IVF

Emancipation Proclamation Decimation

America is still in the slave market, and it’s called third-party reproduction.

With enough money, American citizens can go out and buy every ingredient on the “How to Make a Baby” recipe and create their own person to love and to cherish and to, well, to grade and to abuse and to legally discriminate and to throw away and to terminate and to deny any personal right to gamete donor information. We as a nation no longer sail across the ocean to capture and enslave human beings. We simply do it right here in a petri dish in the land of the free and the brave.

“IVF is the new cotton gin,” writes Alana S. Newman in her recent article The Mother-Free Money Tree. “Let’s learn from history and kick this before it takes us to the terrible places we once were.”

Yes, let’s.

But, be ready, friends. “[T]he rights of children are in direct conflict with the agenda of the fertility industry and its clients,” (Newman) so this is going to be an uphill battle. Yet, fight we must, because third-party reproduction is human trafficking only on a much bigger, legally-sanctioned scale.

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The doctor’s in…

IMG_1879 copyWe were blessed to have an OB-Gyn speak with us at The Great Getaway last summer. Here is a collection of some of the wise tidbits he shared with us:

On infertility…

“Fertility is one of those areas in life where God has us where He wants us. We have to lay it down. We have to give it to God. Who ultimately is in control? It’s not me [the doctor]; it’s not you and your husband; God is the one in control.”

“Infertility is a cross. It’s the cross God has given us. We are to bear our crosses.”

“We can’t even claim to understand why this is happening. This is a wound only God can heal.”

“No matter what happens, your Father loves you. Your Father has your best in mind.”

“Our culture says, ‘I have a right to have my 2.2 children when I want them. Children are things.’ We do not have a right to have children…Children are a precious gift from God.”

“If we had something that worked 100% of the time, then we would lose the awe and wonder of creation.”

On IVF…

“Infertility is not a disease. It is a symptom of a problem. IVF circumvents that problem. Let’s figure out the problem rather than circumvent the problem.”

“Who in the world do we think we are in saying that someone is a Grade D embryo?”

“For every baby that is born through IVF, between 20 to 30 are lost.”

The cost? “$15,000-$18,000 per cycle”

On why life begins at conception…

“Genetically, that embryo is not the mom; that embryo is not the dad. That’s a new person.”

On whether or not the pill ever acts as an abortifacient…

“If it happens once, isn’t that too many?”

Flesh vs. Holy Spirit

“The flesh distrusts God, trusts in present things, seeks human aid in trouble, even contrary to God’s will. It flees from suffering, which it ought to bear because of God’s commands. It doubts God’s mercy and so on. The Holy Spirit in our hearts fights against such tendencies in order to suppress and kill them and to produce new spiritual motives.” — Apology of the Augsburg Confession V 45-49

It’s tempting to seize control of your barrenness and change your status. You dearly want to trust that your doctor has the tools to prepare your body to carry a child. You want to believe the advice of friends who’ve had success in child-bearing. You hear about couples who have children through IVF. In your head and heart, you know it opposes God’s will. Yet it is still so hard to accept this truth and live in God’s grace. You go home to a quiet house at the end of the day. You weep when the phone call comes, announcing a friend’s pregnancy. You wonder if toys will ever occupy space on your living room floor. Your suffering never seems to end. You feel alone.

Take heart, dear sisters. You are not alone. The Holy Spirit is fighting against the sinful flesh for you. Yes, for you! The Holy Spirit wards off more evil thoughts than you know and gives you strength to live each day. It is the Holy Spirit who reminds you that you are remembered by Jesus. So fight on, Holy Spirit; fight on! th-1

Ephesians 6:10-17 (ESV)

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Differing Perspectives

Nurse: Do you have any children?

Me: We have not been blessed with any children, and I’m thinking maybe it won’t happen at this point.

Nurse: Oh, now, I don’t know. I have many friends who have done IVF, and, then, when they stopped trying and finally relaxed, they got pregnant.

Me: Well, my husband and I’ve never done IVF, so we’ve been relaxing for over eleven years, now. We’ve probably earned a black belt in relaxation.

Nurse: But, still, you never know. I have a friend who tried for years to get pregnant. Then, when she and her husband adopted a child, they suddenly got pregnant.

Me: I have a sister who has adopted three children and has never been pregnant. I also have two close friends who adopted three children between them in the last year, and neither of them have gotten pregnant since. And my husband and I never got pregnant after going through the foster parent training program. That was three years ago.

Nurse: I don’t know. I know too many people who’ve had that happen.

Me: I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. I’m just saying that it also doesn’t happen.

Nurse: Well, it seems like a lot of people get pregnant that way.

Me: And a lot of people don’t. As many as one-third of the couples who seek medical help for their infertility never achieve a pregnancy.

Nurse: That’s not a very big number.

Me: It is to one-third of the couples trying to get pregnant.

Nurse: The glass is half full.

Me: And half empty. But what does it matter? Why bother measuring the glass at all when taking a drink? It is what it is, and it is given to us by God for our good. Bottoms up!  

doctor

“How can you be certain?”

MP900321169Question Submitted: I read the following statement in an answer you gave to another submitted question: “God calls doctors to diagnose and treat illnesses, not to risk the lives of innocent children for the sake of their parents’ happiness.” Who are you to determine what God calls others to do?  How can you be certain they are not called to assist these families in being created?

I think the answer you seek is in the very statement you quote. Take a look at it, again.

“God calls doctors to diagnose and treat illnesses, not to risk the lives of innocent children for the sake of their parents’ happiness.”

Doctors, in the very oath they take before beginning a life of medical service to their community, promise always to help and heal and restore people through their practice of medicine. Never are they intentionally to hurt, harm, or kill their patients, yet this is exactly what happens to most of the children doctors create through the procedure of in vitro fertilization. Not only do doctors grade, test, discard, freeze, selectively terminate, and medically disrespect these genetically whole human beings after their creation, but the children who are finally chosen for attempted implantation stand only a 29.4% chance of surviving implantation. (Don’t take my word for it. Look up the statistics for yourself on WebMD. You can find the implantation success rate stats on page two of this article.)

This means most of these children are created simply to die.

In light of God’s Word (Exodus 20), we all can boldly confess together that God does not call anyone to create children simply to die.

In fact, God’s Word gives us certainty (1 Samuel 2:6) that God does not call anyone to create children, period. He reserves this miraculous gifting for Himself. Children are His blessing spoken over the institution of marriage (Genesis 1:26-28), His gift to give, His heritage to bestow (Psalm 127). And, while God is generous in the giving of His good gifts, nowhere in His Word does He promise the gift of children to every person, neither does His Word bid us to create our own heritage of children where He in His wisdom has not given them. Quite the opposite, God’s Word reveals to us the plight and agony which can result from creating our own heritage of children apart from God’s plan and promise.

“Who are you?” you ask. I am a barren woman who is free in Christ (Galatians 5:13) to seek healing medicine from my doctors for my infertility but not to create and kill children on my own.

But, again, don’t take my word for it. Take another barren woman’s:

“The Lord kills and brings to life;
      he brings down to Sheol and raises up.” 1 Samuel 2:6 (ESV)

Creation is God’s business, not ours.

Hold Your Horses

horserace start gateTechnology will always move faster than the Church. The infertility medicine industry may insist on creating and freezing embryonic children, but that does not automatically mean the Church should be bullied into adopting and implanting them. She should wait until she can with full, Scriptural confidence say that surrogacy in such a situation is pleasing to God and serves the best interest of her neighbors – all of them, including the statistically doomed 65%.

At the same time, the Church should not be a Levite and cross on the far side of the street from those abandoned to die in the ditch. She should speak on this issue. She should pray for these precious children, advocate for their legal rights, work to stop the creation and freezing of more children outside of the marriage bed in the procedure of IVF, and encourage parents to rescue their children from the freezer.

Help us, Lord God, and save us from our sins, for Jesus’ sake. “Cast us not away from Thy presence, and take not Thy Spirit from us.” Amen.

Just Like You

It almost always happens.

Eighty percent of the time, someone comes up to me after I speak on the topic of barrenness and says, “I have a niece/daughter-in-law/cousin/granddaughter just like you. She and her husband tried for years and years to get pregnant, but– ”

And then I get a pointed look in the eye, almost a gauntlet in a glance thrown down at my feet.

“– they have triplets, now.”

There is an awkward silence. I know the woman before me wants me to ask how such a miracle is possible, how her loved one could possibly have three children when I have none, but I don’t.

She continues, raising her eyebrows in delight as she reveals the secret ingredient in her recipe, “Their doctor worked a miracle for them through IV-something-or-other.”

My answer shocks her. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Because I am. All I can think about is whether or not these triplets have any siblings frozen in liquid nitrogen, whether or not their embryonic lives will be as coveted, respected, protected, cared for, and celebrated as the triplets currently sleeping in cribs in a green-and-yellow nursery lovingly decorated with hand-painted trees and animals on the walls.

I get sick to my stomach that we never acknowledge all of the children in such conversations, that our talk about children in general seems fueled by an underlying current of trying to get what we want rather than taking care of our littlest neighbors. When will we start publicly acknowledging that there are more children created through the process of IVF than the ones we see? When will we admit that there are more lives created, discarded, and frozen than the ones we actually want?

So many children…

Please, if you know of anyone who currently has children stored in liquid nitrogen, speak to them. Remind them of their children and their God-given call to parent them. Lovingly urge them to rescue their children from the freezer and attempt implantation. If the cost of such a feat is too high for them to afford, help them with the cost in whatever way you can. If the number of their children is too many for them to parent, help them find an agency who can facilitate adoptions after their children are born.

These children and their parents need our help.

Lord, have mercy on us all.

“To the barren ladies I know and the ones I don’t”

bleeding-heart-flower copySomeone loves you and prays for you and bears with you, dear sisters. Read this and rest today while a sister in Christ shoulders your cross.

I’m the one with more children than you have fingers on your right hand. I feel ostentatious and gaudy around you. I feel like having my babies with me is in poor taste, like I am flaunting my riches. I cringe to imagine that you might feel the same way, you who have suffered so much in your own mind and who are now subjected in real time, in public, to stare in the face the dream that hasn’t come true for you. I am so sorry it hasn’t. I am so sorry to think that I might be causing you more pain. I ache for the love you show my silly little people. I don’t know if I could.

I sin your sins. When I see all the world’s human trash with its ill-bred and empirically worthless children, I seethe to think of the pearls cast before them while your clean neck and open ears and graceful wrists and industrious fingers are bare. When another moron teenager turns up pregnant, I want to rage at God for what I can only see as unimaginable injustice and just plain poor planning. I want to make it right. I want to distribute the world’s children sensibly by my own self-righteous fiat. I want YOU, you wonderful, smart, talented, responsible, faithful Christian person, to be a mother of nations. NOT THEM.

I see it. I didn’t want to, but I loved you so much I finally looked and really saw it, or saw it as well as one such as myself is able to. It was the worst thing I have ever seen. It looks like utter desolation, like horror. I can’t look long. I can’t believe it’s the view out your window every hour of every day. Oh, you. You have lost what you never had.

But I know also that we are nearsighted. I am so nearsighted outside of this metaphor that, without my glasses, I can look into a dark bedroom where I know there is a digital clock and still see no light whatsoever. This is how we see into eternity also. No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. So I know that, despite its appearance to myopics like us, the desolation is not utter. I know you know too, and we walk by faith together because our sight is untrustworthy.

I cannot tell you how much I respect and admire you for not trying to take by force what God has not given. You are like the man on a lifeboat, crazy with thirst, who still knows better than to drink seawater even though his companions fall to the temptation. It must be so hard to watch them–to watch them sicken, to watch them die, to watch them live. You are the one who clings to a true hope and has the best chance of healthy survival. You trust the Lord, though he slay you.

I thank you for the witness that you are to the sacred blessing of marriage no matter what the quantifiable yield of that marriage. I thank you for the witness you are to the inherent value of femininity no matter what the quantifiable yield of that femininity.

I don’t say these things to you because I feel I don’t know you well enough, or I don’t know how you are doing with all this right now, or I know you feel as sick of this being the relentless topic of your life as I am of the relentless topics of my life. But I want you to know that I am always thinking all these things even as you are, and I pray for you always. I’m sorry if my not saying something makes it seem like I don’t care or I don’t really get it. I know I don’t really get it, but I try to, and I care so much.

I know you feel empty, but you bear the heaviest burden, and bearing is never without gain. God bless you, strong one.

“A Loving Place, Inside Me”

Dear Church:

Please, read this article by Matthew Hennessey in First Things. He holds the mirror before us all.

P.S. Whenever I highlight an article such as this one, I do not mean to add to the pain of my brothers and sisters in Christ who repent of their use of IVF or their act of abortion. Christ died for those regrets and reconciles us to the Father. I am trying to call out those who justify the creation and subsequent termination of “the least of these” as an act of compassion.