Church

Open Sesame

MP900432756I’ve been noticing something.

Most Christians don’t doubt that God can open wombs. What they seem to doubt is that God also closes wombs or, at least, allows them to stay closed.

I know this full well, for I receive a lot of correspondence from people who think my present barrenness is a direct result of my wanting prayer life. They conclude I must not have enough faith that God can open my womb or He would have already.

That’s tough correspondence for me to receive, because, in fact, I do believe that God can open my womb. It’s just that I know He has not promised me in His Word that He will do so, and it is idolatry to put my hope and trust in that which God has not promised. Frankly, it is also exhausting. I grow weary of playing the part of belligerent, spoiled brat with my Father in heaven, stomping my feet, shaking my fists, and demanding from Him the children I think I’m owed in this life. God is not a vending machine (as my husband often says). He is my Creator, Savior, and Comforter. And, I think it is pertinent to point out that in spite of all of my huffing and puffing, God in His wisdom has still not given me a child.

I’d much rather live today in the sweet, confident expectation of what God has promised me in His Word: that He works all things, even my childlessness, for my good. That is the promise in which I put my faith. That is the good gift for which I pray: Lord, continue to give (and not give) me exactly what is best for me. Thy will be done. Amen

Has God closed my womb? I don’t know. Maybe. At the least, He is permitting my womb to be closed today. If I do get pregnant tomorrow, it will not be because I finally prayed the right prayer for the right amount of time with the right amount of faith. It will be because God decides to give me, His beloved child, a gift that I neither merit nor earn. It will be because that is what God in His omniscient wisdom decides is best for me.

You know what this means, right? Today, it is God’s best for me to be barren.

And Now A Few Words from A Sponsor

We interrupt your busy day with these words from your child’s sponsor…
some awesome kidsDear Parents of my godchildren,

I know that parenting is hard. You face short nights, piles of laundry, sinks full of dishes, homework to complete, musical instruments to practice, and much more. Even harder than that is the challenge of teaching your children the love of the Lord. The devil desperately desires to make you neglect the teaching of God’s Word to your child. He wants you to take the extra hours of sleep on Sunday morning and keep your children away from the Lord.sometimes happy, sometimes not

It brings me great joy to know that I am a sponsor/godparent to your precious child. I pray not only for your sons and daughters, but also for you. I was blessed recently to spend time with some of your precious lambs. I saw and heard them do different things:

* kneel at the rail of the Lord’s Supper to receive a blessing from the pastor

* confidently point her little finger at and say “cross”

* sweetly sing “God Loves Me Dearly” with all her heart

* fold her hands and answer a confident “Amen!” at the end of the prayer

* confess that Jesus gives good gifts when He gives babies to families

* announce that Jesus is born at Christmas

* recite the 10 Commandments without any help

the little one

These are the things that bring me joy. Actually, they bring me to tears. I know your children are being taught the fear and love of the Lord Jesus, their Savior. Well done, parents. It is my deep honor and privilege to pray daily for you and for your child. I will keep praying for your family. I will keep talking with your children about Jesus. I pray that they will always sing the praises of their Savior Jesus.boys and their toys

May God continue to bless you and your children, for God has graciously placed them into your homes and into my heart.

Love, Aunty Kristi

We now return you to your vocation of parenting.I love being a blond.

Second Annual Writing Contest

Christmas lightsDear Women, Men, Married, Single, Barren, and Blessed:

We’ve got another writing contest brewing.

Last year, we asked you to reflect on the topic “Advent and Barrenness.” This year, we would like you to submit posts on the topic “My Suffering Is a Blessing.” The winning post, chosen by our panel of hosts, will receive a free copy of He Remembers the Barren as well as a surprise. (That’s right. A surprise.) The top three finalists will also see their posts featured on our website.

Simply compose your post of 600 words or less in an email and send it to katie@katieschuermann.com by December 25th. The winner will be announced on Epiphany (January 6th).

Please be sure to include your name and shipping address in the email.

Sincerely,

Your HRTB Hosts

Words of Grief and Hope

cross markerSpecial thanks to the Rev. Todd A. Peperkorn for granting permission to reprint this post from his website “Lutheran Logomaniac.” Pastor Peperkorn is a husband, a father, and a pastor. He shares his grief and his confidence in the promise of the resurrection on the Last Day.

“Nadia After Eight”

Each year the day after Thanksgiving begins a period for me where a whole bunch of anniversaries begin. The first is the death of our unborn daughter, Nadia. After that comes the death of our unborn son, Emmanuel. Then it is the death of my mother. Finally is the time when I went on disability for clinical depression.

In many ways my grief is less raw than it once was. It is less primal and fear inducing. My grief now has taken on another character. That character is grief as guilt.

I remember when Nadia died eight years ago. No one knows what to do with a miscarriage. Is it a big deal or not? How do people react to such a thing? And because no one knows what to do, that generally means that most people do nothing. We had a lot of family staying with us when Nadia died, and sure enough, they really did nothing.

I remember being angry at them, so very angry. WE LOST A BABY! Why don’t you care?

Eight years later, I can see that my anger at them was really not directed so much at them as it was at God. They were simply an easier target. When someone dies, above all you want someone to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Fix it, somehow. The least you can do is die with them. But it doesn’t work that way. Someone dies, and everything else just lingers on. Eventually things return to normal, whatever that means. But that smoldering anger remains.

The fact is that God did do something about Nadia’s death. He sent His Son into another womb, helpless and in complete and utter need. And He lived that life of no consequence, just like everyone else’s life. You wouldn’t know Him by looking at Him. And so it is that He died. He died for all of the Nadias out there. He died for all the children born and unborn who are enslaved by this grip of death. He died for the grieving and lingering. He died for them and for me. And you.

I’m not angry at God anymore. Not about that, at least. Ok, not as much. But the grief remains. I cling to this grief, believing that by holding onto this grief (and anger) I can somehow maintain the rightness of my cause. Surely God will do something about this. Surely He will call her from the dead. Surely we will feast together at the Last Day. Surely God will dry our tears. Surely…

Zion hears the watchmen singing,

And all her heart with joy is springing;

She wakes, she rises from her gloom.

For her Lord comes down all-glorious,

The strong in grace, in truth victorious;

Her star is ris’n, her light is come.

Now come, Thou Blessèd One,

Lord Jesus, God’s own Son,

Hail! Hosanna!

We enter all

The wedding hall

To eat the Supper at Thy call.

(LSB 516:2)

Treasure Trove

Last year, we HRTB ladies hosted a writing contest during the season of Advent. Many of you submitted posts on the topic “Advent and Barrenness,” and we shared seven of our favorites on this website.

Today, these posts still ring true. I find myself reading them over and over again, feasting on your words of encouragement and exhortation, thanking God for the gift of fellowship we all have in Him.

In case you missed these treasures the first time around, here they are again:

The following Advent posts from last year, penned by two of our own hosts, were not contest submissions but are just as worthy of revisiting:

Well Said

A long time ago, we talked about this, and not too long ago we talked about this.

Diane Lamberson, a lovely licensed clinical social worker I met at the “Caring for the Barren” conference in Houston last weekend, said it this way during one of our sessions:

“The platitudes we offer to a person who is grieving are an attempt to alleviate our own anxiety when we are uncomfortable sitting with someone else’s pain.”

Aha!

I Am Waiting

I am waiting for Advent to begin, that blessed season of repentance when we in the Church reflect upon our need for a Savior.

I am waiting with Mary for the Child that has been promised to me, the Perfect One who exchanged my sin for His blessed righteousness.

I am waiting for the arrival of my dear friend’s adopted little girl, the little elephant whom we have been praying for and anticipating for seven, long years.

I am waiting for my godchildren to grow up in Christ, praying that God would preserve and sustain them in the one, true Faith unto life everlasting.

I am waiting for deliverance from my affliction, thanking God that I am medication and injection-free at the moment.

I am waiting for a child of my own, knowing full well that I may never have one.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus, for I am waiting.

Stop Fretting

For those of you out there who are still trying to figure out what God’s will is for you as a barren woman/couple so that you can carry it out, here is yet another reminder of what that phrase really means:

“Now that is the will of God which Christ both did and taught. Humility in conversation; steadfastness in faith; modesty in words; justice in deeds; mercifulness in works; discipline in morals; to be unable to do a wrong, and to be able to bear a wrong when done; to keep peace with the brethren; to love God with all one’s heart; to love Him in that He is a Father; to fear Him in that He is God; to prefer nothing whatever to Christ, because He did not prefer anything to us; to adhere inseparably to His love; to stand by His cross bravely and faithfully; when there is any contest on behalf of His name and honor, to exhibit in discourse that constancy wherewith we make confession; in torture, that confidence wherewith we do battle; in death, that patience whereby we are crowned; — this is to desire to be fellow-heirs with Christ; this is to do the commandment of God; this is to fulfill the will of the father.”               Cyprian (ANF 5:451).

You see, it’s not about whether to adopt or try and fix the reproductive system. It’s not about whether to do foster care. It’s not about domestic versus international. This is all adiophora (things neither forbidden nor commanded). Do what makes sense to you, what you’re financially and physically capable of and what is ethical. God’s will has to do with what Jesus did, perfectly, in our place, because we are incapable of fulfilling it.

“Thy will be done…”

Rest assured that it was. It still is. And it will continue to be.

So stop fretting and just make that decision.

You Do Not Suffer Alone

Friends are having babies. Neighbors are celebrating a new grandchild. Teenagers are welcoming twins. We sit at home, in our quiet homes, alone. But take heart, dear friend, you are not alone in your suffering. Christians around the world have been suffering for years.

“Resist, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.” (1 Peter 5:9)

Take comfort in the pastor’s words on this passage of Scripture: In such temptations St. Peter comforts the suffering Christians by telling them that they are not the only nor the first souls to be so tempted, as though they had to bear a peculiar, rare, and unheard-of cross and suffering and should think and feel that they alone had to bear it; rather they should know that all their brethren in Christ scattered everywhere have at all times had to suffer thus from the devil and his onslaughts because they were in the world. For it is an immense help and comfort when the sufferer knows that he is not alone but is suffering with a great multitude.

Therefore no man should regard his own anguish and distress as so horrible, as if it were new and had never happened to anyone before. It may well be new to you and you may not have experienced it before, but look around you at all the Christians in our beloved Church from the beginning to this hour, planted in the world to run the devil’s gauntlet and unceasingly winnowed and fanned like wheat.

For where God through His Word and faith has gathered together a Church, the devil cannot be at peace, and where he cannot achieve her destruction through sectarianism he strikes at her with persecution and violence, so that we must risk our body and life in the fight, and all we have.

From Dr. Martin Luther’s sermon on the third Sunday after Trinity in the year 1544.

Child = Gift

There is no good thing in me, not a single one. I have made myself into an idol and adored myself repeatedly. I have cursed God for not giving me more children. The Word and Sacrament have fallen, at times, on my deaf ears. It has been difficult to respect and honor parents who have been given numerous children while my bedrooms remain empty. My thoughts have wounded my neighbors, and I have been jealous of married couples. I have thought ill of others, whose homes are blessed with children. I am wretched. I am a sinner; I deserve death.

Instead, our gracious and merciful Lord deals gently with me. I am a sinner and should be killed. I have broken every one of the Ten Commandments… repeatedly. However, our compassionate Lord absolves me of my sin and grants blessing after blessing. In His great mercy, He gives children. There is nothing in me that deserves a child. I am evil, but still He gives. How humbling it is to know that Jesus covers my sin with His robe of righteousness and gives to me all good things. I am given Christ’s name when I am baptized; I receive the Lord’s forgiveness in His Holy Supper.

Perhaps I am even given a child. When I receive that good word, I am blessed. I am deeply humbled. The Lord has blessed me with riches that I could never have earned. Each and every child is a gift. 100% gift.