The Great Getaway

Okay.

I know that many of you won’t come out for presentations on barrenness that are open to the public, because you don’t want other people to see you cry.

But what if those other people were just like you? What if you could get away for a few days and retreat to a safe place with other barren women* for a time of rest, refreshment, and fellowship in Christ?

We are thinking about hosting a retreat called “The Great Getaway” for you, but, before we do, we want to make sure you actually want to come. Are you interested? If so, send us a quick message through the Submit a Question page and let us know your name, email address, location, and whether or not you would be able to travel somewhere in the Midwest.

It’s time to come out of hiding, don’t you think?

* Maybe you suffer from barrenness or secondary infertility. Maybe you are struggling through the grief of a recent miscarriage. Maybe you are wrestling with the legal paperwork of an adoption or silently waiting for your foster child to bond with your family. Maybe you have lost your husband and wonder if you will ever have the chance to be a mother. If any of these situations apply to you (and you are a woman), then you are invited.

I Am Waiting

I am waiting for Advent to begin, that blessed season of repentance when we in the Church reflect upon our need for a Savior.

I am waiting with Mary for the Child that has been promised to me, the Perfect One who exchanged my sin for His blessed righteousness.

I am waiting for the arrival of my dear friend’s adopted little girl, the little elephant whom we have been praying for and anticipating for seven, long years.

I am waiting for my godchildren to grow up in Christ, praying that God would preserve and sustain them in the one, true Faith unto life everlasting.

I am waiting for deliverance from my affliction, thanking God that I am medication and injection-free at the moment.

I am waiting for a child of my own, knowing full well that I may never have one.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus, for I am waiting.

Stop Fretting

For those of you out there who are still trying to figure out what God’s will is for you as a barren woman/couple so that you can carry it out, here is yet another reminder of what that phrase really means:

“Now that is the will of God which Christ both did and taught. Humility in conversation; steadfastness in faith; modesty in words; justice in deeds; mercifulness in works; discipline in morals; to be unable to do a wrong, and to be able to bear a wrong when done; to keep peace with the brethren; to love God with all one’s heart; to love Him in that He is a Father; to fear Him in that He is God; to prefer nothing whatever to Christ, because He did not prefer anything to us; to adhere inseparably to His love; to stand by His cross bravely and faithfully; when there is any contest on behalf of His name and honor, to exhibit in discourse that constancy wherewith we make confession; in torture, that confidence wherewith we do battle; in death, that patience whereby we are crowned; — this is to desire to be fellow-heirs with Christ; this is to do the commandment of God; this is to fulfill the will of the father.”               Cyprian (ANF 5:451).

You see, it’s not about whether to adopt or try and fix the reproductive system. It’s not about whether to do foster care. It’s not about domestic versus international. This is all adiophora (things neither forbidden nor commanded). Do what makes sense to you, what you’re financially and physically capable of and what is ethical. God’s will has to do with what Jesus did, perfectly, in our place, because we are incapable of fulfilling it.

“Thy will be done…”

Rest assured that it was. It still is. And it will continue to be.

So stop fretting and just make that decision.

A Spoonful of Sugar

I was Mary Poppins for a week.

I blew into town on a nor’easter to care for two children. I pulled excessive items out of my bag. I administered spoonfuls of sweet stuff. I rode on a carousel. I drank tea amidst lots of laughter. I sang songs with a British accent. I even said supercalifragilisticexpialidocious backwards.

(Oh, yes. I did.)

What a blessing and joy to be able to fly in at the drop of a hat to help out other parents in their vocations, to laugh and spin and jump and sing with little people, to hug and console and discipline in the stead of others, and to fly back out on a swift wind towards another adventure.

I always wanted to be Mary Poppins, and God, in making me barren, made it so. That definitely helps the medicine go down.

You Do Not Suffer Alone

Friends are having babies. Neighbors are celebrating a new grandchild. Teenagers are welcoming twins. We sit at home, in our quiet homes, alone. But take heart, dear friend, you are not alone in your suffering. Christians around the world have been suffering for years.

“Resist, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.” (1 Peter 5:9)

Take comfort in the pastor’s words on this passage of Scripture: In such temptations St. Peter comforts the suffering Christians by telling them that they are not the only nor the first souls to be so tempted, as though they had to bear a peculiar, rare, and unheard-of cross and suffering and should think and feel that they alone had to bear it; rather they should know that all their brethren in Christ scattered everywhere have at all times had to suffer thus from the devil and his onslaughts because they were in the world. For it is an immense help and comfort when the sufferer knows that he is not alone but is suffering with a great multitude.

Therefore no man should regard his own anguish and distress as so horrible, as if it were new and had never happened to anyone before. It may well be new to you and you may not have experienced it before, but look around you at all the Christians in our beloved Church from the beginning to this hour, planted in the world to run the devil’s gauntlet and unceasingly winnowed and fanned like wheat.

For where God through His Word and faith has gathered together a Church, the devil cannot be at peace, and where he cannot achieve her destruction through sectarianism he strikes at her with persecution and violence, so that we must risk our body and life in the fight, and all we have.

From Dr. Martin Luther’s sermon on the third Sunday after Trinity in the year 1544.

A Matter of Convenience

“We’re not ready for kids yet. We want to be financially stable.”

“I want to have a successful career before we have kids.”

“I know I’m not mature enough to be a parent.”

“Our home is so small; we don’t have room for kids right now.”

“I think I would go insane if we had any more kids.”

Time and again, these comments have caused me to grieve. True, I don’t know the whole back story to each of the above comments. I’ve even had some of those very same thoughts. However, I would love to have a baby in my home to love and cherish. Comments such as these portray the idea that children are a commodity to purchase. These casual comments cheapen the treasure that is a child. A baby is not something we get “at our earliest convenience.” Sadly, society tells us that we come first. Therefore, the use of birth control helps us to plan the “best time” to start a family. There’s a to-do list of accomplishments in this life, and having children gets in the way of those successes. We want the big boat, the nice home, and a large financial savings. Once we get those things done, then we can think about a family. This thought process is sinful.

Children are a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127:3). They are not property to be purchased when we’re ready for them. Children are a result of God’s design for marriage. A child is a gift from God. Who says no to a gift, a really good gift? Sinners do. In our sinful nature, we desire to put ourselves first. We want what we want when we want it. We feel that nothing should get in the way of our success. We want a career advancement, a bigger home, a secure future. Yes, these things are all good. They aren’t so good when they become idols. When children “get in the way” of our personal success and achievements, then we have turned God’s gift of a child into a convenience.

O God, forgive our selfish thoughts and help us to treasure children as gifts. Amen.

Collect: October 22, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

Lord God, Heavenly Father, You are the Author and Giver of life. Thank you for all the many blessings of children that have been brought into loving families. Give wisdom to parents; enable them to teach their children about Your love. Lord God, send Your Holy Spirit to comfort those who mourn, especially those who grieve the death of a child. Grant peace to those women whose bodies cannot sustain a pregnancy. Remind them of their life in Your Son’s death and resurrection; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

NaProTECHNOLOGY

Question Submitted: What do you think of NaProTECHNOLOGY?

My husband and I are actually trained in NaProTechnology. It was first presented to us ten years ago by our pro-life and Roman Catholic friends as an ethical alternative to the pill, and, in our self-acclaimed wisdom, we trained in it the summer before our wedding to ultimately avoid pregnancy in our marriage. For the next two years, I carefully charted and met with a nurse (year one) and a doctor (year two) for guidance and assessment. As you know, we were quite successful with the method.

We have since then used NPT to try to get pregnant, and it has not been so successful for us there. I was able, however, to point a few seminary friends suffering from PCOS to a local doctor trained in NPT, and some of them are mothers today.

My humble opinion: As an educational tool, I am not opposed to NPT. I learned a lot about my body that helps me cope with the ups and downs of barrenness today; however, you will notice that I do not publicly advocate for it. My main reason is that most people who ask me about NPT are not interested in using the method as healing medicine but as something very different.

My husband and I regret our decision to avoid pregnancy early in our marriage. Sometimes, I even regret knowing all the ins and outs of my cycle, hormones, etc. It is something I can never unlearn, and there are definitely days when I would rather forget all about it.

Child = Gift

There is no good thing in me, not a single one. I have made myself into an idol and adored myself repeatedly. I have cursed God for not giving me more children. The Word and Sacrament have fallen, at times, on my deaf ears. It has been difficult to respect and honor parents who have been given numerous children while my bedrooms remain empty. My thoughts have wounded my neighbors, and I have been jealous of married couples. I have thought ill of others, whose homes are blessed with children. I am wretched. I am a sinner; I deserve death.

Instead, our gracious and merciful Lord deals gently with me. I am a sinner and should be killed. I have broken every one of the Ten Commandments… repeatedly. However, our compassionate Lord absolves me of my sin and grants blessing after blessing. In His great mercy, He gives children. There is nothing in me that deserves a child. I am evil, but still He gives. How humbling it is to know that Jesus covers my sin with His robe of righteousness and gives to me all good things. I am given Christ’s name when I am baptized; I receive the Lord’s forgiveness in His Holy Supper.

Perhaps I am even given a child. When I receive that good word, I am blessed. I am deeply humbled. The Lord has blessed me with riches that I could never have earned. Each and every child is a gift. 100% gift.

Whatcha’ Got Cookin’?

After 15 years of marriage I’ve decided to learn how to cook. I mean really cook. I confess that I’ve been faking my way through this whole time. When a recipe that I follow perfectly doesn’t turn out, then I just throw up my hands in disgust and lament that the world is against me. I don’t really use my brain when cooking. I admit to blindly following the instructions from the magazine cut-out, praying it turns out half as good as the picture looks. But I’ve been burned this way (literally) so many times that it has just perpetuated my general feeling of helplessness which, for me anyway, often accompanies this barren state. So when my husband recently asked me out of the blue if there was anything in particular that I would like to accomplish or learn in the near future, I didn’t even have to think. “I want to learn how to cook,” I stated firmly, as if I had already started making plans on how to achieve this goal. But I hadn’t and I wasn’t quite sure where to start.

Taking cooking classes was out of the question due to cost and time committment. Plan B included the good old standby: get the right books and just teach myself. I had heard that the book Joy of Cooking was supposed to be a beginner’s manual to this field of study and so I asked a culinarily-gifted friend of mine if he would recommend it. He had a copy, of course, but steered me first to Alton Brown’s I’m Just Here for the Food, a similar yet more contemporary and humorous option. This, my friends, is solid gold. I have finally found someone who understands me. Within just the first few pages Alton reveals the pitfalls of my kind of cooking, comparing it to giving a friend from out-of-town directions to your house but not sending him a map.

That’s what’s wrong with recipes. Sure, they can get us where we’re going, but that doesn’t mean we know where we are when we get there. And it would be a real shame to make it all the way to a souffle without realizing that scrambled eggs are just over the next hill and meringue’s just around the corner.

Do you have to know how to scramble an egg before you can make a souffle or how to sear a steak to make a beef stew? No. A halfway decent recipe can get you to either of those destinations. But unless you understand where you are and how you got there, you’re a hostage. And it’s hard to have fun when you’re a hostage. (pg. 7)

Yes!! That’s me! A hostage. I just do whatever I’m told and I’ve never even tried to escape. Until now. If this book really does what it says it’s going to do then my time spent playing the victim is quickly coming to an end. There’s nothing like a little experience manipulating the elements to increase one’s feeling of control in life. I have fought for control of my own body for so many years and I’m convinced that it’s a losing battle. But if I can learn to sear that piece of meat so that the juices remain and there’s a golden crust surrounding it on all sides then I may not feel quite so defeated after all.