First Mother’s Day

Mother Watching BabyA Mother’s Day reflection from a sister in Christ:

“How exciting, your first Mother’s Day,” they say.  After many years of hoping for children, we welcomed our daughter last summer.  We are grateful for this new life given to us.  So why do I have a similar anxiety about this upcoming holiday that I had during all those years we struggled to conceive?  Afterall, our baby girl is now here.  It’s now my turn to celebrate, right?

I started to look at the print, television, and radio advertisements for Mother’s Day, and it doesn’t take long to add it all up. Take a look…

“Save on what Mom really needs.”

“Make it about Mom.”

“Give her what she deserves.”

“How to love yourself on Mother’s Day.”

“Say ‘I love mom’ with these items.”

“It’s all about Mom.”

Aha, the wordly trinity of me, Me, and ME!  A celebration without Christ is a celebration that fades with all things of this world.  The devil would prefer that I personally take credit for all of the good gifts God has given me.  This includes a child and the abilities God has given me to care for her.  It is not on account of my ability that I have these gifts, but God’s grace.  He works all things for the good of His kingdom, and we thank You, Lord, for this vocation of motherhood.

Thank you, Lord, for the sacrifice of your son Jesus Christ that we may not boast in our abilities, but in all things recognize You are the great provider humbly working in and through us.

Adrienne Rasmussen
Wife, mother, daughter, and your sister in Christ

Mother’s Day: A Pastoral Plea

MP900341759Thank you, Pastor Schuermann.

This Sunday is Mother’s Day. For the barren woman, attending church on this particular Sunday is often an exercise in frustration, woe, even great shame brought on by the absence of longed-for children. Far too often, we pastors help amplify these feelings in her.

This is a pastoral plea. Brothers, I beg you, remember every Sunday your entire flock. But especially this Sunday, remember all the faithful women who Christ has entrusted to your care.

Remember that a part of your flock have received from the Lord the blessed vocation of motherhood, whether their children are biological or adopted. In the prayers of the church rejoice with them, give thanks to God for them, and ask God to help them faithfully raise up these gifts from Him.

But remember, too, that many in your flock – whom you may or may not be aware of – have not received the gift of children from God. And they may be longing for that gift. Please be sensitive to them. Recall that the natural inclination of sinful man towards a theology of glory has resulted in them receiving countless, “helpful” comments and encouragements that are nothing but empty promises and legalistic claptrap. Pray for these women, too, that they would receive what they long for: the gift of a child, biological or adopted. But also do not fail to pray on their behalf that God would give them the faith and trust to contentedly rejoice in what He ultimately does give to them. It may not be a child. In other words, help them to pray, “Nevertheless, Lord, Thy will be done.”

And also remember the sheep of Christ’s flock who are past the time of having any expectation of receiving the gift of a child. Please don’t leave them out. Pray for them, too, that they would recognize in their lives all the good gifts the Lord has given to them. 

Please don’t parade them in front of the congregation in order to offer up prayers on their behalf. Please don’t draw unneeded attention to them by giving flowers or some other admittedly well-intentioned gift only to those in the congregation who have children. Allow the barren to sit and grieve, to receive from their Lord, and to pray along with you. That’s your God-given task in the Divine Service, anyway: to lead them in prayer and to care for them with Christ’s true, comforting Word and Sacrament.

In fact, my encouragement would be, if at all possible, to limit your Mother’s Day references in the service to the prayers. Keep your whole flock focused on Jesus and His forgiveness present there for them today. But in the prayers do indeed pray, praise, and give thanks for the mothers, mothers-to-be, and all those who desire motherhood but have not or will not receive that gift from God.

I think these words, included in this year’s “Let Us Pray” for Easter 7 from the LC-MS, fit the bill nicely:

“Father of glory, Your Son, our Lord Jesus, in His incarnation, took on our created human flesh and was born of the Virgin Mary. He submitted to His mother, honoring and obeying her, so fulfilling the commandment where we have not. On this Mothers’ Day, graciously accept our thanksgiving for our mothers, whom you have given to us. Teach us to honor them aright — loving, obeying and giving thanks for them, as is fitting in Your sight. Strengthen all women with child and protect them in their deliverance. Comfort all women who long to have children, but cannot, that they may find their consolation in You and Your unfailing love. Lord, in Your mercy, hear our prayer.”

Rev. Michael P. Schuermann

True Help

MP900446584

I know there is a woman in your church who watches you like a mother hen. I know she gets her feathers ruffled every time she sees you talk to a child or openly admire someone’s baby or quietly tear up at a baptism. I know she corners you in the narthex before the service and coos and clucks about this chick-producing fertility treatment and that miracle doctor. I know she pecks at your nerves with stories of distant cousins who get pregnant at 43 and petty assurances that you will, too.

I also know she cares for you.

So, don’t be a chicken. Take a risk and be vulnerable. Say the hard words.

“I can tell that you care for me and that you want to help me. Do you know what would really help? Pray for me and help me be content with the person God has made me today. Even if that means I am barren.”

You never know. With a little, loving guidance, this mother hen might end up becoming your fiercest ally in the coop.

Upcoming Pastors’ Roundtables

Dear Pastors,

We could use your help formulating theological responses to ethical points of contention surrounding IVF and embryonic adoption. Would you please join us for a roundtable discussion of these issues and their effects on all of us in the church?

When: Saturday, May 18th, 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m.
Where: Holy Cross Lutheran Church, Davenport, IA

When: Thursday, May 23rd, 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m.
Where: Good Shepherd Lutheran Church, Sherman, IL

When: Thursday, June 6th, 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m.
Where: Village Lutheran Church, St. Louis (Ladue), MO

Please RSVP through the Submit a Question page on this website if you plan to attend, or, if you would like to host a pastors’ roundtable discussion of these issues at your own church, please contact us. 

Thank you for your help!

The HRTB Ladies

Fake Laws

Orate Mirror in the Corner of a Room“The devil is a Pharisee,” my husband said to me the other night. “He makes up fake laws for us to keep.”

The devil tries to make us feel guilty. He waves our sins in front of our faces in an attempt to make us despair, and, when that doesn’t work, he makes up fake laws to confuse and damn us.

You need to have a child, or your life isn’t blessed by God.

You need to foster and adopt a child, or you are not a Christian. 

You need to adopt an embryo, or you are not showing the fruits of the Holy Spirit.

You, you, you, you…

That’s what the devil does. He tries to get you to look in the mirror, not at Christ on the cross. He tries to get you to see a lost and condemned creature, not the righteous Christ Who was put upon you in your Baptism.

For, if he can get you to trust in the keeping of Pharisaical laws over Christ’s forgiveness of sinners, then you are damned and he has won.

Identity

Who? Are? You?“Identify who you are and what you can do.”

The Rev. Dr. Arthur A. Just shared those words with a group of pastors’ wives this past week. That sentence struck me on a variety of levels. It especially rang true for me regarding my barrenness. Our culture tends to identify people in regards to who they are. Are you married? Do you have children? Who are your parents? This same culture wants to know what people can do. Can you bear children? Can you prevent the birth of children? Can you control the number of children you’re having?

For so many years, I have identified myself by what I CANNOT do. I cannot produce children upon demand. I cannot choose when to have a child. I shamefully acknowledge that I am a product of a sinful world. Any children that come to me are purely received as gifts from our Heavenly Father.

So – Who am I? I am God’s child. My true identity is found in Jesus Christ. He is my Lord and Savior, and He died to make me whole. If I am barren, what can I do? I can receive God’s good gifts when they are given to me. Those gifts are found in His Word and Holy Sacraments. To receive is exactly what I can do. I can serve my neighbor in love.

In Christ, I know who I am and what I can do. I can love my neighbor, even if that neighbor is not born of my own flesh.

Embryo Adoption: The Issue of Neglect

Technician Dropping Specimen in DishQuestion Submitted: Could we please consider that perhaps our church should take action by promoting embryo adoption as a viable alternative to “regular” adoption?  Yes, we agree that those frozen embryos are children of God that need a home, so let’s not wait to bicker over how to stop IVF from producing those little lives (which I don’t see as a realistic goal) but let’s turn instead to giving the people responsible for those lives another option besides putting them in the trash…or donating them for research.  But the word is not sufficiently out there in the Christian community because we hold back, worried about ______ (fill in the blank).

I, personally, am worried about the issue of neglect.

A good friend once told me that she could be arrested for neglect if she failed in sheltering, protecting, feeding, or taking care of her children. We have laws in place in this country which protect children who are born into this world, but we do not have laws which protect the unborn (those created in a petri dish or growing in a womb).

Another discriminatory fact is that our government enforces a regulatory system, a filter of sorts, which attempts to make sure children up for adoption are placed in safe, thriving, legally-approved homes under the care of experienced, trained, sanctioned parental figures. Our government does not regulate the wombs which wish to adopt an embryo. Private embryo adoptions and those facilitated through fertility clinics have no legal safeguards in place to make sure the womb into which implantation will be attempted is healthy, safe, and thriving. Some embryo adoption agencies require written notice from a physician that no known contraindications to pregnancy exist in an adoptive womb, but, otherwise, there seems to be no concern about the crime of neglect when it comes to these most vulnerable of children.

And these children, at this point in time, have only a 35% chance of implanting after the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) through embryo adoption. Remember, a 35% success rate of implantation means 65% of them die in the process.

If we do indeed want to rescue these frozen children, I do not think the best womb for attempting implantation is the one which has yet to bring a child to full health and vitality outside of the womb. I personally think attempting implantation in such a case can be a form of neglect, and that is one reason I have never endorsed embryonic adoption on this site, a site intended for barren women. God in His wisdom has not given some couples the gift of children through their own wombs, and I am fearful of encouraging these couples to adopt embryos. Statistically, at least 65% of them will see the action of their adopting lead to the death of their adopted child. My conscience is burdened by this, and I do not know how to reconcile it.

I know you write to us because you have compassion for the estimated 612,000 embryos currently frozen in our country, and I believe your call to action is a fruit of your wishing for these precious, loved-by-God children to be rescued. Sadly, the embryo adoption industry has chosen to forgo your noble theme of rescue in their marketing and has, instead, turned their advertising campaign towards the unfruitful womb, toward the barren. See for yourself below:

http://www.embryoadoption.org/videos/process-of-embryo-donation-adoption.cfm

This might be part of the reason why the Christian community holds back. How do we promote rescue without simultaneously promoting the growth of an unregulated industry? How do we protect these children without also putting them at risk? How do we save them without killing them? How do we determine who should live and who should die? Who are we to do such things?

Lord, help us!

In the meantime, all I know in good conscience to do is to pray for these children, encourage couples considering embryo adoption to turn to their pastors for counsel and guidance, urge my church and government to keep these children from being made and abused in the first place, and trust in Christ’s mercy.

(There are other reasons which can be applied to your “fill in the blank” – i.e. Biblical support of adoption but not of surrogacy, the potential breaking of the one-flesh union, promoting an action which we know kills some of these children, etc.  – and I hope to address some of these reasons in future posts. Thank you for your patience.)

A Bunch of Garbage

MP900405360“How old are you?” the woman with the hot pink lipstick asks.

I don’t like that question. No matter what number I give, I am either too young or too old in the eyes of the interrogator. I’m never just the age I should be.

“I’m old enough,” I answer.

“Well,” she says, simultaneously rubbing her hands up and down my arms as if she can polish my barrenness right off my skin, “you can still have a child. My son is forty-one, and he and his wife just had their first child. They used IVF. It went so well, they probably even have some children in the trash.”

I’m speechless. I don’t know what to say.

“There are some frozen embryos, too, or something like that,” she keeps rubbing, “but at least they have one that’s alive, now.”

I know what to say to this. “Those embryos are alive, too.”

She stops rubbing. Her eyes flicker. There is knowledge in her eyes. Conviction. She knows, and I can tell she is bothered. “I know. I don’t know what to think about all of that.”

And I am sad for her. She is a grandma many times over through IVF, and she is confused. I realize I misjudged her. She wasn’t being flippant about the children in the trash. She was confessing. She couldn’t stop herself from telling me. She just needed someone to know.

Please help, dear Church. Tell the truth about IVF before more children are created in glass to be tossed out with the trash.

Babies are not garbage.