Author: Kristi

Suffering

God Himself causes our suffering.  He is not the cause of sin, mind you, but He is the cause of our suffering.  [p.32]  Those are the words of Dr. Gregory Schulz  in his book The Problem of Suffering: A Father’s Hope.

As I read Dr. Schulz’s book, I began to think he had a window to my heart.  As he shared the struggles of pain and suffering surrounding the death of two of his children, he asked why these things could happen.  I asked that same question surrounding my barrenness.  He wrote based on his experiences as a father and a husband.  He asked why suffering happens.  He questioned suffering in the world.  I asked those very same things.  Dr. Schulz pointed me to Jesus, the only relief from suffering.

We experience death, pain, sorrow, and grief. How can suffering come from God?  Suffering is real.  Suffering hurts.  Suffering drives us to our knees.  Suffering demonstrates to us that we are mortal.  We cannot cure every disease.  We cannot prevent death.  We cannot administer the drug that takes away aches and pains.

No, our only relief lies in Jesus Christ.  He took all of our sin sicknesses and sufferings and ingested them into Himself on the cross – for us.  We are made holy in our baptisms.  Once baptized, though, we are signed up for a lifetime of suffering.

There is great temptation to say that our suffering will come to a fairy-tale ending in this world.  On the contrary, in this world we will have pain and sorrow.  It would be foolish to insist that our suffering is going to have a glorious finish.  This is a sinful world, and while we dwell in it, we will not be safe from sin.  When the body and soul of the believer in Christ are united with Jesus, THEN all suffering will end.  This is why we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “But deliver us from evil.”  True relief is peace in Christ.

In this world, we will experience disappointment, heartache, death, miscarriage, and so much more.  Take heart, dear sisters and brothers in Christ, you are not alone.  Dr. Schulz writes: “…even the Gospel doesn’t give us absolute rest as long as we are away from home in this vale of tears.  It can and does bring us the Good News of Jesus, the rest for our souls, but we still experience anger and anxiety.” [p.124]  He continues: “My joy is not complete.  It cannot be, until God grants us all a blessed reunion in heaven.” [p.125]  God does not abandon you.  He loves you, and He understands your suffering.

I commend this book to you.  Grieve with Dr. Schulz.  Live under the cross of Jesus until He takes you to Himself, where all suffering ends.

Meals for the Masses

This past week our family was privileged to host two other families, each with four children.  I decided that one of our meals would be tacos.  Our little family of three can make 1 pound of taco meat last for two meals.  Before our friends arrived I prepared 3 pounds of taco meat.  When it came time to eat, the kids were in line, and the large bowl of taco meat was rapidly diminishing before my very eyes.  There was no way that 3 pounds was going to be enough.  I quickly defrosted 2 more pounds of ground beef and started cooking it.  I didn’t have any more taco mix, so I used up the rest of my chili powder to make the meat.  The kids waited (as patiently as possible) for me to finish cooking lunch.

Note to self:  Make AT LEAST 5 pounds of taco meat for 9 children.  The adults can eat lettuce.

Collect: June 5, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

O blessed Holy Trinity, You have created us, redeemed us, and sanctified us.  All praise and glory be to You.  By grace, we acknowledge and confess You to be Lord and God.  Keep us steadfast in Your Word and give us strength to face all adversities.  As we pass through trials, remind us that our trust is in You.  Help us rejoice with those who rejoice.  Enable us to boldly proclaim the Holy Trinity and live our vocations confidently in You; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

Can I Be Happy?

There are days when I dwell on my barrenness.  My thoughts lead to lots of “what if” statements.  “What if we’d tried to start a family right after we wed?”  “What if we’d started the adoption process sooner?”  “What if I never parent another child?”  Thus begins a slippery slope, focusing on the negatives.  Once that starts, it’s hard to climb back up out of the pit.

Enter Jesus Christ.  I belong to Him.  True, my body is not right; it’s sinful and broken.  My mind wants to turn inward on itself and have a nice, little pity party.  However, Jesus lives in me.  He’s right there in my head and in my heart.  The cross was traced over my head and heart at my baptism.  Jesus is right here – with me!

Yes, there are tough days, days when I sink into my own sorrows.  However, Jesus walks with me through those tough days.  Even more, He carries me through the rough times.  Jesus knows my hurts.  He’s been hurt even deeper.  He was abandoned by His Father on the cross.  He endured suffering and shame like I will never experience.  He knows what it means to sorrow.

Will I ever be happy?  Will it be when I am a parent?  Is that the only thing to which I cling for my happiness?  If I can’t be happy unless I have a child, then I am coveting.  That’s sin, and I beg for God’s forgiveness.  On the contrary, happiness comes through Jesus and Him alone.  My joy is found in Jesus because, in Him, I am made whole and righteous.  My body on earth remains broken because of my sin, but I am perfect in Jesus.  And He is my happiness.

Filled to Overflowing

Peter (of the Bible) was a professional fisherman.  He knew what to do to fill his nets, but he had a problem.  He had spent the entire night out on the sea and caught nothing.  He had done all he could and still came up with an empty net.

Along came his good friend Jesus, who told him to cast his net on the other side of his boat.  What – the other side of the boat?  How much difference can there be?

And yet Peter obeyed.  Immediately the net was overflowing with fish.  Immediately.  How I wish I could have seen Peter’s face.  He must have been floored.  The Lord filled the net with good things and all good things.

Jesus gives me only good things, too.  I have tried to conceive a child.  I’ve taken test after test and popped my share of pills.  My best efforts were still not good enough because I am sinful.  I still came up with an empty womb.  Rather, the Lord opens His hands and graciously gives – when and where He wills.  He has already given to me the very best things.  I have received His name in Holy Baptism.  I have received the forgiveness of my dreadful sins through His Body and Blood.  I have heard through my ears the Absolution of sins forgiven.  The gifts of eternal life and salvation are mine – not through my own merits but through Jesus Christ, my Lord God and Savior.

Like Peter, my best works aren’t good enough.  My sinful body proves it.  Jesus, however, is good, and He is more than enough.  He fills and satisfies.  On my own, I will certainly come up empty-handed, but I know with certainty that Jesus does what is best for me.  He fills my life with gifts that are too numerous to count.  May we all be given faith to trust in the Lord’s mercy, just as Peter learned to do, and to receive God’s gifts with thanksgiving.

Collect: May 29, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

O God, You sent Your Holy Spirit to your people on Pentecost.  Grant us grace to live in the same Spirit, rejoicing in our membership in the family of God.  May we give thanks to You for the gifts You have bestowed upon Your people.  Give us strength to bear our crosses, that we might remain faithful to life’s end; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

False Hope vs. Loving Truths

Here’s what the world tells me:

1. IVF is the answer.

2. You’ve got years to get pregnant.

3. Your adoption is close;  I’m sure of it.

4. You’ll be perfect parents.

5. Pray harder.

The world screams that I can control my fertility by following some simple steps.  Try harder.  Eat the right foods.  Take specific vitamins.  The list goes on and on.

False hope.  That’s what those things are.  They’re lies that make you feel better, not me.  They’re empty promises that get my hope up.

I need the truth.  How about this instead?

1.  You are God’s child.  He loves you as you are.

2. Children are gifts from the Lord.

3. God knows what you need, and you need His Son Jesus.

4. You are special to me.

5. I love you!

Loving truths.  That’s what I need to hear.  Tell me about Jesus, my Savior.  Remind me that all good gifts come from the Lord.  Share with me the good news that I am God’s child.  I need to hear that my worthiness is not tied to my womb, but to Jesus, who was born for me and saved me from sin, death, and the power of the devil.  It’s the truth.  I can handle that.

Puzzled

Our household does not have a dual income.  My husband is the provider.  I stay home, making our home a safe and pleasant place.  I enjoy preparing meals and tending my garden.  I don’t find quite so much joy in dusting and ironing (which I rarely do).

There are moments, too, when I have some free time.  I can read or sew.  Recently, I’ve started doing puzzles.  The current one has 500 pieces.  I’m frustrated by this puzzle because its colors are only various shades of brown.  I sit down to put some pieces together and walk away without finding a single match.  I get tense. I think, “I can’t even put together a puzzle.  How could I be expected to have a baby?”  During those moments, I wonder if I should go back into the work force.  Maybe I’d feel better about myself if I was “contributing to society” instead of “tending the hearth.”

Therein lies my sin.  I’ve started listening to the voices of society.  They say, “Get out there and do something.”  That’s when it’s time to redirect my attention. It’s time to listen to the voice of Jesus, the Good Shepherd.  What does He tell me in Scripture?  I need to confess my sin of idolatry.  The Lord will provide for the needs of my family.  He has already given me His Word and Holy Sacraments.  I am forgiven; I am His child.

I have no idea what God’s plan is for me regarding family life.  I don’t know if my family size will grow or remain the same.  I don’t know if there will ever be grandchildren.  Who will care for me and my husband in our golden years?

The Lord knows.  He is the One who formed me.  He knew me in my mother’s womb.  He knows my life’s steps.  He has given me the vocations of wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend.  I don’t have to worry about how to make everything fit into its proper place.  God has it covered; He’s taking care of everything.  No need for me to be puzzled about that.

Collect: April 30, 2012

It is our privilege to pray with and for you.  If you would like to submit a personal petition to be included in our prayers, please send your request via the “Submit a Question” page on this site.  

Collect of the Week: 

Let us pray…

Almighty and everlasting God, You are the Good Shepherd and desire only good for us.  Forgive us, Your wayward lambs for the times we go astray and do not heed Your voice.  Gently bring us back to the fold and lead us on the paths of righteousness.  Bless all under-shepherds as they nurture and care for us, Your flock; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

Keeping Watch

I had let my guard down too soon.  I cried.  I grieved for that which was not given to me.

Thanks be to God for you, my dear sisters, who kept watch with me.  You listened and didn’t try to offer a rosy outcome.  You hugged me and cried with me.  You gave me space to let it all out.  You reminded me that I am God’s child, and you prayed for me.  You sent me a baby elephant.  Thank you.