I shall submit to it with all my heart.

Meanwhile guard my heart against envy, suspicion, impatience, and dislike of my spouse. Let me love him nevertheless, cherish him as I would my child, and love him more than I would ten sons and daughters. If it be Thy will that I should wait a while, and that Thou wilt yet make me a fruitful mother, and remember me as Thou didst Hannah, convince my heart of this Thy gracious good pleasure concerning me. If Thou wilt not give me an heir, Lord, this shall be my heritage, that I observe Thy ways. Jesus shall be the Strength of my heart and my Portion forever. Lord, Lord, Thou canst do all things: Thou didst make Sarah and Elizabeth to conceive beyond their natural time, and it is a little thing for Thee to bless my wedded estate that has hitherto been barren. Lord, let Thyself be entreated by me, and I shall thank Thee for Thy gift to the end of my life, and will raise my child for Thy honor and glory; by Holy Baptism I will give it back to Thee. Let me not grow envious when I see that Thou fillest other homes with children, but let me show the more love, grace, and mercy to poor and abandoned children, clothe them, provide for them, and take care of the

O Lord, let Thy mercy be upon us, according as we hope in Thee. Cause us to rejoice; comfort us, help us, and, if it please Thee, give us children; however, not in Thine anger, not for our punishment, not for our humiliation. If it is for my benefit, grant me my prayer according to Thy mercy. But if such is not Thy good pleasure, I shall not wrest the gift of a child from Thee; yea, I will do nothing contrary to Thy holy will; I will not have any children either. Lord, I have poured out my heart before Thee; oh, choose for me what is salutary for me and pleasing to Thee. Grant that I may possess my soul in patience until Thou wilt reveal Thy help to me.

The will of God shall be my pleasure
While here on earth is mine abode;
My will is wrong beyond all measure,
It doth not will what pleaseth God.
The Christian’s maxim e’er must be:
What pleaseth God, that pleaseth me. Amen.

Hymn

Come, ye disconsolate, where’er ye languish,
Come to the mercy-seat, fervently kneel;
Here bring your wounded hearts, here tell your anguish;
Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.

Joy of the desolate, light of the straying,
Hope of the penitent, fadeless and pure,
Here speaks the Comforter, tenderly saying,
Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot cure.

Here see the Bread of Life, see water flowing
Forth from the throne of God, pure from above;
Come to the feast of love, come, ever knowing
Earth has no sorrow but Heaven can remove.

A Quiver of One

Psalm 127

1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.

2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

for he gives to his beloved sleep.

3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.

5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

[The Holy Bible: English Stand Version]

+ + + + + + +

On our wedding day, my husband and I read this psalm with the congregation. It was our fervent prayer that the Lord would grant to us a quiver full of children. We knew that children were a heritage from the Lord, and we hoped to inherit abundantly.

The Lord has been gracious to us, and we have one daughter. She brings us much joy, and we know she is a gift to be treasured. As the years have passed, however, we have not received any more daughters or even a son. How can this be? The psalm-writer pens words about a quiver filled with arrows. Why shouldn’t my home be filled with children?

It is then that I mourn for my daughter. I’m sad that she doesn’t get to play dress-up with a sibling. I wonder how she feels about playing alone in her fort. Is she tired of playing Dog-opoly with her mom and dad? Does that bother her? I feel like she must be missing out on sibling experiences – yes, even on sibling squabbles.

However, these worries are ill-founded. My daughter doesn’t know any differently. In fact, she has come to embrace her experiences. She has made all sorts of crafts and read lots of adventure books. She has learned to sew and cook and help in the garage. Her activities are numerous and enjoyable to her.

Recently, a friend of hers lamented not having anybody to play with him at the moment. My daughter replied, “That happens to me sometimes. There are LOTS of things you can do by yourself.” She didn’t say that it really stinks to be an only child. She didn’t bemoan the fact that she doesn’t have a sibling for a constant playmate. She didn’t mourn over the fact that she has to be creative in her play sometimes. No, she simply stated how comfortable she is in her own skin.

And so I worry less for my only child. In her I have a beautiful treasure. She is a baptized member of the body of Christ. She has a family full of sisters and brothers, who share the same faith in the Triune God. The Lord has made her my daughter, and she is a blessing. If I never receive another child, my quiver of one is still full.

Roll the Credits

As our adoption draws closer to fruition, we are becoming more serious about the need to choose a name for our little girl. After six years of waiting, it’s hard to find a name upon which we can all agree. Also, my husband and I were teachers. There are some specific children associated with certain names, and we could never give that name to our baby.

We’ve been online and looked at the list of 1000 top girl names. We’ve scanned baby name books. We’ve had some fun dinner conversations, calling out names and vetoing others. So what to do?

Watch a movie. That’s right; we’ve resorted to watching the end credits. There are lots of names listed there.

Please don’t text-bomb me with name suggestions.

Who Are You?

Who do I see when I look in the mirror? I know the person that I WANT to see. I want to see a mom to multiple children. I want to be part of the “moms group” that talks about their children together. I can sit and think about all the things that I want to be, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am somebody right now. True, I want to be a mom in a house filled with children. That hasn’t happened, and moping about it won’t help. Rather than dwell on who I am not, perhaps it’s time to ponder who I am now… already.

I am a baptized child of God.
I am a forgiven member of the family of Christ.
I am the daughter of Roger and Laurie.
I am a sister to Troy and Kirk.
I am the wife of Jerome.
I am the mother of Joanna.
I am an auntie.
I am a godmother.
I am a neighbor.
I am a piano teacher.
I am a choir director.
I am a friend.

Dear sisters, we are already precious in the eyes of God. When He looks at us, He sees a dearly loved child. We rejoice in the privilege and honor of sharing that love with those God has given to us. Now it’s your turn – “Who are you?”

Getting Outside of Ourselves

We all know the danger of dwelling on our own suffering. All any of us needs to do is take a short jaunt down “Me Lane” to find ourselves right in the middle of dreaded Despairville.

What if we avoided “Me Lane” altogether? What if, instead, we made a hard right turn onto “Neighbor Avenue” and took a trip to Mercyburg to visit our sisters in Christ? Think of what we would find there.

No doubt, we would run into other barren women in need of a comforting shoulder, but I think we would also discover women who suffer in the vocation of motherhood; women who pine for the independence and quietude of our own childless lives; women who suffer physical pain from birthing and caring for their precious gifts; women who fear the very gifting from God which we so desperately crave.

What if we set aside our own suffering for today and spent some time listening to those mothers, shouldering their grief and pain, praying for their strength, and tending to their physical needs? I think we would find great joy in the act of caring for our neighbor. Maybe we would even gain some insight into God’s wisdom of giving and withholding certain gifts from our own lives. At the very least, I think we would find comfort in knowing that we do not suffer alone in the body of Christ.

So, will you take a walk down “Neighbor Avenue” with me and meet my friend Rebekah? She wrote a book on the struggles of breastfeeding, and I cannot recommend it enough. I have never given birth to a child, never breastfed a baby, yet I resonated with the language of suffering in this real-life saga. I think you will, too.

And, c’mon. Just look at that title. You know there will be laughs on this trip.